DP doesn't want to get married or have children

[BearsBeatsBattlestarGalactica]

So, will try and condense this so it isn't a short story. Me and DP met 2 years ago and ever since then everything has been blissful happiness.

After about 6 months of been together, we discussed marriage and children out of curiosity and agreed we wanted both things. After 1 year, he randomly asked what kind of shape ring I would like if/when he proposed. We've spoken about children's names and he mentioned if we ever had a girl he would like to name it after his grandmother. I'm only mentioning all of this to give context and show that we were on the same page.

Fast forward to last weekend, we hosted a BBQ and had friends and family round - all of whom have young children/babies. Naturally, the topic of children came up and DP was asked when were we having children. He replied 'no I don't want children I'm happy with the way my life is and children will disrupt that'. I questioned it the day after and his response was 'I said that because we have not used contraception for 6 months and nothing has happened so I think I am infertile, it's easier to persuade myself that I don't want them instead of disappointing you incase I can't have them'. I let it go and that was that. I do partly believe that because I've had a couple of false positives (evap lines etc) and he was ecstatic and then heartbroken whenever period came.

Then tonight - we went out for a date night and ended up in the pub drinking too much wine. A couple came in and the woman told us she had just got engaged. I turned to DP and said oh I can't wait for it to be our turn and he replied 'I don't think I ever want to get married after I've seen what my friends have been through'. For context, one of his friends was kicked out of his marital home when his wife left him for another man and he was left with nothing.

So, AIBU for feeling disappointed that his feelings seemed to have changed and he didn't discuss with me? Does it sound like his feelings towards me have changed? We have the most amazing relationship - love his family, we go on holiday a lot and love travelling, share similar hobbies and have a really good routine living together but none of that is enough if it isn't leading to marriage and children.

I'm with @CheekyHobson and @sodthesodoff

He has simultaneously done you the dirty and done you a massive favour.
Some women waste s decade plus on guys like this. You are done and out in under 2 years so well done for that.

You know what you want, you've bottomed it out and left. As a single woman you are now closer to finding the future you want with a man who wants the same thing Vs being stuck wasting your time with a guy who can't/won't give you what you want.

Be kind to yourself and stop contact. If he suddenly does a U-turn and proposes I wouldn't entertain it if he meant it he'd have done it immediately not after gaslighting you and dismissing your feelings. Guaranteed he'll want some decade long engagement and it will be some lame stalling tactic.

He position and yours are now clear. Cut all ties and move on.

Hey, not sure if anyone is still watching this thread but just wanted to thank each and every one of you for telling me to walk away, because I did just that and I’m not looking back. The last week has been truly gut wrenching but every time I have a little wobble I come back on here to read some of the messages. The power of Mumsnet never ceases to amaze me x

Well done! Stay strong! 👏

Good to see this OP. Are you able to move back jnto your house seeing you've got tenants in there?

Eventually yeah, it’s a slow process but I’ll get back in there. Staying with my parents for now and getting well looked after. I was shocked to find out that my parents were relieved I’d left him, so I guess that tells me all I needed to know.

Well done for leaving, op. From what you've said, you've definitely done the right thing

Good for you, stay strong.

Good to hear from you OP, take care

Oh well done OP!

Your parents could see what you couldn't.

So glad you have support there.

Hope you'll be able to get your house back asap and put him behind you.

Oh wow, Op, if your parents feel that way then you've definitely made the right decision. Stay strong.

Massive well done OP. Brave and decisive.

Good decision op

Must have taken a lot of strength to walk away. Good for you for knowing what you want and that you’re worth more than he wanted to offer.

Well bloody done

I don't think for one minute that was easy. But I'm really glad this thread has helped

Your parents sound great. Glad they have your back. And yes, sounds like they had an idea of what was going on too.

Take care

Well done op. A difficult decision to move on, I'm sure. I wish you all the best.

Out of interest, what are/were your parents concerns?

Very sorry he treated you like that. It’s good that you didn’t become pregnant.

zero contact with your ex will help you recover quicker and to focus on your future.

Very telling your parents were relieved...

Stay strong OP 💪
Lots of self care and don't look back

Thanks! His drinking mainly, it was quite out of control and I’m fairly certain now that he was dependent on it. It was difficult for me to see that though whilst in the thick of it and very much in love.

In fact, now the rose tinted glasses have been removed - the relationship wasn’t that great at all. I think I had a lucky escape and I’m very grateful that things played out the way they did.