Hand hold please…

[User10932]

DH is currently upstairs packing his stuff to move out - things haven’t been good for a while. Kids in the dining room, carving pumpkins, none the wiser. Im locked in the bathroom, quietly crying to myself, so no one hears. How do things turn out so bad, when you start off so amazing?

Even when we’ve been child free for the last couple of weeks (sleepovers at aunties etc) he’s gone out with his friends and I’ve been stuck indoors alone, crying. When I’ve brought this up, I’m the bad guy trying to control his life, and he even said to me yesterday he doesn’t want to spend time with me and doesn’t enjoy my company.

You could just tell work 'family emergency'. But try not to stay off too long; if you have nice colleagues and few friends then being around people will probably be good for you.

As to whether you tell them I think that depends on your relationship with your manager.

How old are your kids?

What a horrible bastard.
I'm so sorry.
Do phone your doctor to get signed off.

I suspect there's another woman in the background.

He sounds really nasty. And immature.

I hope you get yourself a fiery female solicitor who will enthusiastically help you take him to the cleaners.

That's bloody cruel to do that to the dogs, let alone you and the kids.

I think there's clearly a motive behind this.

I know the feeling, my OH of 18years is currently sorting and packing and due to move out next week end.
It's a shit feeling the life living with you makes them feel so bad they just want out.
I had no inclination they were so unhappy.
Doesn't help that they have feelings for a work colleague.
I'm at rock bottom right now trying to make half term seem OK.
The future feels equally bleak.
Just take each day, hour by hour OP. I've found counselling very helpful to vent and let off steam, also putting your feelings on paper daily.

What a selfish cunt. Raging for you!

Time to get organised, be practical. Lawyer, child maintenance, access arrangements. Stone cold organisation and presenting him with legal documents.

Fuck him.

If he's taken the dog he's definitely not going to a hotel.

That's really awful, leaving you at home alone when you have child-free time. You need to find your anger, OP. He's treated you really badly.

@Sothisiit So sorry for you, too. Such a lot of bastards around.

So the reasons things go bad when they started off good ate either no one’s fault or very much one person’s fault. In this case we can all see that it is your H’s fault because of the manner of his leaving. No one has to stay in a marriage that doesn’t make them happy but a father to multiple children still needs to provide for those children whether he is in love with their mother or not.

Call in sick if you can. Call a solicitor and see what your rights are. Tell the children in an age appropriate way that you guys are splitting. If you don’t know where he is be honest about that. If he isn’t making plans to see them be honest and say you don’t know what his plans are. Just keep saying that you will manage and they will be fine with you.

All the sympathy for you, not going to be easy, can't offer a lot of advice as my situation was different, and I only wish my exP had ended things before a child came along.

As for your DP, oh bless him, another man who can't deal with responsibilities and wants a free life, god I am so sick of men like this, don't worry i had one like that too!

You will be better off in the long run, but make sure that he does his bit and that he pays maintenance!!

If he's taken a dog he won't be going to a hotel I think

Sorry op, it's shit I know I wouldn't make it easy for him, just do what you need
Do everything practical make lists etc

I’m so sorry op. He’s not going to a hotel I’m afraid. There’s an OW, I’d bet money on it. Been there, it sucks. Please get angry. Get legal advice and start planning your and your kids future - he doesn’t get away with the responsibility just because he’s irritated/bored with family life and a new shiny fanny has come along…!

Absolutely this. See a solicitor at once. And contact your bank to stop him emptying accounts (if he hasn’t done this already). He cannot legally leave you destitute and he has to support his children.
Sending hugs and best wishes. Don’t delay xxx

Oh OP what an absolute coward he is.

Please see a solicitor as soon as possible. This is a family emergency. Take a couple of days off.

I am SO sorry you are going through this .
if you can , remember that this too , shall pass , meanwhile, be kind to yourself and take it one day at the time . Don’t think about the future , just now , just think about tomorrow and organise the day in your head . It helps me in difficult situations, I hope it helps you too . Xxx

Could you not follow him or track him down to see where he was going he can’t just take one dog away and take it in a hotel.
get onto a good solicitor tomorrow.

get all of your money out any joint accounts

Ducks in a row - solicitor - money etc. Call in a family emergency at work and get bank and solicitor dealt with tomorrow. You may even be able to safeguard some of the money side of things online with the bank this evening.

Tell your DC that Dad has gone - he obviously cares not one jot about them or he would have gently talked to them and helped them to deal with it all. Tell them you do not know why and that you are very sad. That you will never leave them and will always stick by them - this will be in the back of their minds and they need that reassurance right upfront.

I know you will be wanting to protect your newly widowed Mum, but I have been widowed in the last few years and would have wanted to know what was happening - it would feel dreadful to her to be out of this very important loop; and supporting you emotionally might help her with her grief. Losing your life's partner leaves you feeling without a role - she can be your rock.

This is a grim situation - but in the long term and when the dust settles you will be much much better off without him.

You poor poor lady, big hugs, what a horrible bastard, make him leave the dog, he doesn't need to do that, that's just to hurt you a bit more and unfair on the other dog. I would take 2 or 3 days off sick at work, you don't have to go into full detail at this stage until you get your head round things and it's for real.

Do you think he will come back in a couple of days, could you try and follow him or get a friend to follow him, see where he's going too, I hope he hasn't been cheating, but if he is he should at least grow a pair and tell you the truth, instead of this freedom rubbish. Freedom to do what exactly? Go out on his own or with mates every night or lads holidays? Wtaf does he mean by freedom, he's a husband and father he has responsibility. Take care of yourself lovely , you at the most important now xx

Definitely got someone else lined up.

If there’s a friend who’s free tomorrow or next day try to get them to go to a divorce lawyers with you. They’re very good and empathetic and fight your corner (worked for them), preferably a recommendation or just good google reviews.

I’m seething on your behalf at his comment re the house.

Thank you all for your support and kind words/ advice. I just feel numb. Will re-read tomorrow and try to take it all in.
he’s back with the dog, and sitting on the family PC looking at flats to rent 🙄. Think he’s trying to get a reaction. I will never beg anyone to be with me, so if he wants to go then he can.
no joint accounts, moneys always been separate, although he pays the majority of everything as earns a lot more than I do.

Sadly I think this is true - be prepared for horrible revelations Op & get as much evidence of his financial position now if you can.

Good luck Op - you will get through this, as hard as that seems right now.

Maybe the OW has refused to have the dog?