Dating Thread 244

[SamW98]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Oh @JH20000 that’s horrible - but if nothing else at least you have found out early on.

I had a date last night with someone that I’ve been chatting to for a couple of weeks. Lovely bloke in many ways but admitted to being tight with money and was just really quite boring.

Next date lined up for Saturday with someone who seems quite funny - tbh I’m just enjoying a bit of chat and getting out.

“Matching with just one person in a month?! Is that because you're very picky, or you haven't had much luck in receiving "likes" back?’

Bit of both really. Id got one match because I haven’t had much luck receiving, but at the same time i am quite different from everyone else it seems. I need to make sure that the people I date understand exactly what they are getting from the start. I can’t really say I’m surprised by this either

Example: I go to church every week. I dont expect a date to, but i expect them to understand what kind of life it means I lead. It’s not a particularly judgey life but standards are important. Yes, i have checked at church, no, nobody is available there either

I have many other “different” things in my life. It’s what I’ve got used to. Nobody is interested.

I am glad I found out sooner rather than later @HappyasLarrynot however even if he didn’t have those allegations against him I would have sent him the ‘thanks but no thanks’ text. He’s just not my type I’ve come to conclude.

I’ve matched with someone new and we’ve shared a few messages so we shall see but I already hate OLD and I’ve probably been on there less than two weeks 😂

@Thatsthebottomline I have a friend who is fantastic and church is important to her. For some reason it deters men on regular dating sites. I feel for her because plenty of men seem to spend a day of the week on a golf course and it is just accepted . Have you tried specifically religious dating sites or eHarmony which seems to be more about shared values?

@JH20000 I share your lack of enthusiasm for the whole OLD thing at 2 weeks in also …. but am taking it slowly so maybe, something might happen, who knows 😂

The difference is that church is much more than just a social activity like golf that you attend on Sunday mornings.... and men attend church too (though not as many). It comes with a whole range of beliefs and dos and don'ts which can massively impact on a relationship with someone who isn't a "believer".

I speak as someone who was a "believer" and churchgoer, who now isn't.

I know at least two people who got married through Christian dating sites (I don’t know if you are a Christian but I am sure other religions have their dating sites too)
Have you tried any of those?

@harerunner @Thatsthebottomline apologies if either of you felt the golf comparison was in anyway trivialising religious beliefs. I well appreciate that religion and church are about belief systems. Many of us who don't go to church on a regular basis have moral codes and a way of living life...I think what I am suggesting is that others can have an all consuming activity and stretches into his life.I knew a guy who was in a tennis club, he played 3 times a week, most of his social life revolved around the club, he would literally just sit in the club to read.
My friend says in her church there are far fewer single men and they tend to be much in demand, her church likes to know if people are looking for a relationship.

Can I have some advice?
I seem to find there's men who suggest meeting pretty quickly after a few messages and then there's others where you are sharing all sorts of details about your life and day etc....with these, I do sort of say, it would be nice to meet. Then two things happen, they all say yes and one group will suggest a date and time and start a bit of planning and the others will say yes but then just carry on with the messages.....I find it really annoying as I am quite old fashioned and like to be asked, so for me to suggest meeting isn't natural. I have said to a few " It's been really nice chatting, but I don't think this will progress further" - that's more the ones that I have chatted with but don't see much potential.
I think chatting endlessly involves sharing personal information with a stranger and I just don't like doing that. Please can you let me know your thoughts on this ?

Hi all!
So the guy I saw last weekend went quiet on Monday and I posted on here. But then Monday evening he messaged and was really chatty and kind so I thought I was just over thinking it. He also mentioned our date this weekend.
Anyway, since yesterday morning I've not heard from him and he's not opened my message on WhatsApp.
I can't be arsed with this. I don't expect to be messaged all the time as we don't know eachother and only so much small talk, but I feel weird how he's gone from messaging lots to nothing.
Am I expecting too much? Do people normally message a lot between dates or is it normal to go abit quiet i the earlier days?

It's fine either way but I have a giving heart and I don't want to be messed around!

Hi everyone, I was on these threads back in the summer. I just wanted to come back on and give a lovely update and maybe some hope! I chatted to a guy on Tinder of all places, it took about 5 weeks for us to actually meet. He was a total gentleman on the messages, never anything inappropriate. He was exactly the same in person. We met for a drink, which turned into dinner, which turned into cocktails until closing time. We had so much fun, laughed and talked for 6 hours straight! Kept in touch by message daily after that, had a lovely second date, then a third date, then we stopped counting and just spend time together whenever we can. We are still together now, 6 months on from our first contact. He hasn’t put a foot wrong. He is consistent, affectionate, considerate, kind, funny. He has never left me hanging, replies to my texts, texts me frequently, initiates time together and makes plans for us. I’m totally smitten. I honestly think he’s it for me and the feeling seems to be mutual. There are good partners to be found!

This is amazing! So happy for you and your love story ❤️❤️❤️

Ah congratulations -so delighted for you!!

@VenturingOut80 That's really great. I'm pleased for you and I'm glad you found a good one. Thank you for updating us

@Livelifelaughter I do think chatting a bit can be useful because when you meet him, it's not awkward and you can already chat about something.

For me it's really awkward sitting down with someone and it's dating time and it's completely new to both people.

As for asking out, if I really fancied someone, I would ask him out or exchange numbers. Because some men may ask you out that you're meh about. You wanna date someone because he's your choice.

Some men try to set a date after 3 messages which I really find off-putting Anyway just my thoughts, everyone is different.

I think consistency is key. Some people are heavy texters, some aren't. Neither is wrong as long as you are both comfortable with it. The issue I would have is that it seems like running hot and cold to be texting and then stop.
My guy and I text all the time, but if one of us is busy, has a meeting or is out with friends or whatever, it goes quiet. But, I wouldn't just go quiet without saying anything. I was out with family the other day, I messaged beforehand to say 'hey, hope you have a good day. I'm off to meet the cousins now, I'll chat to you tonight'. To me that's just courteous if you're used to messaging back and forth a lot. Seems rude to just go dark!

This is so lovely to read, and it DOES give me hope that a good man for me is out there.

Thought I'd found a decent one that I went on a date with last week, he asked for a second date, then I've heard nothing. I'm not planning on chasing him down (as already replied agreeing to a second date), so it's back to the drawing board, actually the apps(!), for me.

Hi I’ve never posted on here but wanted to join the thread and post. I met a guy few weeks ago we’ve had 3 dates. He’s been very keen, really lovely guy, I think he may be a little too keen at times. He replies quickly to messages etc. He seems genuine, but then a part of me is really worried he might be a love bomber (I don’t think he is) but he messaged other night and said please don’t be put off by how much I like you. He’s said quite a lot. Im super wary of guys. I keep distance and hence why I’m single (by choice). But he’s gone a little quiet (he’s away on holiday so understandable) and it’s really bothered me.

Probably a similar pattern for me. Guys show lots of interest and come on really strong - Im always wary , don’t give much away etc then they go quiet or pull away i spiral. It’s ridiculous. I try not to feel bothered but feel like I’m really falling for this guy and tonight’s the first night I’ve started questioning things.

This is so lovely to read congratulations I hope it continues to go well for you

@VenturingOut80 great story, gives me hope!

Oh bless you, I know thsi feeling very well!
I'm a bit of a slow burning so when they're full on it does make me panic... and then things go quieter and I feel like it's my fault 🙈
Do you feel like you like this person? Are you disappointed to not hear from them?
I would take reassurance that he's said he really likes you ❤️

@mintmagnum3 Hes told me a lot he likes me. Yeah I do like him, trying not to let my past put me off. But I’m not the best at picking great men so I’m very wary. I am disappointed from not hearing from him and I think that’s consolidated things further that I do like him.

@VenturingOut80 that’s fab news!!! ❤️

Putting my man hat on, it’s not the easiest thing in the world to ask a woman out - I was probably in the ask early camp to avoid weeks of chatting then being disappointed that the person isn’t what you thought when you actually meet them.

But I can easily see why some men might not ask, they might want the woman to take the first step towards a meet to avoid being seen as overly forward , but if that doesn’t work for you, then that’s fine

@cassiatwenty thank you. I do know what you mean, you need a little banter, but it's the endless messaging where you no longer know what to say because the only things are quite personal and this is in reality a stranger...