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Original poster

This is how low men's bar for themselves is

227 replies

boundarypushingbastards · 29/09/2023 13:35

So I am just back from a date. Guy seemed really nice when chatting before date, and I was really hopeful. He just seemed like a nice, regular guy. We are both outdoorsy and he suggested a nature walk. I thought this was a great idea. Off we went. Within 15 mins he was like, lets sit down. I did feel a bit 'hmm' as I thought we were doing a walk but ok. So we sit down and he immediately puts his hand on mine. I don't like this as I don't really know him so I move my hand away. He asks me if I want to see him again. I say ' I don't know I have only just met you.' He says he fancies me, I reply, ' You don't actually know me yet'. He asks for a kiss. I say no. He asks three more times whilst moving in closer for a kiss. I give him a firm no each time and by the fourth time I am really pissed off with this boundary ignoring shit and so I stand up and say, ' I've had enough of this.' and start to walk back to my car. He apologises but says, ' In my defence, I didn't actually do anything.'

This has really, really pissed me off. So in his world, because he hasn't actually assaulted me, he's a decent guy and I should give him another chance? Repeatedly ignoring a woman saying, ' No I don't want to', and continually pushing her to relent and using his greater size to move in on her physically, is ok if you don't actually assault her? That's how low his fucking bar is for himself and all men??

Fuck off! We are in our 50s! His other defence was ' Its been a long time I am out of practice'. What? He forgot women were humans with choice and agency in his shagless years? Fuck off!

Oh, and to make it worse, he has two teenage daughters. Is this how he wants men to treat them too?

I'm quite upset. It was a really horrible experience, being ignored and loomed towards like that. Made me feel really dehumanised and really shit.

OP posts:
Beamur · 29/09/2023 13:37

That's really shit. I'm feeling angry on your behalf!
I hope you tell him in no uncertain terms how very unacceptable his behaviour was and then block him. What a creepy entitled twat.

PennyFarting1 · 29/09/2023 13:41

I'm really sorry, he was disgusting.
As an aside, I don't recommend going for walks with new guys from a safety point of view. People these days don't help when they see a woman arguing with a man so even if it's not rural there's likely no CCTV around in nature and in beauty spots where those walks tend to happen you can go stretches with not seeing many walkers by.
Moreover, Guys who suggest walks as a first date are either tight, incel testing you or creepy. Don't meet strangers for walks, they could drag you behind bushes or whatever.
I find being fathers to daughters not a deterrent, in fact the most misogynistic men I've met had several daughters.

beatrix1234 · 29/09/2023 13:41

Maybe he’s not a jerk, maybe he’s been married all his life and completely socially akward, doesn’t know how women in real life operate. I don’t know which one but s scarier TBH. Congrats on the quick escape.

Dotty87 · 29/09/2023 13:44

beatrix1234 · 29/09/2023 13:41

Maybe he’s not a jerk, maybe he’s been married all his life and completely socially akward, doesn’t know how women in real life operate. I don’t know which one but s scarier TBH. Congrats on the quick escape.

He ignored a very clear no, that isn't "out of practice". Glad you got away from him.

NeunundneunzigHorseBallonz · 29/09/2023 13:45

“In my defense”??? He knows he’s attempted to assault you. I’d seriously report his behaviour to the dating site and possibly the police. (He MIGHT get a stern talking to.)

PennyFarting1 · 29/09/2023 13:45

beatrix1234 · 29/09/2023 13:41

Maybe he’s not a jerk, maybe he’s been married all his life and completely socially akward, doesn’t know how women in real life operate. I don’t know which one but s scarier TBH. Congrats on the quick escape.

Awkward is asking once, telling them no and then sit and be embarrassed about it. Rapey is pestering and getting closer when she said no.

JustKen · 29/09/2023 13:46

Not acceptable. I'm glad you were able to bail.

DidIMissOut · 29/09/2023 13:47

maybe he’s been married all his life and completely socially akward, doesn’t know how women in real life operate

How can a man be married all his life and be akward around women
Shouldn’t he be the one who’s comfortable around women?

Tinybrother · 29/09/2023 13:48

beatrix1234 · 29/09/2023 13:41

Maybe he’s not a jerk, maybe he’s been married all his life and completely socially akward, doesn’t know how women in real life operate. I don’t know which one but s scarier TBH. Congrats on the quick escape.

Are wives not real life women then?

Whattodo112222 · 29/09/2023 13:49

Absolutely unacceptable..
No means no.
No once, twice, three or four times.. its still NO.
His excuses are also poor.
Glad you left the date. Hope you blocked him too.

beatrix1234 · 29/09/2023 13:49

PennyFarting1 · 29/09/2023 13:45

Awkward is asking once, telling them no and then sit and be embarrassed about it. Rapey is pestering and getting closer when she said no.

Show quote history

Very true.

apostrophewoman · 29/09/2023 13:52

I feel your pain! I'm 53 and online dating, and some of the first (only) dates I've had have been excruciating. I usually suggest a dog walk so there's a definite beginning and end, and I can escape pretty quickly by taking the short cuts! I had one like yours, where he was all hands from the get go and actually put his hand up my top and undid my bra strap in a second. He was revolting and it amazes me that they think this is in any way appropriate. He was surprised when I said no to a second date and said 'is that not what men do?'. I said 'not in my world'. I had a first date two weeks ago, which was ok, nothing special, and he texted me the next night at 9pm to see if I fancied travelling 40 miles to his house for a shag. I have a first date tonight. My hopes aren't high from previous experience, but he seems nice and I'm always up for being proved wrong.

beatrix1234 · 29/09/2023 13:52

DidIMissOut · 29/09/2023 13:47

maybe he’s been married all his life and completely socially akward, doesn’t know how women in real life operate

How can a man be married all his life and be akward around women
Shouldn’t he be the one who’s comfortable around women?

I dunno, maybe he’s just clueless on how dating works because he hasn’t done it since 1972? In any case the whole thing sounds scary. I would send him a “your behaviour was unacceptable and yes, you indeed did something wrong” then block.

Original poster
boundarypushingbastards · 29/09/2023 13:54

His excuses are also poor

Its the bollocks, self-justifying excuses that have pissed me off most. If he had said, ' Sorry I was a real wanker. That must have felt really shit and threatening for you. I badly overcrossed a line. It was unacceptable.' I might have thought, ' ok, he fucked up but he gets it.' But the bollocks,. 'I'm out of practice and I never really did anything anyway.'

There's no fucking good men left, are there? I give up.

OP posts:
MintJulia · 29/09/2023 13:54

I'd report him to the web site. He's just one more pushy creep who knew exactly what he was doing.

Maybe avoid going for walks alone with men you've not met before. Keep it very public with plenty of other women around.

'Going for a walk' was a euphemism even when I started dating, and that was decades ago.

Original poster
boundarypushingbastards · 29/09/2023 13:56

Maybe avoid going for walks alone with men you've not met before

Yeah, he clearly set that one up, didn't he? Wanker.

OP posts:
Frodofeeling · 29/09/2023 13:57

Yes, even when I was a teenager "going for a walk" meant going for a fumble, like going up for coffee doesn't mean coffee.

Obviously he's an arse for not taking no for an answer, but don't go on walks for a first date.

VeridicalVagabond · 29/09/2023 13:57

beatrix1234 · 29/09/2023 13:41

Maybe he’s not a jerk, maybe he’s been married all his life and completely socially akward, doesn’t know how women in real life operate. I don’t know which one but s scarier TBH. Congrats on the quick escape.

He's been married all his life, presumably to a real life woman, has two real life female children, why wouldn't he know how real life women operate?

It'd be just as gross if he behaved like this with his wife.

Crikeyalmighty · 29/09/2023 14:00

I think they think a lot of more mature women are that desparate (because they are)

I definitely agree with others saying don't go anywhere that's not in broad daylight with others around till you know them a lot better- including each others houses

TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 29/09/2023 14:02

If you met him online, can you report this sort of behaviour to the platform?

Repeatedly ignoring a no is really alarming stuff.

madeinmanc · 29/09/2023 14:04

I was really shocked when you said you're in your fifties! I would have assumed twenties otherwise.

BethDuttonsTwin · 29/09/2023 14:06

He's not "out of practice" at all. He's porn soaked and thinks all women are "up for it". He's probably had some degree of success tbh. On line dating is the Wild West these days and some women will have responded positively to him and his boundary shoving. He knows he can just go home, log onto on line dating and have another "date" tomorrow or even later that day and they'll hopefully be more accommodating to him. It's all just vile really and I would rather be single forever than deal with such people.

apostrophewoman · 29/09/2023 14:08

Crikeyalmighty · 29/09/2023 14:00

I think they think a lot of more mature women are that desparate (because they are)

I definitely agree with others saying don't go anywhere that's not in broad daylight with others around till you know them a lot better- including each others houses

Absolutely this, they really think they are a gift, even when they're just rude, dirty illiterate yobbos, and we should just give thanks that they've deigned to look at us.

Original poster
boundarypushingbastards · 29/09/2023 14:08

madeinmanc · 29/09/2023 14:04

I was really shocked when you said you're in your fifties! I would have assumed twenties otherwise.

He reminded me of 15 year old! It was that bad!

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 29/09/2023 14:13

There's no fucking good men left, are there? I give up

You're not doing yourself any favours. This was one man, not a cross section of men. Don't let one obnoxious idiot make you give up. Move on, be proud that you don't stoop to seeing people like this a second time, and enjoy your life without bitterness.

There are many good men out there, and many happy relationships. There are very likely lots of men out there who you would be compatible with. Is this jerk worth leaving them behind, for?