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Original poster

Husband doesn't want my parents to stay longer than a weekend - it's a 7-hour drive for them

616 replies

Martacus · 29/10/2023 22:53

I'd appreciate some advice here as my husband thinks I'm being unreasonable.

My parents live a 7-hour drive away. We recently moved to a new house and they haven't seen it yet. I would like to have them to stay next month for a long weekend (3 full days). We have a large spare room with an ensuite for them to stay in. My dad is amazingly helpful with DIY and has offered to put up shelves, help sort the garden etc.

I would also like to see them to catch up, and for a bit longer than just a weekend since they're coming all the way. I haven't seen them much this year for various reasons.

I would like to have them here for a full day on the Friday (so arriving Thursday evening, leaving early Monday morning) and I would take a day of leave on the Friday and show them round the area.

But my husband says no - 'no way' can they come on the Thursday night, and if I bring it up again, he'll get very annoyed. He only wants them over the weekend.

He can just WFH/ go into the office on the Friday, so he wouldn't need to see them. I've also told him he can make some plans over the weekend if he wants some of his own space.

For context, my parents are kind and helpful people and they would like to see us in our new home.

OP posts:
Teenagehorrorbag · 30/10/2023 00:10

I had an abusive ex who hated the fact that I was close to my Dad......

Your DH is massively out of order. He will be at work on Friday and so it doesn't affect him at all. Most couples are happy (or at least willing) to accommodate their partners' families from time to time - it's part of being in a relationship. Your DH has no right to lay down the law and expect you to comply - is he always controlling? Is this part of a wider problem in your relationship?

If not - then just laugh it off. It's your house too, and you can invite who you want, when you want, within reason. One extra day for your own parents, is certainly within reason. Don't give him the satisfaction of seeing you take his views seriously - just tell him the plans and chuckle and say he can go to his club if it's really all too much, lol.....

Pumpkintopf · 30/10/2023 00:16

Moveoverdarlin · 29/10/2023 23:42

I would crack on with your plans and invite them from the Thursday night. Then say to DH ‘Mum and Dad are coming on Thursday night, you said you’d be annoyed, so just FYI you need to start getting annoyed right about now if that’s how you want to play it. Funny that you weren’t that annoyed when they gave us XX grand for this house and you weren’t too annoyed when we lived rent free for a whole fucking year. My Mum and Dad are lovely people and if you resist them staying with us again, I’ll get really annoyed.’

Absolutely this!

crumblingschools · 30/10/2023 00:22

Who ended up choosing the wedding venue?

Do you have other guests to stay or does he veto them too?

Dillane · 30/10/2023 00:24

He sounds a controlling arse OP. Why are you with him?

Lizzieregina · 30/10/2023 00:25

I would be horrified if my DH had ever wanted to treat my parents so poorly.

My dad used to visit for 2-3 weeks at a time and my MIL had stayed for as long as a month. We were both thrilled to have that time with them. My husband treated my dad like a king.

You need to stand up to him and not let him bully you.

VintageBlossomHill · 30/10/2023 00:32

(he said tonight that he'd leave the house for 7 days if I offered my parents Thurs - Mon, but I don't think he'll actually follow that through).

Id take him up on that offer- is your ‘DH’ often a knob?

PaminaMozart · 30/10/2023 00:33

He would rather leave the house - and you/his family! - for an entire week, than have your parents stay an extra day? Even though he would t have to see them on the Friday?

This is baffling! There must be more to this??!!!

Sugarfree23 · 30/10/2023 00:37

@Martacus I don't think you are being unreasonable at all, I actually think for a 7 hr drive its hardly worth the effort for anything less than 4 nights. 2 days travel for 2 days enjoyment.

Who's idea was it to move 7hrs from your parents? Is he trying to drive a wedge between you and your family?
Tread carefully, don't let him bully you

Cnidarian · 30/10/2023 00:42

You've married a bully. I doubt this is the only example you have. He should spend time with your family when they visit. Please talk to your parents about this when they come, he is trying to isolate you from them. This is a big red flag.

SheilaFentiman · 30/10/2023 00:46

He is being awful. Good luck for tomorrow

saraclara · 30/10/2023 00:47

Tell him one extra night in your house hardly repays a rent free year in theirs.

That. Your parents sound wonderful, and he should be counting his blessings.

I honestly don''t know why you're with such a controlling and ungrateful man. I'd let him disappear for seven days and have a nice break from him, frankly.

saraclara · 30/10/2023 00:49

You don't seem as upset and baffled as I'd be. Which means he's probably a controlling, miserable dick more than just today.

Yep. I'd be both furious and bewildered if this came out of nowhere. You seem oddly calm about it.

Oblomov23 · 30/10/2023 00:51

What a twot he is, I too thought you were going to say a week!

Panaa · 30/10/2023 00:52

Martacus · 29/10/2023 23:10

@CrotchetyQuaver the history is that my parents have been kind to both of us - they gave us money towards our house, and let us both live in their flat rent-free for a year. My husband took issue with my dad being 'interfering' about our wedding plans - and confronted him about it - but that was ages ago.

Did you have a thread about that at the time? I remember one where the husband was extremely horrible to the lovely dad about the wedding.

Original poster
Martacus · 30/10/2023 01:07

Hi @saraclara, I'm not that calm about it - I'm baffled about why it's such a big deal. I wouldn't mind at all if his parents came for a weekend plus a day.

OP posts:
saraclara · 30/10/2023 01:09

Martacus · 30/10/2023 01:07

Hi @saraclara, I'm not that calm about it - I'm baffled about why it's such a big deal. I wouldn't mind at all if his parents came for a weekend plus a day.

Had he given you any indication at all as to why he's kicking off about this? Especially since he doesn't even need to be there on the Friday.

And is he normally so controlling and angry?

Mothership4two · 30/10/2023 01:16

Looking at some of your other threads Martacus, you don't sound like a happy bunny in your marriage

justanothermanicmonday1 · 30/10/2023 01:27

"DH. Since this is also my home, and the fact that my DP have been so helpful, generous & gracious by letting us stay in their flat for a year rent free, they are staying an extra day here. Sorry if you don't agree with that. However, I don't need your permission. I hope you find the nearest hotel extremely comfortable and I'll see you Monday evening" 😂

Ponderingwindow · 30/10/2023 01:37

you aren’t asking for 3 days, you are asking for 5. Thursday-Monday is 5 days. It doesn’t matter if they arrive late and leave early on those days, those days still count as part of the disruption to the household and lack of privacy.

if that is the time you want, that is one thing, but don’t pretend it’s just a weekend visit. It makes it seem like you don’t have any respect for other people.

Be honest about what you are asking. Perhaps ending the trip on Sunday would make the Thursday arrival more palatable because there will be no houseguests going in to the work week. Having Sunday evening to recover can be very important.

LemondropSnowdrop · 30/10/2023 01:47

Upgrade husband, quite frankly, is being an arse.

I'm assuming you view this as an equal partnership? Do you really need permission for your family to stay?

Hearmenow23 · 30/10/2023 03:01

As a pp mentioned your other threads, I had a look too. I think you know that you need to leave him. He's not a nice man. Let him leave for 7 days and have a good chat with your parents and make a plan to leave. No dc involved is fantastic. You will be ok.

Canisaysomething · 30/10/2023 03:01

He sounds very controlling.

saffronsoup · 30/10/2023 03:22

There has to be some issue from his perspective that you aren’t mentioning. Have you said no to his guests, does he hate overnight guests generally, does he wfh and this will disrupt his job, there was tension or issues when you lived in their place etc?

People don’t get upset in a vaccuum. There is clearly something about this that is bothering him and why he wants it to be a short visit. If he won’t communicate about it then you can’t discuss it or address. He can stay somewhere else if he isn’t able to tell you what about the arrangement is upsetting him.

Gowlett · 30/10/2023 03:29

Assuming your dad paid for (or helped) the wedding?

uncomfortablydumb53 · 30/10/2023 03:29

Your parents sound lovely
He's a bully
Is he jealous of your relationship with them?
I'd consider it a win if he left for 7 days
Please think about your marriage as a whole, it doesn't bode well

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