Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is this relationship doomed? 18 months in with Moroccan bf 17 years younger.

569 replies

Laura401 · 29/10/2023 22:27

So... left abusive relationship 2 years ago. Managing kids 50/50 with ex, and met a man when I went on holiday. Didn't really think about age or anything, began a friendship online afterwards and feelings intensified over several months. Despite initial attraction, i was reluctant due to being older. I'm 45 and he is 28. We met again, 3 times for a couple of weeks at a time - it was he most natrual and incredible experience - and we talk multiple times a day. We work together on projects, and in fact he has saved my bacon a number of times. All the classic red flags are non existent and we are, to all extents and purposes, a couple - a very happy, incredibly connected and in love couple (a feeling i though i would never again feel). My kids know about him, and are ok, not over the moon, but ok, and a few very close friends know as well. Now things have progressed to meeting families and spending as much time together as possible. I have never before met anyone quite like him and trust him implicitly. Before i hear all the comments about men from this country, Muslim men, age gap relationships etc, I want to add that i have no intention of marrying or being a green card. I just want to ask whether anyone else has found themselves in this situation and whether there was a happy ending? I'm in a total quandary about what I should do moving forwards. Is this just a road to nowhere? Am I kidding myself this could work out? Is this a love conquers all situation? I am not one for convention and don't care what people other than my kids and my loved ones think. That said, any advice from people who have found themselves in a similar situation would be massively appreciated. Ty

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
JFT · 29/10/2023 22:30

What do you mean you work together on projects? He's a work colleague?

JFT · 29/10/2023 22:31

And what do you mean he has 'saved your bacon'? From what?

NewUsernameJT · 29/10/2023 22:32

Im very skeptical of these situations. What is your gut telling you?

TheShellBeach · 29/10/2023 22:33

Do you mean he's saved your bacon financially?

Laura401 · 29/10/2023 22:34

He has done some freelance work with me - sub contracted. A lot of it unpaid - as in I needed help and would've had to pay a lot for and he did it for me. Helped me out when I was stuck.

OP posts:
Kendodd · 29/10/2023 22:34

You say you met him on holiday, but then it also sounds like you work together?

SkaneTos · 29/10/2023 22:35

You met on holiday, but you also work "together on projects"? What projects?

SkaneTos · 29/10/2023 22:35

Sorry, I read your update now.

Laura401 · 29/10/2023 22:35

Well yes, indirectly. He did work for free for me so I dIdn't have to pay someone else for it.

OP posts:
Kendodd · 29/10/2023 22:37

What work did he do? I assume remotely from Morrocco?

whatsthatinyourhand · 29/10/2023 22:38

You were in an abusive relationship until two years ago and you have been with this new fella for 17 months? I would think that only having such a short gap between them was not nearly enough time for you to recover and make real progress emotionally to ensure that your boundaries are strong.
I may be wrong but I would've thought it would take a lot longer to heal and be in a good place to date again.

GreenIsTheMagicColour · 29/10/2023 22:38

If you don't want to get married, he can't live with you in the UK.
Would you consider moving to Morocco?
If not, would you be happy with a long-distance relationship?

ScarboroughHair · 29/10/2023 22:38

So he's in Morocco? How can it work then if you've no plans to marry, it's very difficult to get a visa otherwise? How do you plan to meet up?

JFT · 29/10/2023 22:39

Nobody should be expected to work for free - why didn't you pay him?

Laura401 · 29/10/2023 22:40

My gut is telling me that life is crazy because sometimes you meet someone that you are meant to meet - and we would never have met - it was one of those weird things - spur of the moment holiday for me, he had missed a train home whole visiting friends in another city and i was waiting for a bus, and we sat in the same cafe and just got talking..something clicked.my gut says this is for real. I'm no fool and I'm not naieve. We have a crazy connection.

OP posts:
Purplecatshopaholic · 29/10/2023 22:40

As long as you don’t marry him (and he knows this), and he treats you right, crack on I say and enjoy it for what it is while it lasts.

RSintes · 29/10/2023 22:41

How old are your kids? Have they met him?

Is he still in Morocco or have you (MN forbid) moved him in with you?

Why is he doing work for you and not getting paid for it?

Such a lot of batshittery on MN today

Onelifeonly · 29/10/2023 22:42

My ex boss, then in her fifties, brought back a younger man that she met abroad, maybe from Morocco or perhaps another country in the same region of the world - can't recall. She talked about him a lot until she didn't. We weren't the best of friends, so I never knew the details of what happened. But no, evidently it didn't last.

ScarboroughHair · 29/10/2023 22:42

JFT · 29/10/2023 22:39

Nobody should be expected to work for free - why didn't you pay him?

This is a really good point. Are you certain he doesn't see your relationship as a route to the UK? Remember you actually hold the power in this relationship. You are in danger of exploiting him if he thinks this is leading to him moving to be with you.

Doyoumind · 29/10/2023 22:42

What is he looking for long term?

Laura401 · 29/10/2023 22:43

I did try but he wouldn't accept. I paid, then he returned the money. Moroccan men are very proud and want to do anything to help out. It's a cultural thing which in the end I had to accept but as we did more work, I did pay him the going rate. But sometimes he just won't accept it.

OP posts:
RoseBucket · 29/10/2023 22:44

Does he have/want children?

Billi80 · 29/10/2023 22:44

If he’s making you happy and there’s a connection , go for it. Sounds like you deserve to be happy OP. It may run its course like make relationships do, but enjoy the here and now xx

theduchessofspork · 29/10/2023 22:44

How much time have you actually spent with him in real life?

Abergale · 29/10/2023 22:45

Op you said in your post there are no red flags but this situation is covered in them.

if I had to guess since he’s not asked you for money yet I’d say there are other U.K. women who believe they are exclusive with him.