Dating Thread 244

[SamW98]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Sorry if I’m treading on anyone’s toes but saw the last thread full so thought I’d take it upon myself to start a new one.

My update - a couple of potential dates lined up. Mr Grant Mitchell (GM) from now on - both got a lot on but agreed a date on 2nd Dec. I’m not 💯 sure as on phone he does seem to talk over me and like sound of his own voice a bit but my gut is saying go for a drink and see what he’s like face to face.

And out of the blue, someone I matched with last year but neither was really in right place to arrange a date at that time messaged me on FB as we’ve got mutual friends just to say hi remember me. And we’ve arranged a drink next week. We only live a few miles apart so it’s easy to meet midweek.

And after a couple of months, I got a ‘hi stranger’ message from Mr GA - and I’ve realised knowing what I know now I don’t fancy him AT ALL which is a good feeling

Thanks @SamW98, 🖐 checking in.

Glad to find y’all

Thanks @SamW98. It’s like waiting for a bus 😂😂

Mr Music messaged mr last night. You know the one who ghosted me… definitely a bolt out the blue.

I’m really looking forward to my 5th date with Mr Beer on Saturday. No idea what we are doing yet, but his company is always good.

Thanks for the new thread

It's that time of year when old dates re-surface. Cuffing season is here!

I'm still seeing Mr Noodles. Think we've had 5 or 6 dates. He cooked dinner the other evening which was amazing.

But now he has his kids for a week, so I'm not sure when I'll see him again. And I've discovered he has some of his extended family living with him indefinitely, so I can't go to his house until they move on.

For now I'm just enjoying his company but I do have questions about whether it is sustainable long term.

Checking in

Alot of resurfacing 👻 I see
🤔

im texting /sexting my long lost overseas friend

feels like a safer way to get my hit than braving OLD
but as the winter kicks in I’m tempted …

Oh yes to the resurfacing!
Mr Wozfunnest has communicated with me twice in 2days which given that he effectively ghosted me for a few months is uncharacteristic . Weds evening he sent me a message saying he hoped I was okay (huh! well if I am it’s no thanks to him!!!!) , with a pic of his new dog. Given that I made it clear a year ago that a dog would be a break breaker for me I think it is a symptom of his n narcissism that he thinks I will be gooey eyed over s cute puppy. No.
So I didn’t open the message, just read the preview. So he won’t know I saw the message (didn’t look at the photo but from B the c message is clear that what it is. Then last night I posted a pic on a hobby group WhatsApp group we are on and saw today he’d put a ❤️ on it -which he never does to any posts in any of our groups do so know he is trying to get back in but I really am not going there /the dog has made me realise that he really is just so self centred. He will get bored with it when the novelty wears off and it is curtailing his freedom. And just like he has picked up and dropped enthusiasms (classic cars/boats -charity work -got all the training etc but then with onerous calls made work excuse to drop it etc. Which has made me lose respect for him.
This evening there is a pub gig with a group we have sometimes gone to. A friend has persuaded me to go so if he also goes will be a test of my resolve but I actually think I really am now resolved. Will report back here tomorrow (saying that will strengthen my resolve 😁)

@SamW98 Thanks for the new thread

I had to Google cuffing season 😂

Think I’d rather be single over the winter months - early nights, long baths and self indulgent me time. Although none of this is possible if ex continues to have an unsuitable lifestyle to accommodate having the kids regularly…

VanillaSox

my 👻 also used his pets as a way to try and lure me back !

you be careful there !!! Very careful

I’m slightly chagrined that mine hasn’t resurfaced and I know I’ll get a sick feeling in my stomach if he does so ….

Posted this on another thread so thought I’d post on here too - just feeling a bit reflective at mo.

I must admit I’m starting to wonder if I actually want a relationship with a man now.

Been single almost 4 years, got a very nice life with great friends and I’m thinking what I actually feel having a partner would bring to my life - and I can’t think of much tbh.

I love my own space, love the freedom to go out at the drop of a hat without worrying about anyone else, love finishing work and not having to make smalltalk with someone - the list goes on.

I’ve been trying OLD on and off since about March this year and quite frankly it’s been a damp squib - a handful of dates, none of them floated by boat so to speak and the comedy value of the sex pests as anecdotes is wearing off.

I don’t know. Maybe it’s because it’s my birthday this weekend that I’m having a bit of reflection and realising my life doesn’t have anything missing that I could get from a man.

My 25 year relationship with my ex was so easy and uncomplicated- we just gradually fell out of love - and I don’t want hassle, grief or drama in my life.

@VanillaSox He is definitely trying to worm his way back.You are one step ahead as you know his M.O by now but be careful, it's hard to keep your distance when you still have the feels.

SamW98

it’s good to think about this

I don’t want a partner now either as I have two demanding kids and one with major sen challenges
there is no way I want to bring a man into this as he’d have to be fucking amazing !

But at the same time a casual sex thing turned to shit for various complex reasons (he was also selfish and messed up )

what I really want is a single dad who’s in the same boat as me and for now wants sex and friendship

its tricky figuring this out

Which apps are you all using?

Agree @SamW98 and @Thisisworsethananticpated it's important to be clear about what we want. It works for me atm because we both have limited time and family commitments but neither want to cohabit as we both like our own time and have our own stuff going on.
He has a major change to his work hours coming soon and it may change things and one of his 3 kids has moved back home so he's now ferrying 2 adult kids around so things could get bumpy but all we can do is see how it pans out. For now we are both enjoying the time we have together and the support we give each other when apart.

I think OLD has been really useful showing me what I do and more importantly don’t want going forward.

Funny enough I was out with a mate for dinner last night in a local pub/restaurant and the couple on next table were obviously on a date. They were an older couple - early/mid 60’s I would guess and my first thought was I’m glad I’m here with an old mate rather than a bloke.

Think my subconscious is talking to me.

It’s a lot of things right now. I see people saying they miss cuddling on sofa and I think ‘I don’t I love my own space’ and lots of other similar thoughts. I joke to my mates I can’t think of anything I want less than a man on my sofa watching Sky Sports in his boxers - ok it’s lighthearted but think there’s a lot of truth in not wanting my space invaded.

I’ve said before, maybe a FWB would suit me better but I’m just not someone who can have sex without a real connection so I know I just couldn’t do it.

I’ve waffled on a lot but hopefully I make sense

@Sam l think you are very wise to take stock and to listen to your true wants and needs. I am past the point that you are at now, and after the end of a very long marriage, then lots of tries at OLD (and a 2 year relationship from there) then an on /off fwb over many years, l realise l just couldn't live with a man now. Like you l don't want my space invaded or having to feel my time wasn't my own.
I wouldn't mind a localish living apart together scenario, with flexibility for both re family, hobbies, committments etc but that's a rare thing to find.

I seem to have struck lucky in that in the "local-ish living apart together scenario"
We are both widowed (no kids) and live 10 miles away but both want to retain our own space and to a reasonable amount life, so far its been fantastic.

She does however seem to doubt herself a lot though, she keeps saying what do I see in her & why would I be attracted to her!
This is something I need to help/coach her with, its not easy as my late wife was a very confident woman so not something I have come across before.
I wonder if because her mum died when she was 1 she hasn't had the strong female role model?
I count myself lucky to have had a strong minded Yorkshire mum as a role model so have always seen women as my equal or even more likely better?

Not looking at moment but I'd only be open to together living apart anyway - no way do I want to be sharing my space with anyone again after 6 years single.

Not on apps but have had 2 people that message occasionally on twitter ask me out this week - cuffing season in full flow 😄

Absolutely even if I did meet someone I have no intention of cohabitating ever again. I think the older I get and the longer I’ve been single, I realise how priceless my own peace is

@SamW98 Yes you absolutely make sense. It made me chuckle when you mentioned you can't think of nothing worse than a mam watching Sky Sports in his boxers 😅

I think at times selection is not the best but if you change your mind, and you really find someone that would meaningfully add to your life rather than take away, why not? I hope it happens to you.

Your posts on here have made my day because you come off as a strong person yet not bitter but even manage to find humour and lightness whilst still being real.

I do believe there are some decent men out there that enrich our lives, it's just meeting them that's tricky 🤷‍♀️

@SamW98

Yes, that sums it up for me too - OLD has been very useful in showing me what I do and don't want. At least it makes you more aware of what you want.

I can just picture that guy in his boxers watching Sky Sports! 😂

I did FWB for a while - with my last ex - although it was fun at the time, I wouldn't advise it as I got very badly hurt in the end.

To be honest, I'd just like a relationship in which we both live in our own houses (and not with any ex-partner! 😁) and see each other a couple of times a week, and/or at weekends. The best of both worlds.

I agree with this To be honest, I'd just like a relationship in which we both live in our own houses (and not with any ex-partner! 😁) and see each other a couple of times a week, and/or at weekends. The best of both worlds. @Shimla999 👍

I've agreed to meet up with a guy I have been chatting to on Bumble this week. He's a musician and happens to be playing in my town tomorrow. So, I'm going to meet him for a drink before he performs. It'll just be for an hour at most (because his is playing with his band), but that is preferable for a first date in my opinion. In fact, I'm not even looking at it as a date - more like just going out to meet new people. Make new friends. At least I won't have to travel far this time! 😁