Why is she shaming me? So upset

[Aarrrgghh]

I have a sister and we are very different, I wear my heart on my sleeve and she's a bit more aloof but we are quite close. However she's done something that really upset me and I'm feeling very hurt and angry.

We were away for a few days to visit relatives and were staying in a hotel. On the second morning she seemed grumpy when I got up and I asked her what was wrong, she said nothing but I knew something was up do asked again. She said I wouldn't want to know, I said of course I would, and she went on to tell me I'd been snoring my head off the last two nights and she's had very little sleep.

I got really upset, it's no like I can help it and it felt like a really mean thing to say. I've had a hard time lately and I need support not criticism. I did cry and I raised my voice. She said "I told you you didn't want to know, stop taking it so personally, I'm exhausted but you dont care about that" and then took her bag and left the room. She booked another room for our last night.

It's left me feeling really embarrassed and I feel like she's judging me. We spoke later and she said I'm so loud I need to get medical attention. That just felt like another attack, I got angry and she accused me of going totally OTT.

My ex didn't have a problem sleeping in bed with me.

I'm avoiding her now. I do t like fighting but I think she owes me an apology for spoiling our time away and upsetting me.

Do you think she was trying to be hurtful or is it just her way?

She’s done nothing wrong! You sound like extremely hard work. I’d suggest gp for both the snoring and some counselling.

You are being unreasonable. You asked her what was wrong and she told you. You should have just said 'sorry', it's not hard to do.
Being 'sensitive' isn't a free pass to not be held accountable for the things you do even if not intentionally.
Snoring makes me feel quite murderous, because I'm such a light sleeper and find it difficult to drift off.
I think you owe your sister an apology. You didn't do it on purpose to piss her off but it's a fact you can't escape from.

^This

I shared a room on a night away with friends. I wasn't the least bit upset when friend told me I snored like a turkey (snoring and then not breathing briefly) - I laughed. We changed it up so the other snorer in our group and I tend to share. She had a sleepless night away once and I did another time.

We've both now lost quite a bit of weight so hopefully the snoring isn't so bad.

I used to feel murderous towards DH when he snored, to the extent we've slept in separate rooms for more than 20 years.

You asked and she told you. She’s your sister I don’t see why you are embarrassed. Snoring is awful for the person it keeps awake, maybe go and buy her some ear plugs or try and sleep on your side next time (it’s always worse when on your back). Lots of people snore, it’s not really embarrassing.

I am the worst snorer. Friends and family, as well as DH, have commented on it.
I am considering seeing a GP too in case it is sleep apnoea.
I understand it is never nice to hear you are a snorer, especially in a society where many still consider it " unlady like". It shouldn't matter, to be honest but it does.
When really, the worst part of it is that a) it might be a medical issue and b) it is bloody awful to not be able to sleep because of a snorer.
You say you are feeling judged, which is why I mention the "unladylike" side of things.
This is not what you should care about.
It is not a failure, it is just snoring.
If you can do something about it, great.
If you can't, it's not your fault, but you will need separate rooms next time you travel with someone else.

As for your sister, she tried to be nice by not mentioning it, but you insisted.
Why should she lie?

It isn’t your fault you snore.

It isn’t your fault you can be emotional.

You can choose not to be hard work.

You asked her! She told you YABU

You've overreacted.

It's totally out of your control but she has a right to be annoyed about it - in that scenario just say 'oh I'm really sorry about that, you must be shattered, I had no idea I was keeping you awake as I'm obviously fast asleep.'

It's not an attack on your personality or something in your control, so don't take it that way.

I agree with the consensus here. Yeah, it’s not your fault you snore, but it’s absolutely horrific trying to sleep next to a snorer for some people. She was mardy because she had been kept awake all night so probably didn’t deliver it in the best way possible, but I’m guessing she was hesitant to tell you because she knows you’re prone to being ott emotionally but couldn’t be arsed with dealing with the repercussions of it. You pushed and she snapped, and predictably you over reacted.

Personally if it was me, I would have been mortified not emotional and defensive, and said sorry and wouldn’t have played victim.

I don’t blame her for booking another hotel room but honestly this should have been you who footed the bill for that. I’d call her to apologise for how you reacted, pay for at least 1/2 the room cost and look into counselling to handle your emotions better.

How on earth has she shamed you? Far out you pushed her for an answer so she answered, I snore it is what it is.

You are being very dramatic

You overreacted.

Who wouldn’t be utterly pissed off at having had no sleep?

You snored. She was tired. That's it. No need to get upset or cry. No harm done to either of you.

You start by accepting that you are not the only person in the universe. Because your posts make you sound like you think you are.

Yes I would be fine with hearing that and I would apologise. I would not feel attacked, I would be thinking of how I could make things better for her. And apologising.

Oh and definitely see a GP as it can be a sign of sleep apnea which needs checking out.

If someone said that to me, I would say "oh no I'm so sorry!!! Shall I get another room for tonight?" I wouldn't cry about it, especially as it's your sister. I think you're making this far more dramatic than it needs to be.

She told you you snore, she didn’t insult you. I feel sorry for your sister, no wonder she’s “aloof”! You need to seriously grow up and stop acting like a toddler whose been told no for the first time.

I don't think she did anything wrong. You did over react. And honestly if someone told me I kept them awake snoring, I would apologise. I suspect she was reluctant to tell you Because she knew you would over react

Shaming you? Attacks? Ridiculous drama. Stop being so pathetic.

How old are you? You sound like a silly, needy teenager with this reaction.

You sound a bit like one of my sisters, OP. She’s really sensitive and will cry over any perceived slight. It means none of the rest of the family can be normal with her for fear of offending her. It’s tiresome.

If I were you, I’d take on board the comments on this thread and try to work on not being so easily upset. And see the GP about the snoring.

Maybe you are quite young, OP? In my 20's I was easily upset by such comments, because I speak loudly, because I snore, etc. Absolutely mortified for days if anyone mentioned my loud voice ( which to be fair only happened a handful of times, but I felt so inadequate and embarrassed).
Now in my forties and I laugh at all this.
It is true that getting older often means you care less, but it is also about confidence.
If you see your sister's comments as an attack, I wonder if it is because you feel inadequate in general?
Sorry if I am projecting/ out of my depth here, but ai do recognise my younger self in your words.

Last two times I shared a room with a friend, they woke me up because of my snoring. I no longer share rooms, lol, but I'm happy with that. That was in my 20s too.

You got off lightly. I can't see why you are so upset tbh. She tried very hard not to tell you, which is kind.

She wasn't attacking you. Why are you so hurt and defensive? It's just a practical matter. She can't sleep through it. Just because someone else can doesn't mean everyone can. Go see a doctor and thank her for letting you know. And apologize!

Stop being such a drama llama.

You pushed for her to tell you even though she didn’t want to and know that she’s done what you asked you’re offended!

Instead of trying to play the victim how about just apologising and saying that you didn’t realise your snoring was so bad and offer to get her some earplugs.

Isn’t that what most people would do?
Not turn it around to make it all about them.

I've heard it, I'm a terrible snorer!

Would you prefer her to have lied?