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Original poster

I am going to ask this guy if he's actually sexually attracted to me. Does this sound ok?

376 replies

CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 07:47

I've been having sex with this guy for a year now. We've been friends with benefits but I don't know if he's actually sexually attracted to my body type. I see where he follows models on social media. This is why I'd like to ask him if he is sexually attracted to women with my body type. Or if he is only attracted to models and skinny women.

Even if we are only friends with benefits I still think it's important that both people are sexually attracted to each other because it's physical and we see each other naked. And I don't see anything wrong with a woman wanting to know that I man who sees her naked is sexually attracted to her.

I am going to say this to him...

I'd like to talk to you about something but I don't want you to think I'm trying to start drama or that I'm trying to argue. I want clarity about something. (Are you sexually attracted to women who have my type of body? Or are you only attracted to models and skinny women).
^^
Then I'll tell him why I'm asking because I am sexually attracted to him and I enjoy having sex with him. And I want the feelings to be mutual.

OP posts:
SunnySideDownBriefly · 15/09/2023 08:10

You sound angry about something? Are you upset that he follows these women? If so, you might need to think the FWB situation as you shouldn't be feeling jealousy which is making you insecure.

Also, if he gets a hard on and you've been having sex for a year then I'd say he's sexually/physically attracted to you.

AliOlis · 15/09/2023 08:11

Weirder and weirder. You're not paying him, are you?! That's the only way this would make any sort of sense 😵‍💫

Faultymain5 · 15/09/2023 08:11

Poontangle · 15/09/2023 08:09

You should stop having sex with this bloke. Your self esteem is nowhere near healthy enough.

This right here!

Beelips · 15/09/2023 08:11

Sorry that you are having some insecure feelings, that sucks. I’d say he’s attracted to you as he’s been having sex with you for a year?

As a side note and not what you asked, but I’d say if you have to start any conversation in any type of relationship with “I'd like to talk to you about something but I don't want you to think I'm trying to start drama or that I'm trying to argue”, that itself may imply a problematic dynamic…

Catsafterme · 15/09/2023 08:11

I don't think I could have sex with a woman unless I found them attractive...would you have sex with a man you didn't find attractive?

Fullspectrum · 15/09/2023 08:11

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 08:13

This has nothing to do with him not being in a relationship that's not the point. The point is I'm not his type and It's creepy because he told me he's attracted to me. Yet he follows models and skinny women on social media. What he follows and looks at is what he really wants it's not that hard to understand. But he can just be honest and say this instead of pretending to be attracted to me. He knew what I looked like before he even met me in person. Which again is insane because I don't understand why he'd like me to begin with when I'm not even his type.

OP posts:
mushroomushroom · 15/09/2023 08:14

This is super sad, and is another reason why I would never date a man who watches porn or follows these kinds of accounts. Look at where it has gotten you, questioning how your feel about your body, wondering if you're good enough for a man who will have sex with you but won't commit. It's also rank that he likes them publicly, he has no shame. Urgh.

Absolutely don't ask him that, if not for the reasons of not wanting to degrade yourself, it will absolutely put him off, especially considering you're only FWB. Only ask if you're actively looking for pain and hurt. What you want (him telling you he absolutely thinks you're gorgeous, he loves you, he wants marriage and babies and a house and to live happily ever after) will absolutely not happen, I guarantee it.

AliOlis · 15/09/2023 08:14

CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 08:13

This has nothing to do with him not being in a relationship that's not the point. The point is I'm not his type and It's creepy because he told me he's attracted to me. Yet he follows models and skinny women on social media. What he follows and looks at is what he really wants it's not that hard to understand. But he can just be honest and say this instead of pretending to be attracted to me. He knew what I looked like before he even met me in person. Which again is insane because I don't understand why he'd like me to begin with when I'm not even his type.

Edited

You're fuck buddies, op. He doesn't have to like you.

Beinpeace · 15/09/2023 08:15

Friends with benefits lmao ...the sex is a benefit! He basically has a booty call on speed dial that he doesn't have to pay for, and you think he GAF about attraction?! If you're not repulsive to look at, and he doesn't stop breathing under you, or struggles to find what he's looking for, he's not gonna give a shit about attraction. This whole scenario is messed up.

Fullspectrum · 15/09/2023 08:15

This reply has been deleted

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Fullspectrum · 15/09/2023 08:15

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WandaWonder · 15/09/2023 08:15

CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 08:13

This has nothing to do with him not being in a relationship that's not the point. The point is I'm not his type and It's creepy because he told me he's attracted to me. Yet he follows models and skinny women on social media. What he follows and looks at is what he really wants it's not that hard to understand. But he can just be honest and say this instead of pretending to be attracted to me. He knew what I looked like before he even met me in person. Which again is insane because I don't understand why he'd like me to begin with when I'm not even his type.

Edited

So you are sleeping with someone you think is creepy? Are you that desperate for sex?

TeeBee · 15/09/2023 08:15

But someone's sexual attractiveness is so so much more than their body type isn't it? It's their character, their personality, their sense of humour, their intelligence, their view of the world, their opinions, how they express themselves, how they deal with people, how they dedicate themselves to pleasure in the bedroom, etc. debasing it down to 'are you only attracted to one body type' is very very one-dimensional. If he's having good sex with you, surely he finds you sexually attractive. Why are you limiting your own sexual attractiveness to the way your body looks? Bit reductive to my mind. If you want to find out more about how he thinks, why not ask him what features he finds attractive in a person? You may find that he has a fuller perception of attractiveness than just body type?

yellowsmileyface · 15/09/2023 08:16

Poontangle · 15/09/2023 08:09

You should stop having sex with this bloke. Your self esteem is nowhere near healthy enough.

This.

It becomes more evident with each update.

Beinpeace · 15/09/2023 08:17

What in the woke hell feminist shit is this?! OP IS NOT A VICTIM OF MISOGYNY HERE!

OrlandointheWilderness · 15/09/2023 08:17

How do you know you aren't his type!?! People don't necessarily just like one specific type of person! This isn't a question really - if he is having regular, good, no strings sex with you he finds you sexually attractive. Stop stalking his social media.

Velvian · 15/09/2023 08:17

He's not pretending to be attracted to you @CandyLollipopw , he's been having sex with you for a year.

If you're FWB, it is not right for you to be angry with him following models on SM. Presumably you're both open to see other people, so it's madness to get into an argument about this.

What is aesthetically pleasing in a photo, is not necessarily the same as what gets you going sexually.

Original poster
CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 08:18

It'll put him off because we are only FWB? Who cares? FWB see each other naked. If it puts him off then that means he was in fact lying the entire time about being attracted to me. Who cares about it putting him off? He shouldn't be lying about being attracted to me to begin with. No, I don't want him to tell me he loves me. I just don't want him acting as if he's into me physically when he's not it's just that simple.

It put me off when he asked me if I had an orgasm and wanted to know if I was lying about it. Because he thinks women lie about having an orgasm. It puts me off when he talks about being insecure. So what?

OP posts:
Oneisthree · 15/09/2023 08:18

You are clearly in a headspace where you won’t believe his answer anyway. If he says he is attracted to you will think he’s lying ( you already call him a liar about this).

The only answer you will believe is ‘I’m not attracted to you, but something is better than nothing, isn’t it?’ Because you believe that anyway.

Given you believe that, the question you really need to examine is why have you continued to see him? Your dalliance with this guy is clearly not suiting you as it’s messing with your head. You need to end it. So please do it with some dignity by just telling him it’s not working for you anymore.

Gurthnamuckla · 15/09/2023 08:19

Faultymain5 · 15/09/2023 08:11

This right here!

Show quote history

Exactly this. End things, work on your self-esteem, and don’t get into another relationship/FWB situation until you feel better about yourself.

If he has any sense, he’ll end things after you ask him, anyway. It’s no part of a FWB situation to be interrogated about your preferences because the other person has been stalking your sm and coming to conclusions about your preferred body type.

Voraxaraptor · 15/09/2023 08:19

CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 08:08

Wanting to know if a man you're having sex with is sexually attracted to you isn't needy. It's common sense and anyone man or woman would want to know if the person they are having sex with finds them attractive. Is it needy behavior when he tells me he's insecure? And asks me if I had an orgasm and doesn't believe me when I tell him I did?

Needy because I want to know if the guy who's been having sex with me for year finds me sexually attractive. Yeah ok, that makes no sense.

Edited

The fact that you are emotionally entangled in this way and want his validation on your body in this way is concerning because this man owes you nothing. And by the way, him asking if you came is so he can feel like the big-man-giver-of-orgasms. It’s not because he ‘insecure’.

And despite lots of people saying ‘yes of course he find you attractive’- a lot of men would have sex with a subway sandwich if it was going. You might be perfectly good enough to have sex with- but not ‘his type’ at all physically if he was looking for a girlfriend or partner. Are you ok with that?

If you want respect and to feel cherished- a ‘friend’ with benefits is not where you find that. Be wary of placing so much importance in how much he perceives you.

I’m not anti FWB. But it only works when your emotional needs are being met elsewhere. You are linking your shagging with your body image and confidence. That’s worrying.

Escapefromhell · 15/09/2023 08:19

Would you be upset if he said you weren’t his type?

With a FWB type thing I doubt most people would care. The partner just has to be tolerable physically and personality wise. Isn’t it often the point with FWB that you haven’t made the grade for ‘relationship material’ in one way or another.

You don’t care what is on the mantelpiece whilst you are stoking the fire.

OrlandointheWilderness · 15/09/2023 08:19

How do you know he has been lying?!?

Just consider for a second this possibility- he isn't lying at all.

And yes, plenty of women fake orgasms.

Tbh I don't think you are in the right head space for this sort of situation, you are clearly struggling with it.

Remona · 15/09/2023 08:20

Reading between the lines here, what you’re wanting is a proper relationship with him, not the FWB situation you have now. Deep down you know it’s just sex and you’re not truly comfortable with that.

You’re trying to dress it up in the “is he sexually attracted to me” question whereas the question is really “am I the sort of person he’d want to have a relationship with?” and the answer is no, but you already know that if you were honest with yourself.