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Original poster

I am going to ask this guy if he's actually sexually attracted to me. Does this sound ok?

376 replies

CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 07:47

I've been having sex with this guy for a year now. We've been friends with benefits but I don't know if he's actually sexually attracted to my body type. I see where he follows models on social media. This is why I'd like to ask him if he is sexually attracted to women with my body type. Or if he is only attracted to models and skinny women.

Even if we are only friends with benefits I still think it's important that both people are sexually attracted to each other because it's physical and we see each other naked. And I don't see anything wrong with a woman wanting to know that I man who sees her naked is sexually attracted to her.

I am going to say this to him...

I'd like to talk to you about something but I don't want you to think I'm trying to start drama or that I'm trying to argue. I want clarity about something. (Are you sexually attracted to women who have my type of body? Or are you only attracted to models and skinny women).
^^
Then I'll tell him why I'm asking because I am sexually attracted to him and I enjoy having sex with him. And I want the feelings to be mutual.

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 15/09/2023 07:49

Seems pointless and unnecessary drama.

Sparkletastic · 15/09/2023 07:49

Is he having enthusiastically consensual sex with you? If yes then there's your answer.

Mauricemossy · 15/09/2023 07:50

Can you really not tell?

imsureineverdo · 15/09/2023 07:51

I thought friends with benefits meant it was light hearted?

SloppyJays · 15/09/2023 07:51

Don’t ask questions you may not really want to hear the answer to.

Justcallmebebes · 15/09/2023 07:51

Well if you've been having regular sex for a year, I would have thought he'd say yes, he is sexually attracted to you.

Whether he wants to be more than fuck buddies, we'll that's another question

Saturdaygirl01 · 15/09/2023 07:51

Don’t see the point when you are actually having regular sex with him which he presumably enjoys or he wouldn’t be doing it?

Loopytiles · 15/09/2023 07:52

Presumably he wouldn’t be having sex with you if he wasn’t sexually attracted. If him following women on social media, and/or that they look different from you bothers you, that’s for you to weigh up privately in deciding whether you want to continue the fwb arrangement.

PaminaMozart · 15/09/2023 07:52

SloppyJays · 15/09/2023 07:51

Don’t ask questions you may not really want to hear the answer to.

This

Janieforever · 15/09/2023 07:52

Isn’t what you’re asking is your body type his preference. Do you really wish to know the answer?

and how do you not know if he’s sexually attracted. Does he only do it in the dark or from behind or something?

booksandbeans · 15/09/2023 07:53

Be careful what you ask for - what are you hoping to gain from this? Anything specific to you or is it just curiosity? If the later I would go for a less direct approach.

Gurthnamuckla · 15/09/2023 07:54

What, you think you’ve been a year-long pity fuck or an ‘Oh, well, she’s there and available’ thing? Why wouldn’t you see him having sex with you regularly for a year as evidence he fancies you?

I think that’s a strange question. I would see it as an indicator the FWB situation wasn’t suiting you and probably end things.

MyEyesMyThighs · 15/09/2023 07:55

Please don't do this, there's no good can possibly come from it. Imagine you made a comment that Harry Styles was attractive and then got a fishing for compliments msg from him asking if you really found him attractive as he doesn't look like Harry Styles...

You'd think "I'm having sex with you, aren't I? So obviously I found you attractive. However this weird needy behaviour stalking my social media makes you less attractive."

InBedByTen · 15/09/2023 07:55

Christ, don’t do this. If he’s having sex with you, he’s sexually attracted to you. Emailing him about him following models and “skinny women” makes you sound jealous and a bit controlling and I’m afraid all the “I’m not trying to start a drama” makes it sounds like you are trying to start a drama.

If you’re genuinely happy with the FWB situation, great. This all sounds to me as if you want something more, in which case say that and not this nonsense about him following women who are thinner than you.

Xrays · 15/09/2023 07:55

Sparkletastic · 15/09/2023 07:49

Is he having enthusiastically consensual sex with you? If yes then there's your answer.

Yep.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 15/09/2023 07:57

Do NOT ask him this!

StopStartStop · 15/09/2023 07:57

No, you probably shouldn't do that.
What's he going to say? He's attracted to skinny women but he can't get one so he fucks you instead. You're his wank sock. I hope he wouldn't say that, but why give him the opportunity?

Are you asking because you already have suspicions he's only with you for the convenience of it? If he's just a fuckbuddy, does it matter as long as you're enjoying yourself? Or are you really asking him for more?

Fullspectrum · 15/09/2023 07:57

This reply has been deleted

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Fullspectrum · 15/09/2023 07:58

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Original poster
CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 07:59

So me asking him if he's actually attracted to me is a problem? I think FWB are supposed to be sexually attracted to each other. Any woman in her right mind would want a man to like her physically if he sees her naked it's common sense.

OP posts:
yellowsmileyface · 15/09/2023 08:00

Or are you only attracted to models and skinny women

This part sounds really confrontational and antagonistic. Sounds like you're criticising him and calling him shallow.

As others have said, if he's sleeping with you he's obviously sexually attracted to you. Your message comes across very jealous and insecure which is quite heavy for FWB.

It sounds like maybe you want more from this than just sex but don't want to admit it in case you're rejected. So you're looking for ways to get reassurance that it's you he wants and not just sex.

Desecratedcoconut · 15/09/2023 08:00

I can't believe you spent a year having sex with someone and wondering if they even found you attractive? I mean, that's the type of thing that is established before you shag someone the first time, right? Call me a romantic, I know.

Faultymain5 · 15/09/2023 08:00

What I hear from this exchange is. “I want more than FWB”. What do you think he’s going to hear?

WhamBamThankU · 15/09/2023 08:01

If he has an erect penis when you're having sex then yes, he finds you attractive.

Cowlover89 · 15/09/2023 08:02

Don't ask him