Hand hold please…

[User10932]

DH is currently upstairs packing his stuff to move out - things haven’t been good for a while. Kids in the dining room, carving pumpkins, none the wiser. Im locked in the bathroom, quietly crying to myself, so no one hears. How do things turn out so bad, when you start off so amazing?

Exactly, the average simple divorce is taking 7 months these days. I'd love to know how he can get it done in a few days....maybe you can on the same planet as these mystery woman that he's going to sleep with live on....

If he is driving to work in the mornings after drinking that amount of alcohol, he is likely still over the limit, report him to the police. Plus follow the great advice from pp’s.

Christ he's lucky he doesn't live with me. But it seems he's trying to provoke a reaction out of you..

Yup. It's not safe for others if he's driving. Also, if he gets a drunk driving conviction, that would help show that he's not of good character?

I think that if he was to be apologetic, there’s a chance you will take him back. I’m not judging. Just, if your parents are helping you to buy, or your share of the deposit is higher than his, make sure you ring fence it as coming back to you in the event of a split.

My first marriage lasted 6 months, we had bought less than a year before we split. My family had given me the deposit for our house, paid for the wedding, given me a sizeable sum for honeymoon.

Stupidly I hadn’t ring fenced the deposit and he was adamant he was having half of what my family had given to me (cheques in my name). He backed down but it was a horrible time.

I commented on your other thread about him refusing to show you his bank statements when buying. Cut him loose x

It won't feel like it now, but he's actually doing you a HUGE favour.

He's clearly a vile human being that you'll be better off without.

Why haven't you left the house alone in 10 years? Did he stop you?

You deserve so much more. He sounds like an absolute loser.

This all sounds very traumatising and I am sorry you are going through this. He sounds like an absolute lunatic and what ever crisis he is or isn't having he is treating you appallingly. I can only imagine how hurt and confused you are but in time I hope you can see he has done you a big favour.

This man is a twat from hell and I’m sorry he’s doing this to you.
Dont rise to anything he says, I know that’s so much easier said than done.
He sounds like some misogynistic Andrew Tate follower but all of a sudden. Has he ever been nice? Because he’s lower than low now. Literally just think of yourself and children- HE DOES NOT MATTER. Be clever, be sly, be secretive, be blasé with everything he says. You are better than him.

@User10932 - When you apply online for divorce there is a minimum 20 week cooling period before anything else can be done. He is talking out of his arse

I wouldn't recommend this. It would just inflict more unnecessary suffering on the OP. There are no winners in contentious divorces when the incomes aren't high, especially when the FMH is a rental.

He's talking quite a lot of bollocks. It takes ages to divorce. Will probably take at least 9 months start to finish.

I commented on your other thread about him refusing to show you his bank statements when buying. Cut him loose x

??? Is this true OP, he's been hiding money from you?

Jfc you must be traumatised OP. He's lost the plot. Idk what else to suggest but find your anger from SOMEWHERE and kick him out.
You can fall to bits once he's safely out of the way but right now you need to dig deep and get rid of this maniac.
Easier said than done, I know, I don't underestimate how blindsided you are.
But please put yourself first. It's like living with an vicious animal from your description.

@AutumnFroglets Actually I think I’ve mixed this poster up with another recent posted (my apologies OP), but my advice about ring fencing is the same if for whatever reason you ended up reconciled. I hope your mum is with you now x

Tell everyone you know, tell them what he has said. They hate being outed. Or keep calm get you ducks in a row take the kids somewhere away from his vile rants. Make sure you have copies of his NI number. Not sure I am helping just so aggrieved on your behalf. Sending hugs.

Jesus fucking Christ. He is a total joke.

If he has consulted solicitors, you do need to do the same, if only so that you have all the information you need about your position.

https://solicitors.lawsociety.org.uk/

Please stay at home today.
Get the children to school as cheerfully as you can muster.
Box up his stuff and throw him out.
He can not continue to live with you and the children and abuse you in this way op.

Call your mother and tell her the truth. No one will judge you - and you will get the support and help you need to get through this.

He has sunk so low. It does not matter whether he has been converted into a Tate fan or he is actually sleeping around, he can not continue to hurt you this way. What you are seeing now is the real him, in all of its ugly glory.

Call the solicitors, don’t wait for this to improve. It never will. I am so sorry you are going through this op, please ensure you have enough money ring fenced safely. Change your passwords, please secure everything. You are now dealing with a woman hating, ruthless monster. How would you protect dd if this was happening to her?

Then do the same for you. Today.

Well what an absolute nob. My kids dad walked out on me, things hadn’t been great for a while but I wasn’t anticipating such a sudden departure. Have you done any digging to find out if there is another woman? I agree with other posters this may be the catalyst for him leaving, going from my own experience. He was loved up with one of his groupies within a week or so, going out etc. Someone who’s name he had dropped a lot but had nothing nice to say about, said she was a sad case who was desperate for attention off any man, lo and behold the very same night he left he was messaging her telling her what a burden me and the kids were, how relieved he was to have left… I know this because a week or so after we split something wasn’t sitting right and I hacked his Facebook found out they were out for a meal and saw reams of messages going back to not long before we split and after slagging me off, how hard his life was, blah blah. The stuff he said about me was cruel, it was like he was lying to her about me to justify why he had to leave and why she was clearly the answer to his problems… like he was building a case. I suspect this is what your H is doing with all the cruel comments and phone calls telling people how over and unfixable it is. Building a case for grounds to leave, justifying what he knows in his head to be appalling behaviour. Leave him to it OP, do not bite, show as little care as you possibly can. He WANTS to feel like he has reason to leave you and kicking off at him will give him just that. My ex also started reliving his youth before he left, went back to all the death metal music he loved as a teen, bought dodgy clothes, started smoking weed with young musician friends like he did when he was a teen. It did come across a bit mid life crisis like but if it was one it’s been ongoing for 12 years, he now prances about on stage dressed as some tranny/goth guitar swinging rock star, people love it but it’s all very cringe. I think some men just lose the plot and find themselves in a hole they can’t back out of due to pride or fear of admitting what a joke they really are. If you are still on autopilot as I was use this time to sort your finances, check any benefits you might be entitled to, single person occupancy council tax etc. don’t hesitate to initiate contact with child maintenance service. Unless he’s self employed as I can tell despite his promises of you and kids never going without he will end up paying the bare minimum just to add insult to injury. If there is another woman involved he will be swayed into giving you what HE thinks is reasonable. Get all this crap sorted so he can’t surprise you with anything unpleasant further down the line. It’s really really hard OP I know but keep your dignity here and you will come out so much better. Don’t let him see he’s upset you, show him how strong you are x

What a complete DICHEAD. Hes trying to get a rise out of you OP. Dont fall for it. What makes him think these women would Fck him anyway lol...he will get a real shock soon if that's what he thinks 🤣. Tell him gl with that one because he aint that special

I bet hes been hiding bank balance, statements, because that would OUT his affair

@User10932 wrote:
I’m so embarrassed. It’s my second divorce and according to him, a pattern that the problem is me.

Yes, according to him! All abusive men blame their partners, of course they do. It doesn't mean they are right. You will still have spaghetti head, which has to be disentangled before you can see that his view of everything is no longer something you have to take into account.

Know your own truth. Be prepared for people to think "six of one, half a dozen of the other." Don't explain, just say it became clear the relationship was at an end.

Mine (didn't cheat, but manchild) has his own fabricated history about our marriage (I did eventually divorce him). I have no idea whether he has convinced himself it is true or not. When I married him, I thought he would turn out to be someone I could be proud of, but in fact I ended up ashamed of him, though I tried to keep that to myself to preserve my own pride..

I don't give a monkey's now, tbh, but it has taken quite a while to get to that point. I have had support from friends, who either let me rant, or tactfully asked no questions I might find painful to answer.

It's your life, your experiences. You are the expert on you, not him!

I’m so sorry this is happening to you with this madman.

Try not to show any emotion or feelings towards him.

Laugh at him and walk off when he insults you.

Tell him to hurry up and move out.

Because this cruel bastard is enjoying this and he wants you on your knees.

You will be ok in the end 💐

My DFriend went through something so similar - he wanted to destroy her. He came grovelling back 4 years later penniless with his tail between his legs, when he realised what he’d lost and that the grass definitely wasn’t greener.

By that time, with all the utter misery he had made her go through, he couldn’t believe it when she refused!!

@User10932 are you ok? What’s the latest?

Next time he rants about these women he wants to fuck…think to yourself “yeah dream on super stud, but would they want to fuck you”.