Page 4 | Dating Thread 244

SamW98 · 2023-11-16T11:55:29+00:00

The Rules: 1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating. 2. Develop a thick skin. 3. Do not invest emotionally too soon. 4. It's all BS until it actually happens. 5. Trust your gut instinct. 6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault. 7. Know your worth. 8. If it's not fun, stop. 9. Loo update is mandatory. 10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy. Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

LuckyLinda3 · 02/12/2023 10:12

@LittleFloatingGhost great advice about getting back out there.
It's fantastic that you are in such a good place with Mr Beer. The confidence and security that you have in the relationship is rare and allows you to just relax and enjoy. Long may it continue.

LittleFloatingGhost · 02/12/2023 10:22

@LuckyLinda3 Thank you. That’s lovely of you to say. Such a difference from my ex and Mr Music who I dated over the summer.

I am super cautious though. No running before I can walk! But I am comfortable taking it as it comes with him.

LuckyLinda3 · 02/12/2023 10:26

@LittleFloatingGhost that sounds healthy. You're not rushing in, protecting your heart but still allowing yourself to enjoy it for what it is.
I was so cautious to begin with, almost self sabotaging. I've now realised I can trust myself as he never gave me any reason not to trust him.
We have busy weekends all the way to Christmas and do Christmas separately with our families so it will be tough but hopefully we can take advantage of off time here and there too.

Bobtree · 03/12/2023 18:21

Hi everyone, new to the thread and new to the world of dating after my marriage ended.
I think I have come to the realisation I’m just not ready to date. I think I am attracting the wrong type. I have just been played well and truly by the latest man I tried to date and I don’t think I have developed the thick skin needed for today’s dating world.
I’m late 30’s and just feel a bit sad tonight that I’m not sure how to move forward in to the new year on my own and how to do the work I clearly need to do so the bad ones stay away!
You all seem a lovely and supportive group, so I’m not looking for pity… but maybe just some encouragement that it will get better. A lot of people have been so helpful in telling me “rather you than me” with dating today 🙄.

LuckyLinda3 · 03/12/2023 18:48

@Bobtree welcome. It's very difficult getting back out there and sometimes we aren't ready and find out the hard way but that's all part of the process.
The main thing is to invest in yourself, go with your gut and don't take it too seriously to begin with. There are good people out there but it takes a wee bit of luck too. All the very best.

Stargazer46 · 03/12/2023 19:10

Hi all. I separated from my husband of 22 years 7 months ago and am thinking about braving the world of OLD which didn’t even exist the last time I was single! Any advice?

KitsyWitsy · 03/12/2023 21:32

LittleFloatingGhost · 02/12/2023 07:01

@KitsyWitsy think so many of us have been there following a split and just want to get back in the saddle.

it took me a year to figure out what I wanted and who I was (likely different for everyone), so enjoy taking the time figuring out who you are as a single person and what you want. Don’t beat yourself up if things don’t turn out as hoped.

Yeah. The dating week sucked. Well the sex was good on one date but I don’t want to go out with him or be his girlfriend. The other one wasn’t a date like I thought and he just wants to be bloody best friends or something. Bloody weirdo. Nothing else lined up except lots of nights out with friends which is good but I want a boyfriend!!

KitsyWitsy · 03/12/2023 21:34

LittleFloatingGhost · 02/12/2023 07:05

Have a date with Mr Beer this weekend. I feel like I’m missing his face 😂 we talk and message throughout the week. We have had daily contact since we met back in October.

This feels different. For one I hardly speak with my friends about him as I am not questioning his motives, where we are going etc. it’s more I had a great weekend with Mr Beer. he really makes me laugh.

How did it go?

KitsyWitsy · 03/12/2023 21:35

Stargazer46 · 03/12/2023 19:10

Hi all. I separated from my husband of 22 years 7 months ago and am thinking about braving the world of OLD which didn’t even exist the last time I was single! Any advice?

I’ve only been doing it a few weeks and it’s hard going.So many men just don’t know how to have conversations. It’s so hard as well trying to form some kind of connection over text messages in an app.

Also, it’s pretty savage. A lot of rejection can be painful.

KitsyWitsy · 03/12/2023 21:36

Bobtree · 03/12/2023 18:21

Hi everyone, new to the thread and new to the world of dating after my marriage ended.
I think I have come to the realisation I’m just not ready to date. I think I am attracting the wrong type. I have just been played well and truly by the latest man I tried to date and I don’t think I have developed the thick skin needed for today’s dating world.
I’m late 30’s and just feel a bit sad tonight that I’m not sure how to move forward in to the new year on my own and how to do the work I clearly need to do so the bad ones stay away!
You all seem a lovely and supportive group, so I’m not looking for pity… but maybe just some encouragement that it will get better. A lot of people have been so helpful in telling me “rather you than me” with dating today 🙄.

All you can do is persever but it is soul destroying sometimes.

SortingItOut · 04/12/2023 06:43

Bobtree · 03/12/2023 18:21

Hi everyone, new to the thread and new to the world of dating after my marriage ended.
I think I have come to the realisation I’m just not ready to date. I think I am attracting the wrong type. I have just been played well and truly by the latest man I tried to date and I don’t think I have developed the thick skin needed for today’s dating world.
I’m late 30’s and just feel a bit sad tonight that I’m not sure how to move forward in to the new year on my own and how to do the work I clearly need to do so the bad ones stay away!
You all seem a lovely and supportive group, so I’m not looking for pity… but maybe just some encouragement that it will get better. A lot of people have been so helpful in telling me “rather you than me” with dating today 🙄.

How long have you been single?

What is your life like in general? Do you work? What are your hobbies/interests) what about friends?
When you split from someone you should be building your life up to be the best it can be before you look for a new partner (unless you're looking for sex and then that's different).

If the relationship was traumatic in any way you should be having therapy to deal with that.

My mantra is that a partner should enhance your life and not be your life.

OLD is tough and batters your confidence, you need to be very resilient to even attempt it.

SortingItOut · 04/12/2023 06:44

Stargazer46 · 03/12/2023 19:10

Hi all. I separated from my husband of 22 years 7 months ago and am thinking about braving the world of OLD which didn’t even exist the last time I was single! Any advice?

See my post to Bobtree above - how is your life currently?

Look at the rules on post 1 of this thread and follow them.

LittleFloatingGhost · 04/12/2023 07:05

@KitsyWitsy It was lovely!

Bobtree · 04/12/2023 15:34

I have been single a year. Been on a few dates here and there before meeting this last guy that didn’t amount to anything.
I know I have more work to do to not take rejection so personally and I am working through where it all stems from, I am doing therapy for various reasons.
I think I am just hoping it does get better. This man I was dating did what seems to be so common now, just ghosted me. I refuse to send lots of messages and try to find out why…. The silence is answer enough. But it doesn’t stop it from setting you back in the work you are doing. I wasn’t even actively looking for dating when he showed up and I think I was worried I would be passing up something if I said no. But if he was mature he would have understood so that is another lesson learned.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 04/12/2023 18:49

Bobtree

Since i started OLD
I’ve become a bit of a ghost myself
Even in real life (not dating )
I don’t want to tell people that their presence doesn’t spark joy for a variety of reasons so I stay quiet

what I mean is when someone ghosts in dating literally because they are too uncomfortable to say what’s on their mind

be it don’t fancy you enough , I prefer someone else, you did something that triggered me or - im having a bit of a crisis right now

I think we all get so proud and don’t chase , when really we just need a
simple sentence

Anyway it’s so common and so human and I understand why it’s knocked you

but when someone goes quiet don’t always take it that its a negative reflection of you as a woman , easy to say

Stargazer46 · 04/12/2023 19:21

SortingItOut · 04/12/2023 06:44

See my post to Bobtree above - how is your life currently?

Look at the rules on post 1 of this thread and follow them.

Edited

Show quote history

My life is pretty good generally. I work full time, have good friends although I’ve been trying to expand my circle locally since the split, I’ve got interests both solo ones and with other people. I’m not looking for a serious relationship or anything I just feel like I’m at a point of wanting to find out what I might be ready for and if the thought of an actual real life man totally freaks me out I’ll know I’m not ready for anything just yet. If that makes sense.

KitsyWitsy · 05/12/2023 10:22

I'm really struggling getting people to talk to me on the apps. Even people who have matched or like me?! It's really frustrating.

Original poster

SamW98 · 05/12/2023 10:26

KitsyWitsy · 05/12/2023 10:22

I'm really struggling getting people to talk to me on the apps. Even people who have matched or like me?! It's really frustrating.

It’s crap - I’ve given up with the apps as hardly anyone chats and most of those who do just want the chat to get sexual almost immediately.

Im happy for those who have had success with OLD but for me it wasn’t an enjoyable experience.

OP posts:

SortingItOut · 05/12/2023 10:58

KitsyWitsy · 05/12/2023 10:22

I'm really struggling getting people to talk to me on the apps. Even people who have matched or like me?! It's really frustrating.

Apparently some men swipe right on everyone and then if they get a match they then decide whether to chat or not.

Are you starting the conversation and they are not responding or is it that the chat is rather mundane and boring?

If you are starting the chat how long has it been since you messaged and they haven't replied?

Personally I used to have all my notifications switched off and had to remember to check them.
Not everyone is on dating sites every day.

Original poster

SamW98 · 05/12/2023 16:31

Anyone on Bumble - it’s the last ever speed dating tonight at 7 so might as well go for it while we can. You never know 😀

OP posts:

NervesOfCotton · 05/12/2023 18:02

SamW98 I'm really going to miss Bumble Speed dating. It's been my fave part of the site by miles. Gutted that it's going tbh!

I know not everybody on here has enjoyed it but it's the only way I ever got any dates on there. Matches go unanswered or they are only looking for sex. I reported 3 just last week, one said he was looking forward to having a Tit Wank in his first message.

LittleFloatingGhost · 05/12/2023 18:05

I didn’t know it was the last one! I haven’t been on the apps in a little while.

NervesOfCotton · 05/12/2023 18:11

LittleFloatingGhost Busy with your lovely man

They only announced it today so if people don't happen to log in today then they won't know.

Original poster

SamW98 · 05/12/2023 18:14

@NervesOfCotton

Ffs they’re not getting any better are they? I’m not really bothering now. I’ve totally lost interest. I have a look every now and again but there’s literally no one I even think about swiping for.
One of my best friends just split with her partner after 12 years and really up for going out so I’ve got plenty of fun with my friends lined up - much more fun than dating muppets 🤣

OP posts:

NervesOfCotton · 05/12/2023 18:27

Sounds good, SamW98
I've been doing the Speed dating & having a quick look morning & evening if I remember, but I'm not 'On it' like I was.
Twice I sent a message to a match & forgot until the next day as I'm so used to them not answering