Active discussions

Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I am going to ask this guy if he's actually sexually attracted to me. Does this sound ok?

376 replies

CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 07:47

I've been having sex with this guy for a year now. We've been friends with benefits but I don't know if he's actually sexually attracted to my body type. I see where he follows models on social media. This is why I'd like to ask him if he is sexually attracted to women with my body type. Or if he is only attracted to models and skinny women.

Even if we are only friends with benefits I still think it's important that both people are sexually attracted to each other because it's physical and we see each other naked. And I don't see anything wrong with a woman wanting to know that I man who sees her naked is sexually attracted to her.

I am going to say this to him...

I'd like to talk to you about something but I don't want you to think I'm trying to start drama or that I'm trying to argue. I want clarity about something. (Are you sexually attracted to women who have my type of body? Or are you only attracted to models and skinny women).
^^
Then I'll tell him why I'm asking because I am sexually attracted to him and I enjoy having sex with him. And I want the feelings to be mutual.

OP posts:
YRGAM · 15/09/2023 08:02

Please don't do this, it is unnecessary and will give him the creeps

Original poster
CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 08:02

What's shallow is that he's been having sex with a woman for a year when he's not even physically attracted to her that's insanity.

OP posts:
Fullspectrum · 15/09/2023 08:03

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

yellowsmileyface · 15/09/2023 08:03

CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 08:02

What's shallow is that he's been having sex with a woman for a year when he's not even physically attracted to her that's insanity.

Has he? I wasn't aware he told you he's not attracted to you already.

Fullspectrum · 15/09/2023 08:03

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

WandaWonder · 15/09/2023 08:04

So you will be fine with however he answers?

stealthninjamum · 15/09/2023 08:04

I think you need to realise that just because he follows a certain type of woman on instagram doesn’t mean he only finds them attractive. If I followed men on Instagram I’m sure they’d have gym bodies and good pecs but I have a dp who has a dad body and I find him much more attractive than a guy with a six pack.

Faultymain5 · 15/09/2023 08:05

Friends with benefits is shallow! That’s its purpose. You clearly want more depth. That’s what you are really asking for and that’s what you should ask if that’s what you want. Having the sex should be validation enough.

Valid8me · 15/09/2023 08:05

CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 08:02

What's shallow is that he's been having sex with a woman for a year when he's not even physically attracted to her that's insanity.

Are you not listening? He clearly is sexually attracted to you, otherwise he would not be having sex with you!

Original poster
CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 08:05

It's unnecessary for me to want to know if he's physically attracted to me? Why wouldn't I want to know this? He sees me naked it's obvious I'd want him to be attracted to me. It's creepy that he follows half-naked women on social media who look nothing like me. And then turn around and pretend like he's attracted to me. That's disgusting and cruel.

At least I'm being honest with him I've been attracted to him this entire time. I haven't been faking and pretending like he has been. I wouldn't have to ask him this if he'd be honest.

OP posts:
LadyoftheLavaLamp · 15/09/2023 08:06

If you ask him this it will be the beginning of the end- fwb and very needy behaviour do not mix

PaminaMozart · 15/09/2023 08:07

This too...

Schoolchoicesucks · 15/09/2023 08:07

OP this message makes you sound very insecure about your body and stalker-ish about his social media.

If you are happy with the FWB arrangement then no good can come from this message.

If you are not happy with the FWB arrangement then no good can come from this message either.

If you want more than FWB you need to actually have a conversation about that with him, rather than sending him a message passively aggressively accusing him of only finding thin women attractive.

Valid8me · 15/09/2023 08:07

Who says he has been faking and pretending? You need to give your head a wobble otherwise you won't be FWB for much longer.

TheWildRumpyPumpus · 15/09/2023 08:07

How did your FWB situation start? Surely as part of that it was established that you are both sexually attracted to each other? Or why would you be doing this?

LadyoftheLavaLamp · 15/09/2023 08:07

I like looking at various hot celebrities on social media. I don’t have a chance with any of them and am very happy with my husband, who does not look like them or have the same body type. It’s really not that hard to understand.

Original poster
CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 08:08

Wanting to know if a man you're having sex with is sexually attracted to you isn't needy. It's common sense and anyone man or woman would want to know if the person they are having sex with finds them attractive. Is it needy behavior when he tells me he's insecure? And asks me if I had an orgasm and doesn't believe me when I tell him I did?

Needy because I want to know if the guy who's been having sex with me for year finds me sexually attractive. Yeah ok, that makes no sense.

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 15/09/2023 08:08

CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 08:05

It's unnecessary for me to want to know if he's physically attracted to me? Why wouldn't I want to know this? He sees me naked it's obvious I'd want him to be attracted to me. It's creepy that he follows half-naked women on social media who look nothing like me. And then turn around and pretend like he's attracted to me. That's disgusting and cruel.

At least I'm being honest with him I've been attracted to him this entire time. I haven't been faking and pretending like he has been. I wouldn't have to ask him this if he'd be honest.

This is sounding even weirder

Anewnamea · 15/09/2023 08:08

CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 07:59

So me asking him if he's actually attracted to me is a problem? I think FWB are supposed to be sexually attracted to each other. Any woman in her right mind would want a man to like her physically if he sees her naked it's common sense.

Edited

I’d actually go against the grain here and say it’s ok asking him.

If you don’t like his answer you can easily cut ties as you aren’t in a relationship.

You already have doubts clearly so what’s there to lose by asking?

The only thing is he may lie so I’d ask him in person as it would make it harder for him to do so.

yellowsmileyface · 15/09/2023 08:08

People can be attracted to different kinds of people? Some people just don't have a type.

You're way too emotionally invested in this and you're not willing to admit it to yourself.

AgnesX · 15/09/2023 08:09

CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 07:59

So me asking him if he's actually attracted to me is a problem? I think FWB are supposed to be sexually attracted to each other. Any woman in her right mind would want a man to like her physically if he sees her naked it's common sense.

Edited

🙄 Isn't the fact that you're shagging enough? People are saying it'll put him off which it might but never underestimate the male desire to get their leg over.

AliOlis · 15/09/2023 08:09

Loopytiles · 15/09/2023 07:49

Seems pointless and unnecessary drama.

First post has it.

Poontangle · 15/09/2023 08:09

You should stop having sex with this bloke. Your self esteem is nowhere near healthy enough.

Original poster
CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 08:10

Yes, I do plan to ask him in person last time I saw him he told me he wouldn't have sex with a woman he's not attracted to. But I think he's just lying because his social media says otherwise. He doesn't know that I know who he follows so of course he'll lie about it.

If I don't like the answer I'm not seeing him anymore.

OP posts:
Schoolchoicesucks · 15/09/2023 08:10

CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 08:05

It's unnecessary for me to want to know if he's physically attracted to me? Why wouldn't I want to know this? He sees me naked it's obvious I'd want him to be attracted to me. It's creepy that he follows half-naked women on social media who look nothing like me. And then turn around and pretend like he's attracted to me. That's disgusting and cruel.

At least I'm being honest with him I've been attracted to him this entire time. I haven't been faking and pretending like he has been. I wouldn't have to ask him this if he'd be honest.

Why is it creepy for a man you are not in a relationship with to follow other women, who don't look like you, on social media?

If they looked like you would you be OK with it?

Why don't you think he is attracted to you? He has been having sex with you. This is about you not him