Boyfriend Blows Up At Me Over Everything

[CathK82]

Hi
ive been dating my guy for nearly a year and a half. We don’t live together. I have a 16 year old daughter with my ex husband and it’s easier to have our own space.
My problem is my bf tends to blow up at me so easily and even when it’s over issues that are either trivial or in my opinion not my fault. He also seems to have double standards but when I discuss this, he gets angry and whenever he’s angry he shouts and lets out the profanities. Never apologises. Sometimes I get silent treatment. He will get in moods and bring up the past instead of letting it go, often reminding me of my mistakes.
He talks to a few females who he’s previously dated and says they’re just friends. He still has contacts in his phone from when he was on Tinder although says he doesn’t talk to them. But he’s made me delete every male out my phone and doesn’t want anyone even guys from over 20 years ago in high school messaging hello. I’ve had a couple men express interest in me since I started dating him and I’ve been honest enough to tell him and naturally I put the men in their place because I’m taken. I’ve never flirted with anyone or tried to get a guys attention but my bf yells at me and tells me I’m too friendly and I’m naive and get kicks out of demeaning him with male attention. No I don’t. But it’s ok for him to demean me by watching porn in front of me and then rejecting me because he’s had his fun with porn. I went to get my daughter from her friends house and the friends dad is single and he had a 5 minute chat with me literally about our daughters and single parenting - and I was shouted at and sworn at for being too engaging with this man.
I get run down for everything and called names and then he will bring incidents up over and over like I’m a child being taught a lesson. I’m a very loyal person and do whatever I can to show him that yet I’m still in trouble. If I point out the things he does that upset me such as talking to exes, then im called insecure, stupid, childish or told to shut up.
Maybe he has valid points, but to me it seems like he has the upper hand here and has different rules for himself and me.

Why? Just why?

But he’s made me delete every male out my phone and doesn’t want anyone even guys from over 20 years ago in high school messaging hello.

And who died and gave him the power to 'make' you do anything? As soon as a man starts to 'make' you do anything that you don't want to do - you should be out of there.

This guy thinks he's got you where he wants you. He's got you doubting and second guessing yourself, when really it's him you should be doubting, because he's one of the biggest assholes on the planet.

You doubt yourself because he's verbally abusive and controlling. You need therapy to find out why you're with such a man. Bin him; you can do better.

Dear gods. He's supposed the add to your life not control as much of it as possible.

Just tell him to fuck off and then work out what it is that made you settle for a controlling Muppet who doesn't even add to your home life.

You don't live with him, so it's an easy dump. What he's actually doing is tarring you with the same brush as himself. It's classic transference. His behaviour shows he's often up to no good and seeks lots of validation from other female's attention, so if he needs it and it seems normal to him, other people, ie. you, must be as dodgy as he is. Hence he trusts noone.
Clearly all this is not the case and your conscience should be clear. You have done nothing wrong, so back yourself, have the courage to get rid of him.
With this kind of man, no amount of pleading, shows of proof of loyalty will ever be enough. It's the way he is and he will most likely always be like this in future, no matter who he dates. It was never about you, this is how he rolls, so vote with your feet, it's the only way.

Is an abusive controlling prick why do you want him in your life? Nasty piece of work and I only read a few lines it annoyed me too much.

Making you doubt yourself is standard abuser tactics run....run fast.

I skim read it because it just worse and worse after the first paragraph. You know, I know and everyone else knows that the best thing is to part ways.

What does he bring to your life apart from criticism and unhappiness?

welshwomensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-coercive-control/#:~:text=Coercive%20control%20refers%20to%20continuous,or%20control%20over%20a%20survivor.

Isolating you from your family or friends
Controlling who you are allowed to see or spend time with
Monitoring your behaviour (online or in person)
Emotionally or physically threatening or intimidating you
Humiliating or degrading you

Please read the rest and see if anything else rings true. He's abusive and I think that deep down you do know that. You don't need anyone's permission to leave him, and this is not an example you want to be setting your daughter at this point in her life. If you can't do it for you, do it for her.

@CathK82 you spelt ex boyfriend wrong

but my bf yells at me and tells me I’m too friendly and I’m naive and get kicks out of demeaning him with male attention.

You realise that’s it’s highly likely that what he thinks you are doing is exactly what he is doing himself right?

That man isn’t worth your time.
He is controlling and has no respect for you.

The reason why you are doubting yourself is because he is abusive and has destroyed your self esteem and self confidence.
Dont trust one word of what he is saying.
Step away.
Your life will be much better and easier Wo that weight around your neck

This has to be made up.

First, dump him. Then do the Freedom Programme and work on your self esteem. Learn to be happy single. Don't date for a good long time, you're not ready.

🚩 you will never be happy with someone like that. Honestly, chuck that one back before he seriously messes with your head.

You do need need this man or any man in your life. You daughter must not be allowed to think such vile behaviour from a man in normal or that women should put up with such crap because men are the boss. If you can't get rid of this animal for your own sake do it for your Daughters sake.

Why the fuck do you consider yourself to be "in a relationship" with this nasty, controlling arsewipe?

He doesn't enhance your life one little bit surely, and you don't even live together or share finances. So just dump him and get back in contact with all of your old friends and family.

Why are you kowtowing to him? He's a poor excuse for a man and a very poor example to set to your DD regarding how relationships should be conducted.

Why would you want that in your life, OP? End the relationship.

It makes me so sad to hear about these awful relationships I read sometimes on mumsnet and the women wondering if it's their fault or if they should leave.

Of course you should leave. Please for your sake and for that of your daughter's, leave.

I'm so pleased that you don't live with him, and that you've only been with him for a year.
Currently he is working on destroying your self esteem and making you compliant to his (outrageous) demands about who you can and cannot talk to.

This will only get worse and soon you'll be totally isolated. He'll start to control your finances, and he WILL have an impact on your daughter and your relationship with her.

As everyone else has said, get out now he's not a nice person and it's all downhill from here if you keep him in your life a moment longer!

This guy is already messing with your head and is making you doubt yourself - classic signs of gas lighting - he labels you and demeans you.
You are worth far more than this man who seeks to control you by shouting at you when you have done nothing wrong but because he is in a mood because of something he believes you have done. Why on earth do you let him dictate who you can speak to or have as a contact on your phone? Please kick this man to the kerb - you deserve so much better.

No it's not normal. Ditch him.

Run like the wind

OP you need to be honest with yourself first before worrying about being honest with him. Re read your original post, take a few days to get your stuff back, return his stuff, get your keys off him etc then end it with him. Be resolute, don’t get into discussions about why/why not- it’s not working for you is fine. If he tries to argue use it as an example of why it’s not working, delete,block

Why are you not running for the hills yet?
He is a controlling one. You should not waste any minute on him.

Thank god you don't live with him.

The next number to block and delete from your phone, actually the only number you need to, is his.

No one, no one should kick off over a 5 minutes parent to parent chat.

Leave him OP.