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Original poster

Why is she shaming me? So upset

567 replies

Aarrrgghh · 23/10/2023 18:41

I have a sister and we are very different, I wear my heart on my sleeve and she's a bit more aloof but we are quite close. However she's done something that really upset me and I'm feeling very hurt and angry.

We were away for a few days to visit relatives and were staying in a hotel. On the second morning she seemed grumpy when I got up and I asked her what was wrong, she said nothing but I knew something was up do asked again. She said I wouldn't want to know, I said of course I would, and she went on to tell me I'd been snoring my head off the last two nights and she's had very little sleep.

I got really upset, it's no like I can help it and it felt like a really mean thing to say. I've had a hard time lately and I need support not criticism. I did cry and I raised my voice. She said "I told you you didn't want to know, stop taking it so personally, I'm exhausted but you dont care about that" and then took her bag and left the room. She booked another room for our last night.

It's left me feeling really embarrassed and I feel like she's judging me. We spoke later and she said I'm so loud I need to get medical attention. That just felt like another attack, I got angry and she accused me of going totally OTT.

My ex didn't have a problem sleeping in bed with me.

I'm avoiding her now. I do t like fighting but I think she owes me an apology for spoiling our time away and upsetting me.

Do you think she was trying to be hurtful or is it just her way?

OP posts:
MrsDaniFilth · 23/10/2023 18:43

Oh this is really sad. Try not to be hard on yourself and do something good just for you. Let it blow over xxx

ChocolateCakeOverspill · 23/10/2023 18:45

You pushed her for an answer and she answered truthfully. She’s not shamed you unless there’s something I’m missing. She was knackered and told you it’s because you were snoring, people snore, it’s nothing to be ashamed of.

Why did you raise your voice at her?

neilyoungismyhero · 23/10/2023 18:45

You demanded she tell you what was wrong..she said you wouldn't like it and she was right you didn't. She gave you advice not sure that was attacking you..again you didn't like it. Now you expect her to apologise..you're having a laugh aren't you?

Mynewnameis · 23/10/2023 18:47

She was shattered and you did ask.

Thesearmsofmine · 23/10/2023 18:47

You asked and she answered, maybe a bit grumpily because she was tired. I would just move on.

sprigatito · 23/10/2023 18:47

I think it's quite likely that your snoring kept her awake and she was in no mood to be tactful. She did try not to tell you, but you pushed her into it 🤷🏻‍♀️

If I were you, I would go to the doctor and have a conversation about the snoring. There may be a very treatable cause.

MissingMoominMamma · 23/10/2023 18:47

Sleep deprivation is horrible. It might not be your fault, but it’s not hers either… and you did ask!

Ella31 · 23/10/2023 18:47

I think your reaction to her honesty was over sensitive. Sorry.

Alargeoneplease89 · 23/10/2023 18:48

I'm a snorer and I think you are being over sensitive, you pushed her for an answer she gave you one. To be honest I would of offered her half of her room rate as its unfair she hasn't slept for 2 days.

Pertangyangkipperbang · 23/10/2023 18:48

It's awful when someone in same room snores.. it can be horrible for the non snorer .. no sleep.. gyrating on their mind.. irritable.. yes you can't do nothing about it now you only just know.. had you known you could have got devices and your sister ear plugs.. try and record yourself and if its bad or apnoea see a gp.

Gnomegnomegnome · 23/10/2023 18:49

You are very sensitive. A more normal reaction would have been to say sorry.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 23/10/2023 18:50

I'm so loud I need to get medical attention. That just felt like another attack, I got angry

If it turns out that you've got obstructive sleep apnoea and you're then treated for something that carries an increased risk of premature death if ignored - will you still be accusing her of attacking you?

EnjoyingTheSilence · 23/10/2023 18:50

Well you did ask. You are being completely unreasonable. If you are genuinely upset, go and see a doctor and see if you can get any help.

Sleeping with a snorer is awful, she would have been exhausted and you’ve totally overreacted. You need to apologies to her. Not for the snoring but for having a go at her.

Kangarude · 23/10/2023 18:50

You insisted that she tell you, so I think you are wrong to have been so upset about it. It seems a bit OTT to have cried and shouted at her.

GlobetrottingPercy · 23/10/2023 18:50

One of the worst things for me is lack of sleep and to have to listen to someone else snoring in the same room would tip me over the edge. You kept pushing her to tell you and so she did and then you reacted in the exact same way she told you that you would, which is why she didn’t want to tell you. you are right in that you cannot help your snoring but YABU saying she has ruined your time away and needs to apologise.

MintJulia · 23/10/2023 18:51

You pushed her for an answer, so she answered you truthfully. What did you expect? She had no sleep for two nights, which is bound to make anyone grumpy. She then took the sensible step of booking a separate room.

Just take the knowledge that you snore onboard, and consider why. Do you have sleep apnea? Do you need to consult a doctor?

I'm not sure why you are hurt. Snoring is a fact, not a personal slur.

BarryKentPoet · 23/10/2023 18:51

Does she have a valid point about you shouting at her? I would get upset if someone shouted at me.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 23/10/2023 18:53

but I think she owes me an apology for spoiling our time away and upsetting me.

have you apologised for keeping her awake, shouting at her for an answer you pushed for, and spoiling her time away?

Hercisback · 23/10/2023 18:53

You did ask, she tried not to say but you pushed her into it.

pictoosh · 23/10/2023 18:54

The only response to keeping someone awake all night with snoring is, "I'm sorry."
I have been that snorer.

OneFrenchEgg · 23/10/2023 18:55

Oh god this is another reverse isn't it?

Original poster
Aarrrgghh · 23/10/2023 18:57

I can't help it though and it's not like I can get it fixed there and then. I'm being attacked for something that's not my fault.

It put me on edge for the rest of the trip and made me feel like shit.

OP posts:
HermioneWeasley · 23/10/2023 18:57

YABU and massively over sensitive

Anabella321 · 23/10/2023 18:57

It's not shaming you to tell you the truthful reason why she was in a bad mood. She endured it for 2 nights without saying anything to you until you pressed her, and given your reaction I can see why.

You over reacted. If I'd been in your situation I would have been embarrassed but rather than blaming my sister I would have apologised to her for keeping her up, though obviously it's not something you did intentionally.

HermioneWeasley · 23/10/2023 18:58

Also, you weren’t being attacked - you repeatedly pushed her to tell you.