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Original poster

Husband fancying someone else

177 replies

TilllyPink · 26/09/2023 10:27

Hi, I’m just wondering on what peoples opinions are on this subject …

Basically my husband has recently admitted to fancying my former friend ( long story ) for 20 years. He’s made all sorts of comments about how attractive he thinks she is, and how she’s a 9/10 ( I’m a 10/10 apparently). He said she’s the only girl he’d want a threesome with which upset me. He said she is the only person he’s looked at in that way the whole time we’ve been together ( together 20, married 15 ). He seems to think it’s perfectly normal for married guys or guys in a relationship to have a crush / soft spot for another girl and I’m just going over the top by being upset. He used to see her a fair amount as we’d all meet for food, drinks etc ( her husband too ), atleast once / twice a month before we fell out, now he doesn’t see her at all so i haven’t got to watch him lusting over her, but I just don’t like the idea that she’s always in his head and a reference to any other woman looks wise. I’ve got a few really attractive friends and have asked him if he thinks they’re more attractive than her, and he just laughs and says they’re not even in her league.
I know people are just going to say leave him, but he’s never acted like this in 20 years and if he never told me, I’d have no idea about what he thought.

OP posts:
Original poster
TilllyPink · 27/09/2023 10:41

I’m not going into why we fell out. But ever since my husband has been in a little strop that he can’t hang around with her / them anymore. Making digs / comments etc. I’ve blocked her from his social media as I don’t want him lusting over holiday bikini photos etc. This made him even more in a strop.

OP posts:
Original poster
TilllyPink · 27/09/2023 10:46

She has a certain look that he’s always told me he’s not attracted too. He’s made comments before about other woman he knows similar saying its not a good look and he’s really not into it etc. She barely talks to him when the 4 of us are together, comes across quite moody. Only talks to him normally ( apparently) when I’m not there. I’m just intrigued what it is that he likes about her

OP posts:
Fallingthroughclouds · 27/09/2023 10:54

TilllyPink · 27/09/2023 10:41

I’m not going into why we fell out. But ever since my husband has been in a little strop that he can’t hang around with her / them anymore. Making digs / comments etc. I’ve blocked her from his social media as I don’t want him lusting over holiday bikini photos etc. This made him even more in a strop.

He wants to hang out with her. He fancies and likes her, actual feelings. Your bitching and blocking has only pushed him further towards her and made her more exciting. You're obsession has fed his. He's over you.

Fallingthroughclouds · 27/09/2023 10:56

TilllyPink · 27/09/2023 10:46

She has a certain look that he’s always told me he’s not attracted too. He’s made comments before about other woman he knows similar saying its not a good look and he’s really not into it etc. She barely talks to him when the 4 of us are together, comes across quite moody. Only talks to him normally ( apparently) when I’m not there. I’m just intrigued what it is that he likes about her

A) He's lying, B) She thinks he is a dick.

We don't need to know why the friendship ended. It's clear as the nose on your face. You were jealous, insecure and panicked. She actually sounds like she's been pretty loyal. No mention of her flirting with him at all.

VenusInPrimark · 27/09/2023 11:03

@TilllyPink what sort of look?

Hiddenvoice · 27/09/2023 11:14

It’s a shame you and her fell out and that’s between you.
She can’t control how your husband feels about her. It’s good you’ve blocked in his settings but I’m sorry to say he can always unblock and have a nosey- if her profile is public.
The problem is him, she can do whatever she pleases and it seems like she’s not really doing anything to try extra hard to get his attention. He is the one who is married to you but lusting after her. His behaviour is disgusting if I’m honest and it seems like he cares more about fancying her than his wife’s feelings.

She’s out of your life but he is the problem. He is the one who has made you upset by his comments. You can put blame on her but it’s all down to him. If he was my husband then I’d be tempted to end it as it feels like he’s comparing you two and wants her more. He has a wandering eye and doesn’t care to hide it.

I think you need to stop thinking about the ex friend and focus on your husband thinking it’s okay to say all of this to you. Doesn’t matter how she looks or how she acts. Doesn’t matter what she posts. She’s an adult and free to do as she pleases and she’s clearly not doing anything to try get his attention. He,
however, drools over her, wants to spend time with her and is moaning because the fall out doesn’t suit him.

You need to be firm with him and tell him exactly how this has made you feel. Overall he is the problem- not your old friend.

Original poster
TilllyPink · 27/09/2023 11:47

She’s had loads of work done to her face. Botox, filler, her lips done, her jaw, her cheeks, eyebrows, pretty much everything you can have done. He’s always said he’s not a fan of the fake look, and that’s why he likes me cuz I look more natural ( apparently ).

OP posts:
pikkumyy77 · 27/09/2023 12:24

Well you should no longer believe him.

Aikko · 27/09/2023 12:46

He doesn't want a relationship with her, but she's attractive enough for him to want to shag her.

In other words, you are the safe option.

Original poster
TilllyPink · 27/09/2023 12:47

She flirted with him behind my back, which is what I said in a previous comment, but not infront of me. He would have no reason to make it up, Infact it’s rather stupid of him to tell me, cuz eventually it would just lead to me stopping him seeing her. I have called her out before and she just said that I know she gets flirty when she’s had a drink. So no denying it.

OP posts:
Original poster
TilllyPink · 27/09/2023 12:50

You are right, I am the safe option. If we broke up he’d lose half the house, the dog, half his business. He’d have to take on her kid. Of course it’s easy for him to keep things as they currently are. The question is do I want to keep him.

OP posts:
Fallingthroughclouds · 27/09/2023 13:03

TilllyPink · 27/09/2023 12:47

She flirted with him behind my back, which is what I said in a previous comment, but not infront of me. He would have no reason to make it up, Infact it’s rather stupid of him to tell me, cuz eventually it would just lead to me stopping him seeing her. I have called her out before and she just said that I know she gets flirty when she’s had a drink. So no denying it.

Easily denyable since he is obviously such an egotistical liar. No one else seems to have noticed.

Fallingthroughclouds · 27/09/2023 13:04

TilllyPink · 27/09/2023 12:50

You are right, I am the safe option. If we broke up he’d lose half the house, the dog, half his business. He’d have to take on her kid. Of course it’s easy for him to keep things as they currently are. The question is do I want to keep him.

😬 Not sure anyone is 100% sure that he want to keep you. Almost like he has his shovel out and is digging a path through the snow.

TheCatterall · 27/09/2023 13:06

If my partner - the person I trusted to have my back, respect me etc behaved like this we’d be at counselling or he’d be gone.

Sounds like he’s testing the water for an affair, and his comments would give me the ick.

Sounds like she was ‘protesting’ a little too much about not her type, not right for you etc.. often when I hear if this behaviour it’s because there’s been drunken fumbles or an all out affair.

my respect and trust would be gone with him. Sulking because she’s not around? Nahhh.

OhComeOnFFS · 27/09/2023 13:08

You've put up with this man for 20 years? In all that time he hasn't matured, has he?

Can you really bear to put up with him for any longer?

rainbowstardrops · 27/09/2023 13:16

It all sounds very childish.

Deathbyfluffy · 27/09/2023 13:24

Blough · 26/09/2023 12:07

I wouldn’t have got past date number 2 with such a knuckle dragger, so no idea what advice to give someone who would. 🤢

0/10 on reading the thread - the OP even says in her opening post he's never behaved this way before!

obje · 27/09/2023 13:25

TilllyPink · 26/09/2023 12:13

As said before though, he’s never been or acted like this before.

If he'd never cheated before would it be ok for him to start?

If he'd never hit you before does that make it ok if he starts?

Original poster
TilllyPink · 27/09/2023 13:29

I don’t think he’d even have time for an affair tbh. If he’s not working he’s either at the gym or playing football. There’s been times when they have been alone when drinking. I’m thinking at most there’s been a bit of flirty chat, him taking it for more than what it was, setting his imagination off.

OP posts:
Fallingthroughclouds · 27/09/2023 13:46

I think you need to open your eyes. He likes and fancies this woman. She excites him, he has basically been going on dates with her.
Where exactly do you think this is going to lead?

MrsSkylerWhite · 27/09/2023 14:52

TilllyPink · Today 13:29
**
I don’t think he’d even have time for an affair tbh. If he’s not working he’s either at the gym or playing football.”

Sorry, but you know this is always the case how? Can’t believe you’re still on here, undecided. My first, I think, LTB.

lap90 · 27/09/2023 16:55

TilllyPink · 27/09/2023 13:29

I don’t think he’d even have time for an affair tbh. If he’s not working he’s either at the gym or playing football. There’s been times when they have been alone when drinking. I’m thinking at most there’s been a bit of flirty chat, him taking it for more than what it was, setting his imagination off.

The gym is a popular place for a shag tbf.

Mrsttcno1 · 27/09/2023 19:03

lap90 · 27/09/2023 16:55

The gym is a popular place for a shag tbf.

Show quote history

I was just about to say that 🤣 We got an email through from our gym awhile back to say the sauna was closed for a week for cleaning as “some of our members have been having sexual intercourse in there, please do not do this” 🤣🤣

Also every possibility he could pick her up for a quick shag in the car. The reality is you can’t stop him doing anything, you might have blocked her from his social media, but he can unblock her. You might think he’s at the gym, when he’s actually in the back of the car with her, or any other woman. You can’t control him, and you definitely can’t control who he lusts after or fantasises over. So the question is do you want to be with someone who openly wants to shag your friend, who possibly already has?

Although from your posts on here I’m inclined to say you are no catch yourself so probably deserve each other

FOTTFSOFTFOASM · 27/09/2023 19:15

TilllyPink · 27/09/2023 11:47

She’s had loads of work done to her face. Botox, filler, her lips done, her jaw, her cheeks, eyebrows, pretty much everything you can have done. He’s always said he’s not a fan of the fake look, and that’s why he likes me cuz I look more natural ( apparently ).

You just can't help yourself, can you?

angieloumc · 27/09/2023 19:49

You're not a very nice person and nor is he, you deserve each other