Dating Thread 244

[SamW98]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Thank you 😊 I do think it’s been a gradual realisation over the.last few months where I’ve had a couple of great holidays, weekends away and nights out with friends that’s made me realise how much I love my life of being free to do this stuff at the drop of a hat now my DS is grown. And do I really want to give any of it up for the sake of having a bloke?

The last month or so I’ve literally swiped left on every single man online.

Over the weekend I’ve been out with friends chatting to men in the wild laughing joking flirting and just having great fun and think that was the final decider for me. Though funny on Saturday night we were in a bar and a girl was on the ladies on phone saying ‘he looks nothing like his photos and he’s really boring, she’ll I just sneak out?’ We’ve all been there love 🤣

@SortingItOut and @Thisisworsethananticpated I agree, it is a busy month and easier to just acknowledge that. I would have liked him to check in with me first about my birthday weekend before he committed to going but I'm probably being overly needy to be fair. He is adamant that we get time together but equally is a poor organiser so we will see. I know his intentions would be 100% but his work schedule can cause problems for us. I have some leave to use up so if it comes to it I'll take some time off and we can have a wee day at least. Thanks ladies.

@SamW98 I think we're at similar life stages, my kids are adults now, one lives with me and the other is at Uni or mainly stays at her Dad's.
Aside from work (which is occasional stupid hours) I am free as a bird and I embrace that as much as possible.

Having been married for 17 years, together for 19 years, I'm 5.5 years out of that and had a shortish 'relationship' of 2.5 years in that time.
Now I'm embracing doing things for me, when I was married it was all about family life and I feel I missed out on being me.
I have such a varied social life and lots of interests that a man has to be pretty great to come into my life.

(Un)fortunately I do need a man in my life for sex, I have an FWB (have also done this before) and it works great, we hang out a few times a week.
I am also dating someone but he is not yet divorced and the marital home has just gone on the market and he is living in a flat he owns - I'm currently thinking that's all a bit much and despite me not getting involved in all that I can't help thinking how complicated it all is and I want simple.....

I find it difficult to meet someone to have a relationship with as most men my age have young children still and I don't want to be a step-mum or blend families. I have free time and can mainly do what I want and if someone has young chuldrenthey generally can't.

@LuckyLinda3 No one is overly needy, you have needs and they are valid.
Of course it's disappointing that your partner has committed to another event on your birthday - when he told you he had plans on that day did you say anything about it being your birthday?
Had he forgotten or did he think you wouldn't mind?

With regard to him organising to see you, why is he a poor organiser?
Can you chat once a week to plan the week ahead or 2 weeks ahead?
That's what me and my ex did, we had usual days to meet and then the week before we would confirm availability.

Using up annual leave to see him sounds a great idea but be sure not to be making all the effort.
I dated a couple of guys earlier this year who worked shifts and I ended up taking days off work to see them on their days off and then realised I was making all the effort so binned them off.

@SortingItOut

I was with my ex 25 years and 7 years split I had a 2 year relationship with which ended in jan 2020 but it wasn’t a great partnership and looking back was definitely a rebound.

Ive been 💯 single ever since - no physical contact with a man apart from a few kisses since then which is very difficult but I just can’t sleep with someone without a real connection. I wish I could do the FWB thing because I hate being celibate more than I miss anything else about a man but I just can’t do it. And in the last few years I’ve not met anyone who even vaguely floats my boat - well there was MR GA but that was a non starter.

But I love every other aspect of my life so I’m enjoying friends and family and what will he will be.

Thanks @SortingItOut. No he hadn't forgotten about my birthday so he immediately said we would make up for it at the first available opportunity. His ex wife didn't approve of him socialising alone and my ex always went out without me so we started off with an understanding that we would both maintain our own social circles so as I said I'd never ask him not to go.
By nature he is just not well organised so your idea about getting together abd making plans in advance is a good one. I definitely wouldn't make a habit of using leave up just to get time together but would consider it at busy times. I've no doubt we both want it to work but our different work schedules and family commitments make it more difficult. While I'm getting more freedom now he is under more pressure having 2 children living with him now. Thanks for allowing me to vent here.

And just as I decide I’m giving up the guy with mutual friends messaged me asking if I’m free to meet for a drink at all this week - so we’re meeting tonight at a local pub

@SamW98 sure why not! Nothing to lose.

SamW98

hahahaha
the universe provides
and he’s a real life one not an online one
better

Fingers crossed Sam 🤞

I don't want to change her, only to support her. The good thing is we have such a connection in our life experience.
Please don't assume just because its a woman she's lovely! I have seen plenty of poor behaviour from women on OLD.
Perhaps I have been lucky with the women I have actually dated. Though I did perhaps dodge a few slightly iffy ones!

@LuckyLinda3 i think I'd be a bit disappointed too if he knew it was my birthday...difficult not to have an expectation of doing something nice.

Are his 2 children living at home older children?

@marshmallowmix thanks, yes I definitely am disappointed. He is very involved in a local club and between that and different work patterns so much of our time is eaten up. To be fair as @SortingItOut suggested we could improve things by getting together and making plans in advance.
His children are in their early 20's but don't drive so he ends up dropping them off/picking them up from work sometimes. One of his lads has had a rough few years and needs support so he has a lot going on.
My own children want to treat me to a nice meal and day out so I'm really lucky and really looking forward to that. I think the fact we don't live together and have very busy, separate lives on top of the run up to Christmas just makes it a bit more difficult.
I know we will get time together but it's just an unfortunate clash of events.

@SamW98 that’s exciting!

I had date 5 with Mr Beer. It was amazing. We talked forever, about everything and grew closer. He had been out with friends the weekend before and they had been suggesting some single people they knew, but he had said (from what he told me) that he declined as he had met me and didn’t want to do anything which may jeopardise this. So, we are only seeing each other now.

I know I have been here before, so whilst I’m getting feels (which I never got with Mr
Music), I am being very cautious as I have been burnt before when I didn’t realise what I wanted. Now I do know and Mr Beer also looking for the same.

Great update @LittleFloatingGhost, enjoy.

Well I had a really good evening. Having the mutual connections it was really easy to chat and it felt like we’ve known each other years.

There wasn’t an initial attraction on my side but we got on so well we will definitely meet again and see what happens. At very least we will be good friends but time will tell.

He’s has a few crap OLD meets so we did have a good laugh about that. Though one of his dates being a trans woman did trump mine 🤦‍♀️

Hello all, just popping in, nice to see the good updates ☺️
I'm still seeing Mr Phones. I did end it after a couple of weeks as he was very full on but we discussed it, he was just very excited as he's been single for 4 years and said some lovely things about me. We are well matched in lots of ways, he has kids a similar age and altho we don't have loads in common we are getting on so well. Had a few hiccups but we communicated through them. It's been 2 months now. Going away next weekend for his birthday which will be lovely. Very happy with him and feeling lucky to have found eachother on Hinge of all places which was my worst app!

@Thewildthingsliveatmyhouse @SamW98 loving these updates.

@Thewildthingsliveatmyhouse lovely update! There will always be niggles but I think how we communicate when we are not getting on is nearly more important than when we are...enjoy.

Loving the positive updates 👏

Thank you, @LittleFloatingGhost @LuckyLinda3 @Slothmomma
Feel really lucky that it's all going so well! Communication in the times we aren't together is where we have had challenges, but we try to speak on the phone rather than text and that's working out, hope it continues 🙏💝

Hey all, new to the thread. Recently split up from my ex of 24 years and I am out on the prowl. I met a guy from match the other night who was very sexually compatible with me but I am not sure I see longevity in it. Nevertheless, I am seeing him again tonight and might stay over. Will see.

Also have my eye on another man who has invited me to his house on Saturday. It will be me, him and another couple. Is it a date? I don’t really know what it is. He is part of a new friendship group and we do flirt a lot and we keep texting but he is quite shy I think, so I don’t really know.

@KitsyWitsy think so many of us have been there following a split and just want to get back in the saddle.

it took me a year to figure out what I wanted and who I was (likely different for everyone), so enjoy taking the time figuring out who you are as a single person and what you want. Don’t beat yourself up if things don’t turn out as hoped.

Have a date with Mr Beer this weekend. I feel like I’m missing his face 😂 we talk and message throughout the week. We have had daily contact since we met back in October.

This feels different. For one I hardly speak with my friends about him as I am not questioning his motives, where we are going etc. it’s more I had a great weekend with Mr Beer. he really makes me laugh.