DH bought sex toys for himself

[namechannger]

Background is that we are going through a phase of mis-matched libidos. This has caused tension between us.

Me: not currently very interested in sex probably due to tiredness, young children, work etc etc plus early 40's so possible peri. Have been doing it one or twice a week and more out of love than really feeling horny. Recently it's declined and there have been some weeks with zero sex happening. I would like it to be more but I just don't feel like it at the moment. I know it's hard as he feels like it everyday.

Him: would be happy to have sex everyday and would like it to be more adventurous than missionary.

Recently the mismatch has caused a rift. I've tried to book more childcare and do more self-care to help me feel more in the mood. When he's home from work he's been doing a bit more round the house and we have money to outsource stuff.

In the meantime DH has more sex drive so will w*nk by himself if no sex available. He watches porn on his phone which I'm okay with.

He's just ordered some new sex toys for men. I don't want to know what they are but I can guess. It makes me feel a bit sick / repulsed.

His argument is that whilst he's not getting the amount of sex he wants he wants to be able to pleasure himself, and he wouldn't have an issue with me using a vibrator, in fact he would encourage it and it's completely natural.

I feel uncomfortable about it though. AIBU to feel uncomfortable? Is it double standards when plenty of women use vibrators and DH would be happy with me using one?

I agree. 😀 A good cock is one thing when it's alive and attached to a human male body, but if you haven't got that, you can improve elements of the functionality you do have, as it's a different experience from an actual person, so it's never a complete replica.

Agreed. But you can get them. Was more a response to the poster objecting to flesh light

Oh, come on. My Rabbit (a toy that is very, very popular among women) has fake veins.

This hastily ginned-up argument that women don't really buy/like sex toys that look like men's body parts is ludicrous. They do, and they do, and there's nothing wrong with that. Of course men derive pleasure from the sensation of having something completely surrounding their cock. Better something safe and made for the purpose than ye olde Coke bottle.

Yeah I've had plenty of rabbits, some resemble penises more than others.

Obviously a lot of sex toys to resemble the shape etc of a penis because that's what's supposed to fit inside our vaginas!! That doesn't mean we're looking for something to pretend it's a penis.
There's nothing hasty about the argument, you're just interpreting it wrong.

And yes I agree that of course men derive pleasure from the sensation of having something completely surrounding their cock...and there are lots of toys like that that are just about sensation, but then there are toys which have a whole fake arse (which is not surrounding their cock, it's there to pretend it's a woman) and a whole fake torso, fake breasts etc. that many people think it gets weird.

I've never seen a rabbit with a plastic groin and arse attached to it so that women can grab onto it and pretend it's a real man or a torso with a dildo.....I just googled to see if they exist and they do!! but they're certainly not mainstream and on the likes of lovehoney as far as I've seen and I would still bet that it's mainly men who buy them, followed by couples and that it is very rare for women to actually pretend to have sex with a toy during solo play the way that men pretend to have sex with the sex toys which have a full arse/torso etc.

It's absolutely correct to say we all have bodily autonomy, and if your husband wants to use sex toys solo thats his right. That said, we also all have the right to an opinion, and the idea of my husband browsing for and buying a rubber fud gives me the absolute fucking ick. I'd be telling him he better teach his rubber fud to cook, cos I'm offski 😂

He's a perv and the women getting defensive on his behalf are dolts (assuming they are women - based on the comments some can't be!)

A man in his 40s with young children should not "need" to fulfil his sexual compulsions every day to the extent that if he doesn't get it he needs to stick his dick in a rubber vag - he's not working hard enough at home or work I'd bet. Weirdo. Married men on onlyfans are cheating OP. You are right to feel the ick - he's icky personified!

I wonder if some of the difference in how female and male sex toys are viewed is because (generalising here) many men see women using a toy as an indication the woman might then be up for sex with them afterwards, whereas once a man has used a sex toy to completion that's the event pretty much over with unless he has a very impressive refractory period. So men assume they'll be included in toy play while women assume/feel they'll be excluded.

@Premfove what the actual fuck? If my OH told me I must not be working hard enough at home or at work because I like to use a vibrator or stimulator from time to time, he'd be out on his fucking ear!!

I agree about the onlyfans part as they are in contact with a woman which I don't agree with!

@SoundTheSirens
Most women I know don't have an issue with male stroker toys or the man masturbating at all. It's only an issue if the toys get weird.

@Confusion101
Most men aren't going to have an issue with a woman using a vibrator, but some would probably have something to say about it if their partners decided to put one of these on the bed and go to town 😂https://www.sextorso.com/collections/male-torso-sexdoll/

Indeed.

It's the 'looking/engaging with other women on OnlyFans and such', whilst 'fantasising and wanking himself off in a stroker', that is giving the OP the ick for her partner.

Boundaries for the OP are crossed.

I've defended the sex toy aspect, but I agree the OF is icky. The problem with OF is that you're subscribing to someone, you're not just watching a porno. It's almost like an affair, certainly a step in the that direction. I'd object to that, 100%.

But the pp who said that he must not me doing enough around the house if he has time for masturbation - wow. Imagine a guy saying that to a woman?!?! What? You haven't put the vacuum round but you had time to use your vibrator twice this week, didn't you!!! This hypothetical husband would be battered to kingdom come on here.

i look forward to your comment on the thread where a woman is mourning the death of her well used vibrator.

i look forward to your comment on the thread where a woman is mourning the death of her well used vibrator.

This man has been on only fans. He’s grim. Yes, people use sex toys, but if you believe everything you read on the sex board, you’re naive. There’s a lot of men hanging around that board using it for wank fodder. There is currently a thread over there explaining all the types of “pervs” there are. Don’t believe everything you read online, even primary school children know that.