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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband doesn't want my parents to stay longer than a weekend - it's a 7-hour drive for them

616 replies

Martacus · 29/10/2023 22:53

I'd appreciate some advice here as my husband thinks I'm being unreasonable.

My parents live a 7-hour drive away. We recently moved to a new house and they haven't seen it yet. I would like to have them to stay next month for a long weekend (3 full days). We have a large spare room with an ensuite for them to stay in. My dad is amazingly helpful with DIY and has offered to put up shelves, help sort the garden etc.

I would also like to see them to catch up, and for a bit longer than just a weekend since they're coming all the way. I haven't seen them much this year for various reasons.

I would like to have them here for a full day on the Friday (so arriving Thursday evening, leaving early Monday morning) and I would take a day of leave on the Friday and show them round the area.

But my husband says no - 'no way' can they come on the Thursday night, and if I bring it up again, he'll get very annoyed. He only wants them over the weekend.

He can just WFH/ go into the office on the Friday, so he wouldn't need to see them. I've also told him he can make some plans over the weekend if he wants some of his own space.

For context, my parents are kind and helpful people and they would like to see us in our new home.

OP posts:
Walnuthhwip · 29/10/2023 22:55

Have you asked him why?
have there been issues before when they come stay?
does he typically ban you from talking about certain things or asking for things?

Spottywombat · 29/10/2023 22:57

Well, he can get annoyed & you can have a big row.

How is the balance of power in the relationship?

Mourningbecomeselectra · 29/10/2023 23:00

I thought you were going to say they wanted to stay for a week at least. One extra day? Why’s that bother him so much? Do you do this with his parents?

CrotchetyQuaver · 29/10/2023 23:00

I think with a 7 hour journey each way, a 4 or even 5 day stay would be ok, your DH sounds the unreasonable one here unless there's some history you haven't mentioned. Would he be happy to spend a whole day travelling for 2 nights and then a whole day to go home again, somehow I doubt it.

Cheshiresun · 29/10/2023 23:01

I don't understand how one or two extra days would affect your husband that much or make that much of a difference. Does he not like them? Your parents sound like they are being kind, helping with the new home etc. You say you haven't seen them for a while, it is only a weekend, not every day. I'm not understanding it from your OH's perspective, he is sounding a little selfish.

Sundaefraise · 29/10/2023 23:03

Unless there is a lot of info missing, he sounds horrid. This meanness to family would be so unattractive to me.

RandomMess · 29/10/2023 23:07

On the surface YANBU and your not so 'D'H is.

Are they able to fly or train it or any chance they can tag on a night away to treat themselves on the way up and down.

I would need 3 nights minimum to get over that length of drive tbh.

Original poster
Martacus · 29/10/2023 23:10

@CrotchetyQuaver the history is that my parents have been kind to both of us - they gave us money towards our house, and let us both live in their flat rent-free for a year. My husband took issue with my dad being 'interfering' about our wedding plans - and confronted him about it - but that was ages ago.

OP posts:
sunshineandshowers40 · 29/10/2023 23:12

I hate having over nigh guests but YANBU. A 7 hour drive and you are asking for an extra day, 5 days would be ok (if they weren't. every month!)

dothehokeycokey · 29/10/2023 23:13

Tell him he's being very unkind and disrespectful to you and your parents after all the help they have given

I'd also tell him he's not painting himself in a very good light at all right now and if he wants to threaten you to be quiet by saying hel get annoyed I would be telling him your already raging with him for behaving like a knob

Crikeyalmighty · 29/10/2023 23:15

@Martacus your h is a real arse OP- I'm not a mega family person but my 84 year old FIL comes every 6 -8 weeks or so to usFriday to Monday and we give him a good time.

As someone on here once said 'whose made your H king? ' tell him they are staying and that's the end of it . Your ask is very reasonable

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 29/10/2023 23:15

Your husband sounds like an awful arsehole. Why does he get to lay down the law about this anyway? Its only one extra day, hardly excessive. Is he usually like this?

Springwillcome · 29/10/2023 23:16

Your husband is a controlling creep. You don’t need his permission to have your parents visit your home! Tell him they are coming and tell him that his controlling lack of gratitude or basic politeness is really unattractive. If he loses his temper then you’ve got a bad man there.

There’s very little difference between having guests for 2 days or having them for 3. Usually after a 7 hr drive, parents would usually expect to stay a week!

This isn’t about 2 days versus 3, it’s about your husband seeking to control your relationship with your parents and isolate you. He sounds like a nasty and cruel man, I’d watch your back OP.

DappledThings · 29/10/2023 23:16

He's being awful. My parents are about a 5 hour drive away and we always expect them to be here at least 4 days. Often it's a full week.

BitOutOfPractice · 29/10/2023 23:17

Who voted him king of the world?

Vinrouge4 · 29/10/2023 23:17

He sounds very controlling. I would not give in to him.

BrimfulOfMash · 29/10/2023 23:18

I would just tell him that is the arrangement and that’s that.

Bloody hell: he lived rent free in your parent’s flat for a year, your parents gave you money… he ‘confronts’ your Dad about interfering (did he?).

Tell him one extra night in your house hardly repays a rent free year in theirs.

Tbh he sounds obnoxious.

MrsSkylerWhite · 29/10/2023 23:19

So why does your husband get to dictate to you?
No, he doesn’t, is the correct answer.

LuluMorris · 29/10/2023 23:20

The fact that he's shut you down over it is really quite upsetting. What would he do if it was his own parents? Would he say no to them too?

feelingfree17 · 29/10/2023 23:20

Why does he get to say how long your parents (who sound lovely by the way) get to stay? I would tell him to either find some decency and manners or go away for the duration of their stay .

Milkand2sugarsplease · 29/10/2023 23:21

It's not your husband's place to dictate to you what can and can't happen in your home. You're not asking for them to come for a fortnight, it's one extra night to what they would be staying anyway. Tell him you're not asking permission, you're informing him of your plans and if he wants to inform you of his plans, ie, not be home if he doesn't want to, he's welcome to.

Aquamarine1029 · 29/10/2023 23:23

Your marriage is in very serious trouble. This does not bode well at all.

arethereanyleftatall · 29/10/2023 23:24

Was your dad's 'interfering' with your wedding plans, actually your dad trying to warn his daughter not to get married to a horrible man?

Original poster
Martacus · 29/10/2023 23:27

arethereanyleftatall · 29/10/2023 23:24

Was your dad's 'interfering' with your wedding plans, actually your dad trying to warn his daughter not to get married to a horrible man?

Hi @arethereanyleftatall , no, he was just emailing us with wedding venue suggestions because we were being slow with finding a venue! He stopped when he realised it wasn't helpful.

OP posts:
LunaDeBallona · 29/10/2023 23:29

Your poor parents.
I would be devastated if my daughter ‘wasn’t allowed’ to let me stay for 4 nights after a 7 hr drive.
I would be telling him if he doesn’t like it he can go away for a night or two but they are my parents and they are welcome to stay at the home they helped you buy.
Do you usually have to ask permission before you make decisions? This may be time to start putting your foot down & drawing a line in the sand.
I hope you have a lovely, long weekend with them - they won’t be here forever so enjoy the time with them because if you submit to your husbands demands one day you will remember this and resent him for it.

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