Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband doesn't want my parents to stay longer than a weekend - it's a 7-hour drive for them

616 replies

Martacus · 29/10/2023 22:53

I'd appreciate some advice here as my husband thinks I'm being unreasonable.

My parents live a 7-hour drive away. We recently moved to a new house and they haven't seen it yet. I would like to have them to stay next month for a long weekend (3 full days). We have a large spare room with an ensuite for them to stay in. My dad is amazingly helpful with DIY and has offered to put up shelves, help sort the garden etc.

I would also like to see them to catch up, and for a bit longer than just a weekend since they're coming all the way. I haven't seen them much this year for various reasons.

I would like to have them here for a full day on the Friday (so arriving Thursday evening, leaving early Monday morning) and I would take a day of leave on the Friday and show them round the area.

But my husband says no - 'no way' can they come on the Thursday night, and if I bring it up again, he'll get very annoyed. He only wants them over the weekend.

He can just WFH/ go into the office on the Friday, so he wouldn't need to see them. I've also told him he can make some plans over the weekend if he wants some of his own space.

For context, my parents are kind and helpful people and they would like to see us in our new home.

OP posts:
femfemlicious · 30/10/2023 03:35

Martacus · 29/10/2023 23:49

Thanks all.

He was telling me tonight that I was being 'a torture' for trying to get him to agree to my parents staying Thursday evening - Monday morning.

Thanks for the advice that I should just tell him it's happening. I'll do that tomorrow evening, and brace myself for a row (he said tonight that he'd leave the house for 7 days if I offered my parents Thurs - Mon, but I don't think he'll actually follow that through).

He sounds exactly like my ex husband. Do you have to walk on eggshells to "keep the peace ". Absolute nightmare 😭

Wheredidyougonow · 30/10/2023 03:47

You need to stick up for your parents, they sound absolutely lovely and the type who would be there for you no matter what. Don't repay them by allowing this man to abuse their kindness and treat them badly. Let him FO for 7 days and make it clear you wouldn't accept being controlled this way.

SunRainStorm · 30/10/2023 03:53

"he said tonight that he'd leave the house for 7 days if I offered my parents Thurs - Mon"

OP, your problem and your solution in one sentence.

Help him pack his bags. What a bully.

ElleCapitaine · 30/10/2023 03:55

“Thanks for the advice that I should just tell him it's happening. I'll do that tomorrow evening, and brace myself for a row (he said tonight that he'd leave the house for 7 days if I offered my parents Thurs - Mon, but I don't think he'll actually follow that through).”

sounds like a win/win. Ask if he could make it two weeks or even a month.

PetsAreBetter · 30/10/2023 03:59

I have plenty of good reasons why my inlaws staying for this long would be reasonable to reject - yet even I could suck it up for Thursday to Monday. Your husband is unreasonable unless there's a proper justification for his attitude.

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 30/10/2023 04:03

Was it his idea to move 7 hours from your parents? Your post has soo many red flags it’s quite scary really… it sounds like he is trying to distance you from your parents. He should be rolling out the red carpet for the people who gave him a financial leg up in life not blocking them from visiting.

pkease watch yourself and have a row( if safe) cos he’s a knob

ExitChasedByAPolarBear · 30/10/2023 04:04

Martacus · 29/10/2023 23:49

Thanks all.

He was telling me tonight that I was being 'a torture' for trying to get him to agree to my parents staying Thursday evening - Monday morning.

Thanks for the advice that I should just tell him it's happening. I'll do that tomorrow evening, and brace myself for a row (he said tonight that he'd leave the house for 7 days if I offered my parents Thurs - Mon, but I don't think he'll actually follow that through).

Does he normally have a row with you when he doesn’t get things his way? Who died and made him king of everything? It sounds like he’s having a bit of a tantrum for a measly 3 days. Is he always like this? Or has something happened recently to sour his mood? Having said that, he’d leave the house for 7 days? How’s that a grown-up way of dealing with things? There’s nothing wrong with you inviting your parents to stay for a short trip every other month if he wanted and likewise the same with him. Especially if your parents are going to help you with settling into your new place and you get to catch up with them so it’s a win-win as well.

PaminaMozart · 30/10/2023 04:16

Please please PLEASE tell me you ringfenced the deposit your parents gave you...

Mummyoflittledragon · 30/10/2023 04:23

Am wondering if the long distance move was his idea and as way of isolating you from your parents.

Codlingmoths · 30/10/2023 04:26

you say: dh it’s happening and they are coming on Thursday, but if you really feel this way I will call an agent to start getting the house sold. If my parents aren’t allowed to visit for a few days without you throwing a tantrum that would put a 2yo to shame then I won’t live here, and I want to give them their money back: they don’t give it with strings but I don’t want to take it anymore.’
and the next day you say sorry am I calling the agent or not? You weren’t clear.

honestly what an immature baby.

Mangotango39 · 30/10/2023 04:37

What an idiot!
He would hate to be with me - my parents often come for a whole month.

He needs to put up really - he's being very unreasonable - it's an extra night! They helped with the house and that shouldn't come with strings but cmon?
rent free for a year??
he sounds ungrateful!

bonzaitree · 30/10/2023 04:38

This sounds like a lot of drama for a three-night stay.

I think if you give into his demands it sets a bad precedent. Because then he knows he can kick off and you’ll just oblige.

I think this is a row worth having and it’s worth digging your heels in!

ohdamnitjanet · 30/10/2023 04:39

Wow, he’s a proper wanker. Who the fuck does he think he is?

RiderofRohan · 30/10/2023 04:43

Sounds like your husband is happy to take, take, take from your parents but wants to give nothing in return.

I doubt this is the only thing he is selfish about. Usually there is trend with this sort of man.

He's very disrespectful to your poor parents. You need to put your foot down and refuse to tolerate it.

Lastchancechica · 30/10/2023 04:44

Your problems are bigger than a visit from your parents op.

You share your house, he has no right to dictate to you who can visit and for how long. This is controlling and coercive behaviour.

I would allow him to leave for a week and would not put up with this at all.

Why do you live so far from your parents?
Are you isolated?

HoppingPavlova · 30/10/2023 04:50

I don’t see the issue. If you want them to stay for a day, 3 days, a week, or a month, why does he get to veto it?

although, I will say I never get this mentality on Mumsnet:
I think with a 7 hour journey each way, a 4 or even 5 day stay would be ok

My in-laws lived a 6hr drive from us. We only ever visited them for the day. We just set off really early, up 4am, get kids from bed to car and set off at 4.30am. Chuck over some drinks and snacks on way. Arrive 10.30am, greet, cup of tea, get kids dressed, have lunch, leave at 3.30pm and home 9.30pm. Do it on a Saturday so if kids tired and ratty, have Sunday to all chill and reset. How it requires a 5 day stay due to the length of drive is beyond me.

Olika · 30/10/2023 04:55

Just tell him they are coming and that's it. If he wants to go somewhere because of that then that's his choice.

HeadacheEarthquake · 30/10/2023 05:04

HoppingPavlova · 30/10/2023 04:50

I don’t see the issue. If you want them to stay for a day, 3 days, a week, or a month, why does he get to veto it?

although, I will say I never get this mentality on Mumsnet:
I think with a 7 hour journey each way, a 4 or even 5 day stay would be ok

My in-laws lived a 6hr drive from us. We only ever visited them for the day. We just set off really early, up 4am, get kids from bed to car and set off at 4.30am. Chuck over some drinks and snacks on way. Arrive 10.30am, greet, cup of tea, get kids dressed, have lunch, leave at 3.30pm and home 9.30pm. Do it on a Saturday so if kids tired and ratty, have Sunday to all chill and reset. How it requires a 5 day stay due to the length of drive is beyond me.

A 12 hour round trip for a 5 hour visit?

PickledPurplePickle · 30/10/2023 05:05

Your husband sounds mean and controlling

Whose choice was it to move so far away from your parents?

So what if he leaves for 7 days if your parents come for longer, tell him to stop acting like a spoilt child

Goldbar · 30/10/2023 05:15

Your H sounds awful. Tell him to go and that you don't care much if he comes back.

Do you have kids? It might be time to think about cutting your losses?

Venturini · 30/10/2023 05:19

He sounds like a right prick. Tell him to fuck off and enjoy having the place to yourself with your folks

Venturini · 30/10/2023 05:20

And if he is this obstructive over a weekend I dread to think what he is like more generally. It’s a red flag for me tbh.

Brocollimatilda · 30/10/2023 05:25

Is he controlling in other areas of your life as well?

BettyPhuckzer · 30/10/2023 05:27

Venturini · 30/10/2023 05:20

And if he is this obstructive over a weekend I dread to think what he is like more generally. It’s a red flag for me tbh.

This ^

I dont understand.

If he is normally a great guy and this is a one off, there must be a reason why he dislikes your parents so much and you're simply not telling us what's wrong with them

If he is generally an absolute twat and does this sort of thing a lot.....why are you surprised and why are you with him?

user1492757084 · 30/10/2023 05:30

Inform your husband that you have invited your parents for a week so that they will not be tired and unsafe when driving all that way. You are taking time off work to host them and you are so looking forward to it as they are getting older, they haven't seen you much lately and you have many plans to do tasks together.
Having your parents to stay for a couple of weeks per year is not unreasonable when they live far away. You love it; you are hosting and your husband is being nasty.

Swipe left for the next trending thread