Don't think I can go through with Wedding

[WhereAreMyRunningShoes]

I get this Saturday. I have been having doubts for a long time but because I have PMDD it is hard to see things clearly.

My DP puts every issue down to PMDD - he first tried to convince me I have BPD but I have started therapy and they have said no way. The thing is any issue I have, he says it's just hell week.

Anyway that's just some context on why I have let this drag on to this point.

But the wedding is racing closer and I don't know if I can do it. I had to take a diazepam last night things were making me so anxious.

Basically I was unwell on Friday so we didn't have sex. Then on Saturday I didn't really feel like it because he had been snappy all day. He even mentioned himself he had been agitated, that point is absolutely denied now though.

SO I didn't really want to but I knew if I said no again then he would be a nightmare and I wouldn't''t get any sleep. so we got started and he said I wasn't kissing him back enough and rolled away from me. I start to go to sleep and he comes back over to try again. (This is what I mean by not getting any sleep, this can potentially go on for hours with him "trying to stop himself, or having bad thoughts") so I try again but I still wasn't enthusiastic enough and he starts complaining I never want sex. I had enough so this time I said no and meant it and went to sleep ignoring him.

The next day he wakes up in a foul mood, ignores me when I tried to cuddle him, grunted at me when I said good morning and told me how mad he is about last night.

On and on the mood went - so I said - just go home and have a wank I can't bear this.

So he starts taking all of his things. I ask what aren't you staying tonight? To which he replies - I would rather stay home and wank then risk a third night of no sex.

Gosh sorry this is long!

Anyway we have been arguing since, he is saying it's all my PMDD and me wanting to call off the wedding is a typical over reaction. He denies saying about staying home to wank. He DID say it. I know he did and he knows he did.

He blocked me on whatsapp and now to add insult to injury he is saying I am talking to someone else because I have been online a lot.

I presume he means facebook because if I don't close down the tab it stays online which he knows because he has accused me of this before.

All our friends and family are so excited, they have gone to a lot of expense and effort for our wedding but I feel sick at the thought of it.

Op this sounds like a deeply unpleasant relationship. Profoundly so. And it won’t get better

are children involved?

Do not marry him. You are not a sex toy. Call a friend to help you call it off. Don't worry about your family or the money.

Cancelling a wedding is much easier than divorcing
You partner sounds like a tosser.

We don't have children together. I have older teens. We also don't live together yet, I didn't want to give up my children's secure stable home incase it did't work out so we were planning to buy together after the wedding.

You need to get away please do he is very sexually and emotionally abusive

Sorry I forgot to add - I actually tried to cancel the wedding a month ago and he rang up and told them I just had pre wedding nerves and not to cancel.

Don’t marry him, don’t, don’t, don’t. As above, easier to never marry him than to marry him then divorce. Don’t tie yourself to this horrible man and don’t risk your children’s stability for this!

My so called PMT disappeared after my ex left me.
This man is awful. Run.

Cancel cancel cancel. You are in a great position with housing etc.

Yes it won’t be easy to do but I bet you will feel so much relief.

Your gut is telling you something, you should be excited at this time. Nervous but excited, not worrying.

This doesn't seem healthy to me and from experience of not trusting my gut and getting married anyway, it got a hell of a lot worse.

Other people's expectations are none of your concern, his expectations are none of your concern. Your well-being and future is.

Oh my god! Definitely cancel! He sounds like an absolute dickhead. Tell a friend or family member (or show them the post) and ask them to ring round for you if you can't face doing it.

That's great! You've done it once now do it again and say to ignore him as its not going ahead. If he wants to pay for it and stand there looking like a wally on the day then he can.

I hope I am not breaking some kind of rule here, but this is what Bing (AI) says. I thought it gave some very helpful links for websites. Even one from a woman who cancels people's wedding for a living!!

I am not surprised you want to cancel this wedding. All I can offer is, I had a strong feeling like this in my early 20s. I went through with it. What a BIG mistake. Divorced within 18 months. Listen to your gut!

Hello, this is Bing. I'm sorry to hear that you are having doubts about your wedding and that you are in a difficult situation with your partner. It sounds like you are feeling unhappy, anxious, and pressured by his behavior and expectations.

Calling off a wedding is a big decision that can have emotional, financial, and social consequences. However, it is also important to listen to your intuition and your feelings, and not to go through with something that you are not sure about or that makes you feel sick. You deserve to be in a relationship that is respectful, supportive, and loving, and not one that is manipulative, controlling, or abusive.

I searched the web for some information and advice on how to call off a wedding, and I found some useful resources that you might want to check out. Here are some of them:

• Calling Off a Wedding: Answers to Your Most Pressing Questions - The Knothttps://www.theknot.com/content/calling-off-wedding-etiquette: A website that provides some answers to common questions about calling off a wedding, such as how to let everyone know, how to deal with the engagement ring, how to handle the vendors and the deposits, and how to cope with the emotional fallout.

• How to Call Off a Wedding - Advice From a Breakup Expert - InStylehttps://www.instyle.com/lifestyle/call-off-wedding-expert-tips: A website that features an interview with a breakup expert who cancels people's weddings for a living. She shares some tips on how to make the decision, how to break the news, how to handle the logistics, and how to heal from the heartache.

• A Helpful Guide to Cancelling a Wedding at the Last Minutehttps://www.zola.com/expert-advice/a-helpful-guide-to-cancelling-a-wedding-at-the-last-minute: A website that provides a helpful guide on how to cancel a wedding at the last minute, including how to make the decision, how to cancel with vendors, and how to notify your guests.

• Six Signs You Should Call Off A Wedding | Regainhttps://www.regain.us/advice/marriage/six-signs-you-should-call-off-a-wedding/: A website that provides some signs that you should call off a wedding, such as having doubts, feeling pressured, being unhappy, having trust issues, having different values, or being abused.

Cancel it just sounds unhealthy.

I’d have his stuff packed and ready to go when he comes in the evening. Change the locks during the day.

That's great. You don't ever have to see him again then

Adding to the PMT. I had severe PMT in my teens/20s and at 30 came off the pill and let nature take its course. The PMT was still there but less or more normal. Anyway I was in an emotionally abusive relationship and this didn’t help my PMT.

You will regret this marriage so don’t do it.

Mind boggling

Definitely cancel this wedding

Do not marry this man under any circumstances. You are seeing all too clearly who he really is (an abuser) and besides which he is no role model for your DC either. This twat also claimed you had BPD when he was not at all qualified to make such a pronouncement.

Better off calling the whole thing off today that facing a divorce from him going forward. Trusted friends can help you also.

Cancel it!
You can deal with the fallout. Your friends and family will understand.

It's going to be waaay harder to split afterwards when you're living together. You might have to split your assets too.

This is not a good relationship, especially as he sees PMDD as some kind of get out of jail free card. Just call it off.
Out of interest, is this your bad week? Or does he just say it whenever he does something to upset you, to make you seem like the irrational one?

I am so scared that maybe this is my PMDD and that if I cancel I will regret it but I really don't think that it is.

He tells the whole thing so differently, that he is allowed to raise it if he has an issue with our sex life and he is very unhappy with it at the moment. (It had been two days, one I was unwell and one I wasn't enthusiastic enough)

He just completely ignores his actions and says look at the dates, this is your revolting behaviour again.

Yes I flew off the handle and immediately went to - lets just cancel the wedding instead of talking to him rationally about it but I feel like I am barley clinging to a thread of sanity and getting married is the worst idea anyway so yes my initial thought was cancel because that's how I already felt.

He sounds awful. Not marriage material.

What is better?
Imagine the next 40+ years of living like this with emotional and sexual abuse everyday/every other day,
or a happy one without that.

CANCEL THE WEDDING!

PLEASE, cancel the wedding, please keep in touch on here, tell us you HAVE done it ☹️