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Original poster

Husband doesn't want my parents to stay longer than a weekend - it's a 7-hour drive for them

616 replies

Martacus · 29/10/2023 22:53

I'd appreciate some advice here as my husband thinks I'm being unreasonable.

My parents live a 7-hour drive away. We recently moved to a new house and they haven't seen it yet. I would like to have them to stay next month for a long weekend (3 full days). We have a large spare room with an ensuite for them to stay in. My dad is amazingly helpful with DIY and has offered to put up shelves, help sort the garden etc.

I would also like to see them to catch up, and for a bit longer than just a weekend since they're coming all the way. I haven't seen them much this year for various reasons.

I would like to have them here for a full day on the Friday (so arriving Thursday evening, leaving early Monday morning) and I would take a day of leave on the Friday and show them round the area.

But my husband says no - 'no way' can they come on the Thursday night, and if I bring it up again, he'll get very annoyed. He only wants them over the weekend.

He can just WFH/ go into the office on the Friday, so he wouldn't need to see them. I've also told him he can make some plans over the weekend if he wants some of his own space.

For context, my parents are kind and helpful people and they would like to see us in our new home.

OP posts:
endofthelinefinally · 29/10/2023 23:34

He sounds nasty and controlling. I hope they did all the legal paperwork to ring fence the money they gave you towards the house.

Pumpkinspicelattetime · 29/10/2023 23:35

Perhaps your husband should pay back all the financial help he's taken from your parents if he finds them so terrible?

I honestly thought you were going to say they wanted to stay for a week and given the length of drive that would have been fine. But an extra day when your husband can work from the office? What the hell is he complaining about. And trying to shut you down makes him sound like a controlling arsehole.

Humbugg · 29/10/2023 23:35

OP what will his reaction be when you tell him it’s going ahead for Thursday to Monday anyway? Will be be angry/ grumpy and horrible to you?

Pumpkintopf · 29/10/2023 23:39

Erm, what leads him to believe this is solely his decision to make?
Shouldn't it be something you can discuss openly?
Trying to 'put his foot down' like this and tell you not to discuss it any more is controlling behaviour IMO.

theduchessofspork · 29/10/2023 23:39

Steel yourself for a row

What you want to say is ACTUALLY you wanted them to stay for 5 days, but you reduced it to 3 for his sake (guests like fish start to stink after 3 days etc). You cannot ask them to drive that time without a long weekend in the middle (you can’t). Three days is a long weekend and perfectly reasonable and that is that. So tough.

determinedtomakethiswork · 29/10/2023 23:40

I bet if you had an honest conversation with your parents you'd find out what they really thought of him. He sounds like a complete knob. He's happy to take their money and doesn't want to even see them, he doesn't even want them to be in the house when he isn't there!

tara66 · 29/10/2023 23:42

Remind him HE lived rent free in you DP's flat for a YEAR and now he can only stand them to come to stay for 2 days and will not countenance 3 days? He sounds very mean.

Moveoverdarlin · 29/10/2023 23:42

I would crack on with your plans and invite them from the Thursday night. Then say to DH ‘Mum and Dad are coming on Thursday night, you said you’d be annoyed, so just FYI you need to start getting annoyed right about now if that’s how you want to play it. Funny that you weren’t that annoyed when they gave us XX grand for this house and you weren’t too annoyed when we lived rent free for a whole fucking year. My Mum and Dad are lovely people and if you resist them staying with us again, I’ll get really annoyed.’

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 29/10/2023 23:42

Martacus · 29/10/2023 23:10

@CrotchetyQuaver the history is that my parents have been kind to both of us - they gave us money towards our house, and let us both live in their flat rent-free for a year. My husband took issue with my dad being 'interfering' about our wedding plans - and confronted him about it - but that was ages ago.

Wow. So he's happy to accept their hospitality for a year but not give it back for three nights? Is he usually this thoughtless and selfish?

Coyoacan · 29/10/2023 23:44

He sounds like a bully, OP. So sorry

Original poster
Martacus · 29/10/2023 23:49

Thanks all.

He was telling me tonight that I was being 'a torture' for trying to get him to agree to my parents staying Thursday evening - Monday morning.

Thanks for the advice that I should just tell him it's happening. I'll do that tomorrow evening, and brace myself for a row (he said tonight that he'd leave the house for 7 days if I offered my parents Thurs - Mon, but I don't think he'll actually follow that through).

OP posts:
Mothership4two · 29/10/2023 23:51

My parents also live about a seven hour dirive away. TBH I wouldn't expect them to come all this way just for a weekend, they would come for a week minimum and probably two. However they are in their 80s and it takes it out of my dad to drive for so far.

cardiganboo · 29/10/2023 23:51

Aww your parents sound lovely! Your husband is maybe jealous of your relationship with them. Manipulative pricks usually are. X

GrumpyPanda · 29/10/2023 23:52

Well if he does follow through and leaves rhe house for seven days, that means your parents can stay a few days longer, right? Win-win.

Mothership4two · 29/10/2023 23:53

OP what does he say when you point out all the help they have given you and so a weekend is nothing in comparison?

Gothambutnotahamster · 29/10/2023 23:53

cardiganboo · 29/10/2023 23:51

Aww your parents sound lovely! Your husband is maybe jealous of your relationship with them. Manipulative pricks usually are. X

Absolutely this. You need to stand your ground with this Op or he'll walk all over you forever. What you're asking isn't unreasonable at all. Sorry he's such a shit.

Vinrouge4 · 29/10/2023 23:54

Martacus · 29/10/2023 23:49

Thanks all.

He was telling me tonight that I was being 'a torture' for trying to get him to agree to my parents staying Thursday evening - Monday morning.

Thanks for the advice that I should just tell him it's happening. I'll do that tomorrow evening, and brace myself for a row (he said tonight that he'd leave the house for 7 days if I offered my parents Thurs - Mon, but I don't think he'll actually follow that through).

I’d tell him to crack on and offer to help pack his case.

TomatoSandwiches · 29/10/2023 23:55

Usually I am on side with whatever spouse dislikes over staying visitors however this is not even a week and it's your parents who have been very generous and kind in the past.

I would happily pack his bag for 7 days and book him a room somewhere local and then enjoy seeing your parents.

I would use the remaining days to seriously think about continuing this marriage.

Nicole1111 · 29/10/2023 23:55

What a controlling petulant child you have on your hands there. I hope he follows through on his threats and gives you a week off of him

Screamingabdabz · 29/10/2023 23:55

Why does he think he has the veto? You are entitled to invite your own parents to your own house. Has he always been such a knob about kind generous people you are related to?

RedCoffeeCup · 29/10/2023 23:56

Tell him that's great! If he's out of the house for 7 days then your parents can stay longer.

Seriously, he sounds like a controlling arse. Is this the only thing he's like this about?

Cognacsoft · 29/10/2023 23:59

Martacus · 29/10/2023 23:49

Thanks all.

He was telling me tonight that I was being 'a torture' for trying to get him to agree to my parents staying Thursday evening - Monday morning.

Thanks for the advice that I should just tell him it's happening. I'll do that tomorrow evening, and brace myself for a row (he said tonight that he'd leave the house for 7 days if I offered my parents Thurs - Mon, but I don't think he'll actually follow that through).

Tell him you’ll help him pack.
My dh wasn’t used to family staying in the early days as all his family lived in one town.
He soon got used to my family staying. It was non negotiable afaiwc.

Londonandon · 30/10/2023 00:00

Coming to stay for a weekend means two nights, not four.

Could you compromise on having them to stay for three nights?

Pocodaku · 30/10/2023 00:01

Your H is a horrible, selfish man. Your parents sound lovely and kind.

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/10/2023 00:01

You don't seem as upset and baffled as I'd be. Which means he's probably a controlling, miserable dick more than just today.

If it's new, I'd like to know where he's going for 7 nights. Shitty behaviour, manufacturing arguments, and spending lots of time out of the t house...

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