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Original poster

Why is she shaming me? So upset

567 replies

Aarrrgghh · 23/10/2023 18:41

I have a sister and we are very different, I wear my heart on my sleeve and she's a bit more aloof but we are quite close. However she's done something that really upset me and I'm feeling very hurt and angry.

We were away for a few days to visit relatives and were staying in a hotel. On the second morning she seemed grumpy when I got up and I asked her what was wrong, she said nothing but I knew something was up do asked again. She said I wouldn't want to know, I said of course I would, and she went on to tell me I'd been snoring my head off the last two nights and she's had very little sleep.

I got really upset, it's no like I can help it and it felt like a really mean thing to say. I've had a hard time lately and I need support not criticism. I did cry and I raised my voice. She said "I told you you didn't want to know, stop taking it so personally, I'm exhausted but you dont care about that" and then took her bag and left the room. She booked another room for our last night.

It's left me feeling really embarrassed and I feel like she's judging me. We spoke later and she said I'm so loud I need to get medical attention. That just felt like another attack, I got angry and she accused me of going totally OTT.

My ex didn't have a problem sleeping in bed with me.

I'm avoiding her now. I do t like fighting but I think she owes me an apology for spoiling our time away and upsetting me.

Do you think she was trying to be hurtful or is it just her way?

OP posts:
TheSpikySpinosaurus · 23/10/2023 19:06

Aarrrgghh · 23/10/2023 18:57

I can't help it though and it's not like I can get it fixed there and then. I'm being attacked for something that's not my fault.

It put me on edge for the rest of the trip and made me feel like shit.

Didn't you realise before that you snored? You could eg let your sister go to sleep before you, so your snoring doesn't stop her sleeping.

Why are you being so over-sensitive about this? I bet you haven't even thought about your poor sister and the effect your snoring is having on her.

MyGooseisTotallyLoose · 23/10/2023 19:07

TheSpikySpinosaurus · 23/10/2023 19:04

'you wear your heart on your sleeve' - does that mean you're happy to cry at people, shout at them and get angry? How do you react when other people treat you the same way?

I'd have been bloody annoyed if you snored so loudly that I couldn't sleep.

You were totally unfair to your sister. Get a grip and think honestly about your actions.

I think that's a type of the 'I tells it like it is' person who absolutely kicks off if they get it in return!

SawX · 23/10/2023 19:07

She didn't "attack" you. She put up with no sleep for two nights and only told you the problem when you pushed. You sound like a professional martyr.

SameToo · 23/10/2023 19:07

Your reaction is so over the top. Are you usually this sensitive?

Sleep deprivation is awful. I’d have apologised and offered to get her another room.

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 23/10/2023 19:09

jiinglebells · 23/10/2023 19:00

YABU!

She was grumpy because she was sleep deprived, you pushed and pushed for her to tell you - she did and you didn't like it, cried and got angry - and you think she's the one who spoiled the weekend? 👀

Aye. This ⬆️

CaroleSinger · 23/10/2023 19:09

With respect, have you ever slept in a room with someone who snores really loudly? Rather that crying and shouting and taking it so personally perhaps think of it as constructive criticism and explore the possibility she may actually have a pint. I can tell you honestly, it's a nightmare sleeping in the same room as a heavy snorer. It's exhausting yes. Frustrating as hell too when the snorer is so sensitive you can't even mention it without them blowing up on you and refuses to accept there may actually be an issue with their snoring. Ok you were embarrassed. Life goes on.

BitOutOfPractice · 23/10/2023 19:09

Aarrrgghh · 23/10/2023 18:57

I can't help it though and it's not like I can get it fixed there and then. I'm being attacked for something that's not my fault.

It put me on edge for the rest of the trip and made me feel like shit.

Wow! It’s all about you isn’t it?

did you think your sister could “help it” then? And rather Then apologise you shouted at her twice.

but hey, at least you got 2 good nights’ sleep. Unlike her.

MrsDaniFilth · 23/10/2023 19:10

Wow! Some of these are harsh!

BitOutOfPractice · 23/10/2023 19:11

And i agree with PPs. She didn’t ruin the break. You did. With your histrionics.

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 23/10/2023 19:12
bbc football GIF

Harsh but fair

nobodysdaughternow · 23/10/2023 19:12

What did you want from her op? You snore, it kept her awake and spoiled her break away. When she told you, you got upset and shouted at her.

You should apologise.

Whattodo112222 · 23/10/2023 19:12

Op. Sleep deprivation is utterly awful. Try and see it from her perspective too.
You pushed her for an answer and you now don't like it. I suggest don't ask in future.

Olika · 23/10/2023 19:12

I think you are overreacting

lemonyfox · 23/10/2023 19:12

Sorry but you sound like a bit of a wet wipe

Imtootiredtothinkofausername · 23/10/2023 19:12

"You won't want to know"
You force the issue
"Of course I want to know"
She then tells you, you then kick off and cry proving her exactly right that you wouldn't want to know 🤷

Whether you can help it or not, snoring is so bloody annoying for the person being kept awake. It is like torture when you're exhausted and have someone snoring and keeping you awake.

You say it was "mean" but you pushed her to tell you and it wasn't mean, it was honest.
You then cried and raised your voice?! What a massive overreaction.

Next time, just book separate rooms. Problem solved.

crumblylancs · 23/10/2023 19:13

I think she did well to keep it to herself past the first tonight to be honest.. she tried to spare you by not answering on the second day yet you pushed her to it and then started crying! What did you want her to do when you forced the answer, lie? It's infuriating listening to someone snore yet all you've done is go on about how upset you are and how she ruined it, no mention of your own over the top reaction!

ActDottie · 23/10/2023 19:13

She wasn’t shaming you. You pushed her for an answer and she said what it was that was bothering her. Tbh I couldn’t sleep in a room with a noisy snorer either.

Gazelda · 23/10/2023 19:13

You pushed her to tell you what was making her grumpy. She responded, not unkindly (from what you've said).

You became emotional and she ended up feeling guilty for telling you.
She tried to put distance between you and then you turn that around to say she's spoilt the trip.

I don't know what you expected her to do. Everything she did was turned around to how it impacted you and how you felt and how she owes you an apology.

Going forward, how about you apologise to her?

And see if there are gadgets you can try to minimise your snoring next time you're room sharing.

I snore too. I'm mortally embarrassed about it. I'm trying to lose weight as I know that's a factor and I generally book a separate room if I'm away with friends. I sympathise with you feeling embarrassed about what she said. But honestly, it's not her fault and you've over-reacted.

Sethos · 23/10/2023 19:13

YABVVVU.

HTH.

Strugglingtodomybest · 23/10/2023 19:13

YAB massively U

Sunmoonstars33 · 23/10/2023 19:14

You weren't 'being attacked' you pushed her to tell you!!

Topseyt123 · 23/10/2023 19:15

Aarrrgghh · 23/10/2023 18:57

I can't help it though and it's not like I can get it fixed there and then. I'm being attacked for something that's not my fault.

It put me on edge for the rest of the trip and made me feel like shit.

No, but you can admit it happened, have the grace to be suitably embarrassed and apologetic about it and be understanding about why she needed to get a separate room for the final night of your stay.

Instead, you have been totally unreasonable and blown up at her. You aren't the one who has lost 2 nights of sleep. She is.

Accept what she says. Get it investigated and get help. Say that now that you know about it you realise that separate rooms will be necessary when going away together from now on, for both your sakes and sanity.

Sorry, but you owe her an apology.

Anonymouslyposting · 23/10/2023 19:15

People are so over sensitive these days… she wasn’t “shaming” you and you aren’t being “attacked”. You asked what was wrong and insisted on knowing and she told you.

If I’d been sharing a room with you I’d have been waking you up to try to get you to try different positions to see if it made you quieter. Sounds like she’s been very patient with you and then tried to avoid offending you and you’re now being a nightmare. No wonder she’s got herself a separate room.

HowAmYa · 23/10/2023 19:17

Go to the doctors and sort this out. If you're snoring that heavily it's possible you have sleep apnea.

If I'd been kept awake for 2 nights I'd have fucked off to book my own hotel room too. Sleep deprivation is horrendous.

SadCelticBunny · 23/10/2023 19:17

Why on Earth didn't you apologise and then go to pick up any of the many snoring aids that are available at the chemists?

I would have also bought a treat for my sister and told her how sorry I was.