Active discussions

Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I am going to ask this guy if he's actually sexually attracted to me. Does this sound ok?

376 replies

CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 07:47

I've been having sex with this guy for a year now. We've been friends with benefits but I don't know if he's actually sexually attracted to my body type. I see where he follows models on social media. This is why I'd like to ask him if he is sexually attracted to women with my body type. Or if he is only attracted to models and skinny women.

Even if we are only friends with benefits I still think it's important that both people are sexually attracted to each other because it's physical and we see each other naked. And I don't see anything wrong with a woman wanting to know that I man who sees her naked is sexually attracted to her.

I am going to say this to him...

I'd like to talk to you about something but I don't want you to think I'm trying to start drama or that I'm trying to argue. I want clarity about something. (Are you sexually attracted to women who have my type of body? Or are you only attracted to models and skinny women).
^^
Then I'll tell him why I'm asking because I am sexually attracted to him and I enjoy having sex with him. And I want the feelings to be mutual.

OP posts:
Bumcake · 15/09/2023 08:49

Why ask a question and then argue with everyone who answers it?

You’re going to do it, so do it.

mushroomushroom · 15/09/2023 08:49

CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 08:40

Work on my self-esteem? Because I want to know that the man who sees me naked is actually attracted to me? Why aren't you saying he should work on his self-esteem?

We aren't saying he should work on his self esteem because we don't care about him. No strings sex shouldn't be eating you up like this. End it for your own mental health and peace of mind.

Original poster
CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 08:50

Yeah, I told him anyone would do and he told me he wouldn't have sex with a woman he's not attracted to. Which is clearly bs I even asked him on the dating app if he was attracted to my type and he said yes. But I guess he was just lying and is continuing to do so. That's what I don't get how can a man lie about being attracted to a woman when he's not? And have sex with her for an entire year? Just even more sickening because he still acts like he's interested in sex with me. When clearly he's not.

I said a few things to test him to see if he was interested. I told him I wanted to try a new position and he said we could. And I told him I knew he wasn't used to having sex with a woman like me. And he said he guess he'll have to get used to it. So yeah it's the constant lying that's so insane to me. But he doesn't know that I know what he's looking at on social media. So this is why he lies because he has no idea that I know he's a liar.

I'm going to tell him that maybe he wouldn't be insecure about his performance if he wasn't lying and pretending to be sexually attracted to women.

OP posts:
Someoneonlyyouknow · 15/09/2023 08:50

Are there models with your body type? My DH would be hard pushed to find anyone with my body flaunting it, half naked, on social media. But he fancies me, is turned on by me and finds me sexually attractive. Your fwb is attracted enough to have sex regularly for a year

Catsafterme · 15/09/2023 08:50

Christ, there are plenty of sleazy men who will shag anything in sight but not all men are like that. We're not all mindless apes that cheat, lie and pretend to like women just to have somewhere to stick it.

Crimblecrumble1990 · 15/09/2023 08:56

Are you saying that he's gay or something? And he follows attractive men on social media?

Because otherwise I can't understand this narrative you have created in your head based on a few people he follows. Your insecurity would be a huge turn off and I really think you need to step away and get some counselling or something to help you understand why you are sabotaging this.

Maybe he is an arsehole but you two are just shagging and he seems like a decent lay and respectful so what's the problem?

Original poster
CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 08:57

There's a woman on Tiktok who mentioned that what a man follows on social media is really what he likes. So is she lying? If he didn't like those types of women he wouldn't be lusting after them.

And that's fine if he has a preference but it's not ok for him to pretend to be into me physically when he's not.

OP posts:
AliOlis · 15/09/2023 08:58

Are you just trolling now, op?

Someoneonlyyouknow · 15/09/2023 08:59

Catsafterme · 15/09/2023 08:50

Christ, there are plenty of sleazy men who will shag anything in sight but not all men are like that. We're not all mindless apes that cheat, lie and pretend to like women just to have somewhere to stick it.

Gosh I almost feel sorry for men now. Are they not usually looking for the woman they are most attracted to, at that moment? Even if availability adds to the attraction. It sounds desperately lonely and sad otherwise

ColloidalSliver · 15/09/2023 08:59

WTAF is this thread?

SocialistSally · 15/09/2023 09:00

CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 08:57

There's a woman on Tiktok who mentioned that what a man follows on social media is really what he likes. So is she lying? If he didn't like those types of women he wouldn't be lusting after them.

And that's fine if he has a preference but it's not ok for him to pretend to be into me physically when he's not.

Edited

There are people on TikTok who claim the world is flat, doesn’t make it true.

CapEBarra · 15/09/2023 09:02

Please don’t ask him this. He’ll think you’ve lost the plot and you might not like his answer. If he’s aroused enough to shag you then he’s sexually attracted to you. If you want more than a friend with benefits this is not the man for you.

monsteramunch · 15/09/2023 09:02

At least I'm being honest with him I've been attracted to him this entire time. I haven't been faking and pretending like he has been. I wouldn't have to ask him this if he'd be honest.

You're having sex with him.

You think he's a liar, insecure and a creep.

Why are you having sex with someone you think those things about?

Do you find liars attractive? Do you find insecure men attractive? Do you find creeps attractive?

Are you a liar / dishonest / the things you're accusing him of, because you're having sex with him despite thinking he is those things?

Original poster
CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 09:02

We aren't in a relationship and he can be attracted to whatever kind of woman he wants. That's fine we all like what we like. But the issue is he's been lying and pretending to be physically attracted to my type for a year. And that's the real issue here it's not about us only being fwb. It's about him only having sex with me because he's too insecure to approach the models and skinny chicks he lusts after on social media. He's lusting after those types of women because it's what he really wants. Ok fine good but don't have sex with a woman for a year pretending like you like her body when you clearly don't.

I would never pretend to be physically attracted to a man. I actually stopped seeing a guy because he wasn't my type physically.

OP posts:
Someoneonlyyouknow · 15/09/2023 09:03

CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 08:57

There's a woman on Tiktok who mentioned that what a man follows on social media is really what he likes. So is she lying? If he didn't like those types of women he wouldn't be lusting after them.

And that's fine if he has a preference but it's not ok for him to pretend to be into me physically when he's not.

Edited

Well maybe you're not his ideal perfect number one, but that doesn't mean he isn't attracted to you at all. And again, is your body type on TikTok if he wanted to lust after it?

Sunshineandflipflops · 15/09/2023 09:03

I follow Ryan Reynolds on social media but that doesn't mean I'm any less attracted to my partner, who looks nothing like Ryan Reynolds. None of my romantic partners have looked anything like each other...the only thing they have in common is that they are male. I really don't agree with your logic about him not being attracted to you because you don't look like the women he follows on social media.

CapEBarra · 15/09/2023 09:04

Unless she’s a professor of the psychology of the internet she’s just some randomer making stuff up.

Hollyisalrightactuallysorry · 15/09/2023 09:05

OP I just echo what others have said to you. Please don't send him this.

I follow Chris Hemsworth on SM and pretty much 'like' every photo of him with his top off. My DH looks nothing like Chris Hemsworth but I am still hugely attracted to him.

Seeing who he follows and what he looks at on instagram etc does suggest low self esteem and suggest you perhaps take a step back from this FWB situation

Original poster
CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 09:06

He knew I wasn't his ideal perfect type when he saw my pictures on the dating app. And still, he acted as though he was attracted to me.

OP posts:
Hollyisalrightactuallysorry · 15/09/2023 09:07

@Sunshineandflipflops oh yes, and Ryan Reynolds too. Also follow Chris Evans for the photos of him with his dog 🥰

CurlewKate · 15/09/2023 09:08

@CandyLollipopw
Why? What are you going to do with the information? The point is he is sexually attracted to you! I fancy the pants off my DP, but if I was going to watch porn (I don't!) I wouldn't choose to watch people who looked like him. It's about more than body type-or it certainly should be.

Original poster
CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 09:08

I'm not the only woman who does this there are a lot of women who look at men's Instagram to see what they follow. Because it gives them an idea of what type of guy he really is.

OP posts:
VesperLynne · 15/09/2023 09:08

You sound hard work.

MrsSchrute · 15/09/2023 09:09

How can this end well OP?

If he says he isn't attracted to you, that's it.

If he says he is attracted to you, you won't believe him, so that's it.

What's the point? Just end it.

Gurthnamuckla · 15/09/2023 09:10

CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 09:06

He knew I wasn't his ideal perfect type when he saw my pictures on the dating app. And still, he acted as though he was attracted to me.

You are behaving as though you are married and you think he’s contemplating running off with his intern, not just two people who have regular sex without commitment. What is it you actually want to know?

Because what I want to know is why you’ve spent a year having sex with someone you think is a liar and hypocrite.