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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

OLD guy has said we’re not sexually compatible

368 replies

Feelinghumiliated · 11/09/2023 12:17

I’m feeling very raw today, see username (created for this thread, I am a longtime MN poster)

I’ve done OLD on and off for a few years since divorce and had some fun times as well as a couple of longer term boyfriends from it.

I had a couple of dates with a guy from an app and met him for a third date for an evening drink on Saturday. We really clicked, there was loads of chemistry and we decided to have dinner too. I was happy to go back to his apartment to sleep with him, we were both a bit merry but happy to proceed. We had what I thought was quite a hot, exciting time in bed together but annoyingly I came on during sex and so inevitably there was some blood on the sheets afterwards, I didn’t realise what had happened until afterwards. Of course I apologised but he went into the bathroom to remove condom. We both fell asleep soon afterwards. All seemed ok in the morning, he made coffee and we chatted and cuddled up in bed but he had to get going for lunch with his family. I thought we left on a nice note, nice kiss and “see you soon”. He messaged shortly after I left saying that it had been great to see me, I had that lovely warm feeling for the rest of the afternoon.

This is the humiliating bit, I messaged him last night to say that I had really enjoyed being with him and when could we get together again for a date. He got back to me this morning with a total shit sandwich, “you’re a wonderful woman, so interesting and warm BUT (here goes) the blood was a turn off and I also didn’t like the way you touched my hair during sex, I am not a baby. I’m happy to see you again as a friend but not as a date.”

I was totally gutted. I have never had a response like that from a man I’ve had sex with, it actually made me feel sick. I wrote back and apologised and explained and even reassured him that I don’t have any STIs (ss to him some recent sexual health check results), he responded by saying - don’t worry about it, we’re just not compatible in bed.

WTF? How do I get past this? It’s blindsided me.

OP posts:
ShadyPaws · 11/09/2023 12:20

Don't feel humiliated, he's being ridiculous
It's a natural body function that you have no control over!

MumBusy · 11/09/2023 12:20

He is a dickhead. Jesus it’s happened to all of us. That thing about I don’t like the way you touched my hair is just weird. You have dodged a bullet here.

SamW98 · 11/09/2023 12:22

He’s a dickhead and you’ve had a lucky escape.

Honestly this really is a case of it’s not you it’s him

Masterofhappydays · 11/09/2023 12:23

He sounds like an immature idiot to be honest. Does he think you can hold your period in or something!

PerfectMatch · 11/09/2023 12:23

Please don't feel embarrassed about this OP. He's an awful person to make you feel bad about this. Honestly forget about him and move on.

ProfessorInkling · 11/09/2023 12:23

What a knob. I know it will sting but honestly you've dodged a bullet there.

Mauricemossy · 11/09/2023 12:24

He cannot cope with a woman's period. What a dick.

Passmeaplacard · 11/09/2023 12:24

He’s done you a favour here showing how immature he is so early on. You’ve done nothing wrong his reaction says far more about him that you

Whattodo112222 · 11/09/2023 12:24

Stupid immature bastard.
He's entitled to not see you again however he is not entitled to go out of his way to humiliate you and make you feel like shit.
I'd say you dodged a bullet OP. Find someone who deserves you. Touching someone's hair during sex is really intimate and loving in my eyes, you have nothing to feel ashamed about .
We've all come on during sex, most men are mature enough to not have a problem with it.
Block and delete OP. He isn't worthy of your time.

Themermaidspool · 11/09/2023 12:25

Its not you its him. Hes got what he wanted and doesnt need to be nice to you anymore. And what a lucky escape for you! Im not sure what the best response would be but reading his text has given me the serious ick! Yuck! What an absolute baby with undertones of nastiness just for the sake of it! Lucky escape! You can do better than this one in so many ways!

YaWeeFurryBastard · 11/09/2023 12:25

Tbh when I read the thread title I was ready to say unfortunately it’s just one of those things, however having read the period comment it’s clear he’s just an arsehole. What kind of man can’t cope with a bit of blood ffs! You’ve had a lucky escape.

Shadesofscarlett · 11/09/2023 12:26

my response would be any good knight doesn't mind blood on his sword - but tbh your best weapon here is your silence - and block that twat.

nomoreacorns · 11/09/2023 12:27

MumBusy · 11/09/2023 12:20

He is a dickhead. Jesus it’s happened to all of us. That thing about I don’t like the way you touched my hair is just weird. You have dodged a bullet here.

This.

He's fucking horrible.

And the irony of him saying he is not a child whilst also going, ' Ewww! A period! Icky-wicky woman stuff! EWW! Women are so gross! EWW! I can't play with you again! EWWWWW!'

Immature negging dickwad. Well rid.

fabmaccawhackythumbsaloft · 11/09/2023 12:30

That's so,horrible, if he didn't want to see you again fair enough but his response was twatty

Since I have. Petty streak I'd probably say " oh well that's ok as I did I did wonder if you were having trouble staying hard , couldn't feel much it I'm used to average sized penis . Good luck and take care ! "

fabmaccawhackythumbsaloft · 11/09/2023 12:31
  • and I'm used to an average sized penis

Typos god this phone is annoying

HermioneWeasley · 11/09/2023 12:32

Well he’s right, you’re not compatible. Presumably because he wants a blow up doll with no bodily functions. Brilliant you found out so early on

becarefulofyourheart · 11/09/2023 12:33

okaaaay - is he 100% certain he’s not a baby? Lucky escape? Just on this it sounds like he’s got a couple of deep-seated issues about women (although if it’s a turn off it’s a turn off, I suppose). I’ve never met a man who was freaked out by menstrual blood, ymmv but that’d turn me right off him in turn, I couldn’t be arsed with a squeamish man.

YaWeeFurryBastard · 11/09/2023 12:34

fabmaccawhackythumbsaloft · 11/09/2023 12:30

That's so,horrible, if he didn't want to see you again fair enough but his response was twatty

Since I have. Petty streak I'd probably say " oh well that's ok as I did I did wonder if you were having trouble staying hard , couldn't feel much it I'm used to average sized penis . Good luck and take care ! "

Don’t do this, it’s incredibly obvious you’re bothered if you respond with something like this. Just ignoring him is the best response as he’s clearly enjoying putting you down, don’t give him the satisfaction of knowing he’s got to you.

Birthdayblu · 11/09/2023 12:34

God I’m so sorry, OP. You have dodged an absolute knobrocket.

It sounds trite, but someone that petty and horrible is a lucky escape for you. Needless to say this is not about you at all. The hair comment? What on earth. And as for not being able to handle a bit of blood. Well he doesn’t deserve to bed anyone.

Please block his number and don’t look back.

C1N1C · 11/09/2023 12:34

The blood happens... it just sounds like he just has a different style of sex... rougher maybe?

Truth be told, at least you had feedback! This isn't a negative, just a different style... most guys would just ghost you regardless.

StarDolphins · 11/09/2023 12:34

Wtf! 😱 you’ve had a lucky escape there, what a totally weird guy, how on earth has he come up with this ridiculous text!

MargotMoon · 11/09/2023 12:35

Do NOT let that message dictate how you feel about what was clearly a good night and how you feel about yourself. Trust your first instincts - it WAS fun and you had a good time.

Shame he turned out to be an avoidant arsehole, but you can't win them all - no real, secure man would be so freaked out by period blood and emotional intimacy - onwards and upwards!

EggInANest · 11/09/2023 12:36

Good grief!

You have nothing to feel humiliated about OP.

What a horrible appalling man. You didn't need to apologise to him after his stupid message, just block him now.

nomoreacorns · 11/09/2023 12:36

This reply has been deleted

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fabmaccawhackythumbsaloft · 11/09/2023 12:36

Yeah just ignore and block him . It is demoralising and I've given up with the whole online thing

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