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Original poster

Hand hold please…

278 replies

User10932 · 29/10/2023 17:04

DH is currently upstairs packing his stuff to move out - things haven’t been good for a while. Kids in the dining room, carving pumpkins, none the wiser. Im locked in the bathroom, quietly crying to myself, so no one hears. How do things turn out so bad, when you start off so amazing?

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 29/10/2023 17:05

What are you going to tell them? Do you know where he’s going? Have a hand hold 💐

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 29/10/2023 17:10

Just offering a handhold Flowers

Original poster
User10932 · 29/10/2023 17:19

Thank you 🥲.

They’ve asked him to help carve pumpkins, he said he’s busy at the moment (didn’t say he’s busy leaving our lives!).

I think a hotel, but he also said he’s moving all his stuff out now to his work storage unit. Said by the end of the week, he should be completely gone.

things haven’t been ‘good’ but they also haven’t been bad - no one’s cheated, no one’s been abusive - he wants a more free life, and thinks me and the kids are holding him back from experiencing more of life/ the world. I just don’t know what to say or do.

OP posts:
SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 29/10/2023 17:23

things haven’t been ‘good’ but they also haven’t been bad - no one’s cheated, no one’s been abusive - he wants a more free life, and thinks me and the kids are holding him back from experiencing more of life/ the world. I just don’t know what to say or do.

As much as I'd love to believe him. Those are direct quotes from the Adulterers Handbook.

TwilightSkies · 29/10/2023 17:25

Be prepared he is cheating or at least having an emotional affair. Men don’t usually leave unless they have another woman in the wings.

Lemsipper · 29/10/2023 17:25

Hand hold OP 🥺
Is he planning on telling them? Explaining himself or is he just leaving..

mummyof2tobe · 29/10/2023 17:26

I'm so sorry OP. Do you have any family available for support? Sending love to you and your children Flowers

tothelefttotheleft · 29/10/2023 17:32

User10932 · 29/10/2023 17:19

Thank you 🥲.

They’ve asked him to help carve pumpkins, he said he’s busy at the moment (didn’t say he’s busy leaving our lives!).

I think a hotel, but he also said he’s moving all his stuff out now to his work storage unit. Said by the end of the week, he should be completely gone.

things haven’t been ‘good’ but they also haven’t been bad - no one’s cheated, no one’s been abusive - he wants a more free life, and thinks me and the kids are holding him back from experiencing more of life/ the world. I just don’t know what to say or do.

I'd say fuck off!

He chose to have kids but now feels they hold him back and he wants a free-er life?!
So he gets to leave you with all the responsibility?

All agree that he sounds like he may have been cheating.

Maze76 · 29/10/2023 17:33

Urgh @User10932 so sorry you’re going through this, the pain is just awful. Unfortunately I agree with PP, there is more than likely another woman in the mix, just prepare yourself.

Fkalfkfcnmoo59600789 · 29/10/2023 17:35

Gobsmacked at the reasons as to why he wants to leave and why things haven’t been good.
You might not want to think about this now but where does that leave his children in terms of contact? Is he planning on seeing them whenever he feels like? I’m so sorry your going through this.

Original poster
User10932 · 29/10/2023 17:37

Maybe he is, I don’t know. He’s just left and taken one of the dogs with him, the other one is now going crazy, just to add to the shit he’s left behind.
No family, we just lost my dad a couple of months ago, so my mum is really struggling herself and I’m trying to be there for her. No friends either, sadly, have lost everyone along the way of being a wife and a mum and working full time.

OP posts:
OhComeOnFFS · 29/10/2023 17:37

That's really awful. I'm so sorry for you and the children. What a bastard he is, just thinking he can abandon his family like that.

I would be absolutely amazed if there was nobody else involved, OP. In fact I'd bet my house on it.

Cognacsoft · 29/10/2023 17:37

I’d bet he’s cheating.
Men rarely leave because they’re not happy unless they’ve got someone else lined up.

OhComeOnFFS · 29/10/2023 17:40

On a practical note (because you of course will have to be practical even if he isn't - the same old story) can you manage financially? What about the logistics of taking children to school etc?

I'm so sorry you lost your dad recently, too. You must feel like everything's gone wrong at once. Flowers

Cognacsoft · 29/10/2023 17:40

Op have a cry today and tomorrow get angry.
Your dh is another weak bastard.
Strange he’s taken one dog.

Aria999 · 29/10/2023 17:41

Hand hold 💐

What a jerk.

Did he bother saying goodbye to his kids?

Totally understandable to have a big cry and I would myself; but after that it's time to get angry, get your ducks in a row, and realize that if this is who he is now then you are all better off without him. Horrible behavior.

StopStartStop · 29/10/2023 17:44

@User10932 💐

Riola · 29/10/2023 17:46

That is awful. He seems really unpleasant and either lacks care & consideration for you and the kids or very low in emotional intelligence. I agree with pp it’s likely he hasn’t told the full story about his reasons for leaving.

No friends either, sadly, have lost everyone along the way of being a wife and a mum and working full time.

psa to all women reading this, please don’t lose your friends for anything ! I see this so often on here a lot - women with no friends because they focused narrowly on motherhood and their marriage. It’s neither healthy nor necessary to lose your friends in pursuit of being a good wife and mum.

Original poster
User10932 · 29/10/2023 17:46

No, didn’t say bye to anyone. The kids are now ready for dinner and school tomorrow and I’m trying to go through the motions.
logistically, no issues with school runs/ childcare as that all falls to me anyway, but financially will be a major problem.
he’s already mentioned that I won’t be able to keep up the house without him, and said he’ll make it easy by keeping things going for a couple of months, as long as I make things easy for him to leave…

OP posts:
Fkalfkfcnmoo59600789 · 29/10/2023 17:48

@User10932 book an appointment with a solicitor tomorrow you need to act quick in this situation I feel that’s an underlying threat there

DumpedByText · 29/10/2023 17:51

That's the classic script for a man who has found someone else, or has someone in the pipeline.

Men don't usually leave everything just to have a 'free' life, unless they have someone to go to.

He's a selfish prick and I'm sorry you're going through this.

Original poster
User10932 · 29/10/2023 17:54

Trying to think practically - I’m not sure if I can face work tomorrow. Do I need to call my GP or do I just not go in? Do I need to tell work what’s happened??

OP posts:
whatamess100 · 29/10/2023 17:55

So hes deffinently got someone else, how dare he take to dog too! He's off to her house no doubt.

So sorry your going through this what an arsehole!

Original poster
User10932 · 29/10/2023 17:55

Unfortunately I’ve said it myself time and time again, that men don’t leave without something else lined up. And I guess it will all come out at some point. Feel sick.
kids are eating, DD knows something is up, and is very tearful. Don’t want to say anything to the kids just yet.

OP posts:
OhComeOnFFS · 29/10/2023 17:57

he’s already mentioned that I won’t be able to keep up the house without him, and said he’ll make it easy by keeping things going for a couple of months, as long as I make things easy for him to leave…

What the hell?

There is definitely someone else, OP. Seriously, this is planned. A couple of months and then he thinks you and the kids can fend for yourselves? What a bloody nerve.

I would definitely take the day off sick. I'd go to a solicitor and I'd pack up the rest of his things - if you have a garage I'd put them there.

Call your mum. I know she's had a tough time but I hope she's able to be there for you.

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