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Original poster

I am going to ask this guy if he's actually sexually attracted to me. Does this sound ok?

376 replies

CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 07:47

I've been having sex with this guy for a year now. We've been friends with benefits but I don't know if he's actually sexually attracted to my body type. I see where he follows models on social media. This is why I'd like to ask him if he is sexually attracted to women with my body type. Or if he is only attracted to models and skinny women.

Even if we are only friends with benefits I still think it's important that both people are sexually attracted to each other because it's physical and we see each other naked. And I don't see anything wrong with a woman wanting to know that I man who sees her naked is sexually attracted to her.

I am going to say this to him...

I'd like to talk to you about something but I don't want you to think I'm trying to start drama or that I'm trying to argue. I want clarity about something. (Are you sexually attracted to women who have my type of body? Or are you only attracted to models and skinny women).
^^
Then I'll tell him why I'm asking because I am sexually attracted to him and I enjoy having sex with him. And I want the feelings to be mutual.

OP posts:
Oblomov23 · 15/09/2023 08:35

I don't understand why you're asking him this, what are you hoping to achieve? Seems pointless.

MinnieTruck · 15/09/2023 08:36

CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 07:59

So me asking him if he's actually attracted to me is a problem? I think FWB are supposed to be sexually attracted to each other. Any woman in her right mind would want a man to like her physically if he sees her naked it's common sense.

Edited

You’ve been having sex for 1 year though. Why is it that only now you want to ask if he’s sexually attracted to you? Surely you’d bring that up as soon as possible if you truly want to know.

I’m sure that if someone is having sex with you for such a long time then there obviously has to be some sort of sexual attraction no? Who cares who he follows on social media, that’s not real life

Faultymain5 · 15/09/2023 08:36

@SherbetLemonn dont forget he’s also told her he does find her sexually attractive. she’s just convinced he’s lying. This arrangement is not for her and I hope she comes to that realisation soon, but like a Dragon, “Im out”.

AliOlis · 15/09/2023 08:36

CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 08:35

Why is he only having sex with me because he's too insecure to approach the women he's actually attracted to?

This is not for you to worry about, op! You're not in a relationship.
So weird.

SocialistSally · 15/09/2023 08:36

My DP fancies Kylie, and I look nothing like her 😂. But I know he finds me attractive. He doesn’t look much like Tom Hardy either, but I fancy the pants off him

AuntieEsther · 15/09/2023 08:37

CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 08:35

Why is he only having sex with me because he's too insecure to approach the women he's actually attracted to?

Either this is true, and the answer is so what? Stop having sex with him if it's not working for you. Or it's not true, and the answer is also so what? Stop having sex with him if it's not working for you.
there is never an answer which suggests you should ask him this question. It's embarrassing for you.

Original poster
CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 08:38

Do you understand what I'm saying? I said he's settling for me in regards to sex because he's too insecure to approach the models and skinny chicks he actually wants. He's following a "bedroom" coach. Which means he is insecure about his performance in bed. So basically he has sex with me because he knows I'll put up with his insecurities. And because I'll listen to him complain about how women lie about having an orgasm.

OP posts:
Oblomov23 · 15/09/2023 08:39

This thread is not good to read, I found it sad that a young woman even needs to ask. Please work on your self esteem. The fact you can't see that this is all so wrong shows your lack of red flag awareness, your lack of being emotionally astute.

amylou8 · 15/09/2023 08:39

He's having sex with you and presumably enjoying it, so clearly doesn't find you that repulsive. You're FWB not planning to get married, so what does it matter really???

Artesia · 15/09/2023 08:40

CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 08:35

Why is he only having sex with me because he's too insecure to approach the women he's actually attracted to?

Oh for heaven's sake. He's allowed to follow Margot Robbie, the entire Lioness squad, Katie Price, Lottie Moss or whoever the hell else tickles his fancy. He's allowed to fantasise about them. It's literally no reflection on you. It's not settling, it's living in the real world.

I have a fabulous, often filthy, fantasy life with a particularly attractive French rugby player. DH just laughs and says "ahh look, there's your boyfriend" when he's on tv. Because IT'S NOT REAL.

izzygirlis4 · 15/09/2023 08:40

I don't think you are in the right place for a fwb if this is how you feel.

Of course he finds you attractive, he's been having sex with you for over 12 months. It's pretty hard for guys to hide that attraction over a sustained period of time.

And who cares who he follows on social media. I perv over all sorts of guys but it doesn't mean I wouldn't sleep with someone else and not find them attractive

Think about how his answer will effect you. If he says no I don't find you attractive then you'll be gutted.
If he says yes of course I don't think you will believe him.
Are either of these options good ones ?

Original poster
CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 08:40

Work on my self-esteem? Because I want to know that the man who sees me naked is actually attracted to me? Why aren't you saying he should work on his self-esteem?

OP posts:
AliOlis · 15/09/2023 08:40

CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 08:38

Do you understand what I'm saying? I said he's settling for me in regards to sex because he's too insecure to approach the models and skinny chicks he actually wants. He's following a "bedroom" coach. Which means he is insecure about his performance in bed. So basically he has sex with me because he knows I'll put up with his insecurities. And because I'll listen to him complain about how women lie about having an orgasm.

Edited

So... don't? All this angst, for no reason at all.

Ithh · 15/09/2023 08:41

He probably prefers slim women to be honest but regular sex is hard to come by when you are a man who doesn’t want a full relationship. Saying that, most pictures on Insta etc are of slim model type women.

sodthesodoff · 15/09/2023 08:41

I wish there was a report button to get help for the op

Kindly, you need to see a counsellor and seek help.

Your posts are shocking to read.

But end this. You're in no space to be in a fwb.

Besides with each post you show such hate towards him. Why aren't you asking why you're having sex with someone you clearly don't even like?

Original poster
CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 08:42

Men will have sex with anything and I think most people know this. Especially when they are insecure like he is. Of course, he'll have sex with me because he knows I'll put up with his insecurity.

OP posts:
Emdubz · 15/09/2023 08:42

If he tells you he’s attracted to you, will you believe him and that will be the end of the matter?

AllOfThemWitches · 15/09/2023 08:42

Sack him off then! I can't speak for everyone but I've been sexually attracted to guys who aren't my 'type.' Even chunky ones. It's not all about looks.

Iwouldlikesomecake · 15/09/2023 08:42

I don’t think you’re unhinged etc, but if he is clearly turned on by you etc, it doesn’t matter if he is also turned on by women with a different body type. Unless you think he’s the sort of guy who will shag anyone with a vagina indiscriminately- in which case he’s probably not very nice.

AuntieEsther · 15/09/2023 08:42

Yes dear we do understand what you're saying but we are saying why??? Why are you angsting so much over this guy who is clearly not for you. Just let it go! He sounds like a loser to be honest, why do you care?

Gurthnamuckla · 15/09/2023 08:43

CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 08:42

Men will have sex with anything and I think most people know this. Especially when they are insecure like he is. Of course, he'll have sex with me because he knows I'll put up with his insecurity.

What about your raging insecurity?

AliOlis · 15/09/2023 08:43

CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 08:42

Men will have sex with anything and I think most people know this. Especially when they are insecure like he is. Of course, he'll have sex with me because he knows I'll put up with his insecurity.

?? You talk like you have no autonomy whatsoever, op. It's quite concerning?

AuntieEsther · 15/09/2023 08:43

You're upset with yourself for letting him use you. That's why we are saying work ok your self esteem. Stop letting loser men use you.

erikbloodaxe · 15/09/2023 08:46

You do know that women do lie about having orgasms right? ALL THE TIME. You don't seem emotionally mature enough to be having any kind of connection, sexual or otherwise, with another person.

He's allowed to feel insecure and it took a lot for him to share that with you. Sexual performance is strongly linked to sense of self.

Put your knickers back on on work on yourself!

TruthThatsHardAsSteel · 15/09/2023 08:48

This is... Confusing and concerning. It's like you've written this narrative in your head and won't see outside it. The overwhelming opinion on the thread doesn't mean anything to you at all. You're not willing to listen, you just seem to want to argue with people and repeatedly drill the same point over and over. I don't think you will get any insight from this thread or having this conversation with him.

If you're not happy with his insecurities, move right along.

I can't imagine this conversation being on any way productive, and it comes across as - sorry - quite neurotic.

I wish you peace with yourself and inner happiness.

I'm genuinely trying to be kind. I don't mean to be mean.

Good luck