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Original poster

Husband fancying someone else

177 replies

TilllyPink · 26/09/2023 10:27

Hi, I’m just wondering on what peoples opinions are on this subject …

Basically my husband has recently admitted to fancying my former friend ( long story ) for 20 years. He’s made all sorts of comments about how attractive he thinks she is, and how she’s a 9/10 ( I’m a 10/10 apparently). He said she’s the only girl he’d want a threesome with which upset me. He said she is the only person he’s looked at in that way the whole time we’ve been together ( together 20, married 15 ). He seems to think it’s perfectly normal for married guys or guys in a relationship to have a crush / soft spot for another girl and I’m just going over the top by being upset. He used to see her a fair amount as we’d all meet for food, drinks etc ( her husband too ), atleast once / twice a month before we fell out, now he doesn’t see her at all so i haven’t got to watch him lusting over her, but I just don’t like the idea that she’s always in his head and a reference to any other woman looks wise. I’ve got a few really attractive friends and have asked him if he thinks they’re more attractive than her, and he just laughs and says they’re not even in her league.
I know people are just going to say leave him, but he’s never acted like this in 20 years and if he never told me, I’d have no idea about what he thought.

OP posts:
BlastedPimples · 26/09/2023 10:28

What a dickhead.

Is he 15 years old?

I couldn't be with someone like this. He sounds like a lecherous creep.

Wonder what her dh would say if he knew your h spoke of his wife like this?

BlastedPimples · 26/09/2023 10:29

He's really disrespectful

Original poster
TilllyPink · 26/09/2023 10:33

I was half tempted to tell him, as he’s still friends with her husband. Have held back on it as he hasn’t mentioned it since it all came out ( he obviously regrets telling me), but I don’t get why he’d even tell me in the 1st place. What did he think he would get out of it? Me invite her back so I can watch him fuck her?

OP posts:
Wonderingforever · 26/09/2023 10:33

Of course its unrealistic to think you are never going to fancy someone else in a long relationship.

But he has been completely disrespectful about. One with his comments and boarder line flirting, and the language he has used to describe her.

He has made it sound like he has spent years with her as his ultimate fantasy.

That to be honest would really hurt me, and considering it's was a close friend in your social circle, it would make me be slightly distrustful off him.

I'm not sure what to suggest because I think if my DH behaved like this it would be a massive blow to our marriage and I'm not sure I would be able to get back to feeling a level of security in it.

JustAMinutePleass · 26/09/2023 10:36

Do you think he might be cheating?

Dolores87 · 26/09/2023 10:36

It is normal for people to find other people attractive or to have a crush etc but it's not normal for him to tell you all about it wtf. This would really hurt me.

Vallmo47 · 26/09/2023 10:38

I’d be really hurt by this.

Blough · 26/09/2023 10:43

He sounds like a knuckle dragger, rating women out of 10, lusting at a woman trying to eat dinner, droning on at you about his lusting. And you egging him on, asking his thoughts on the physical appearance of other women. Can you both get a second job, or more hobbies to fill your brains and time with?

Opentooffers · 26/09/2023 10:43

I think my fanny would close shut after that divulgence. Do you have a physical relationship? Is he stupidly hoping that side will continue in future, or is he not bothered anyway? Come to think of it, it's the sort of thing a person who wanted to avoid sex with their partner in future would say. Any chance he could be wanting to put you off for a reason? Like someone else, maybe?

LuluLouise · 26/09/2023 10:44

Yeah all sounds a bit odd, like he's going through some kind of mid-life crisis or something. Best to pretend you've forgotten about the whole conversation and move on BUT in reality keep a check on his behaviour in general, any changes in routine, changes in way he dresses, etc etc. If he starts mentioning buying a convertible sports car then the alarm bells should start ringing!

BlastedPimples · 26/09/2023 10:45

Is he trying to hurt your feelings?

IsThePopeCatholic · 26/09/2023 10:46

He sounds like an airhead. Why are you with him?

StorminanDcup · 26/09/2023 10:51

WTAF is he totally emotionally stunted? Why on earth would he say these things.

Sure we all find other people attractive and sure we might even have a crushes on partners friends at times if they are super attractive or specifically our “type” but never in a month of Sundays would you go into graphic detail of this and lay it all out on the table for your partner.

Honestly I don’t know how you move forward from here, although he’s not technically done anything wrong, I just don’t know that I could forgive that level of disrespect and lack of emotional maturity.

As a very minimum I would need him to fully recognise and understand why what he’s done / said is completely unacceptable and inappropriate and hurtful and then genuinely apologise and learn from it.

Sounds like your DH is not only emotionally immature but he’s defensive af too. Trying to turn it into you being too sensitive and all that gaslighting bullshit.

No idea OP, I know myself and I would never respect him again if it was my DH. But that’s me. I cannot tolerate inconsiderate pricks

Original poster
TilllyPink · 26/09/2023 11:38

So my friend was very flirty, especially when drunk. She’s slept around a lot in the past ( atleast 100 men ) and has cheated on everyone she’s ever been with, including her current husband. That’s all gone quiet for a while and I thought maybe she’s grown up, but who knows. My husband says she’s had ‘Slag Vibes’, whatever that means. I think it’s disgusting that he would be attracted to someone who acts in that way.

OP posts:
Blough · 26/09/2023 11:56

Ok?
What did you want from the thread?

NeunundneunzigHorseBallonz · 26/09/2023 12:03

Wow… your DH’s “Misogynist Vibes” aren’t exactly endearing him.

Original poster
TilllyPink · 26/09/2023 12:04

Advice. What would you do if this was your husband?

OP posts:
piscofrisco · 26/09/2023 12:06

I angle to say it but my exh said things along those lines about my best friend. Try went on to have an 18 month affair. It's just a weird thing to say to your wife isn't it? Why would he? Like an extreme case of mentionitus. I wouldn't like it at all.

Coldbrewnumber2 · 26/09/2023 12:07

He's a grade A creep and he doesn't respect your feelings. People who rate people out of 10 and talk of 'leagues' are pathetic. You deserve MUCH better than this sleazy git.

piscofrisco · 26/09/2023 12:07

I *hate to say it

Blough · 26/09/2023 12:07

I wouldn’t have got past date number 2 with such a knuckle dragger, so no idea what advice to give someone who would. 🤢

MrsSkylerWhite · 26/09/2023 12:07

TilllyPink · Today 12:04

Advice. What would you do if this was your husband”

Tell him to FO out of my house/life.

Original poster
TilllyPink · 26/09/2023 12:13

As said before though, he’s never been or acted like this before.

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 26/09/2023 12:13

He has now.

Lampzade · 26/09/2023 12:13

He sounds awful tbh
I wonder how he would feel if you ‘admitted’ that you too fancied one of his best mates but were reluctant to tell him, but since he is being honest you should do the same….