OLD guy has said we’re not sexually compatible

[Feelinghumiliated]

I’m feeling very raw today, see username (created for this thread, I am a longtime MN poster)

I’ve done OLD on and off for a few years since divorce and had some fun times as well as a couple of longer term boyfriends from it.

I had a couple of dates with a guy from an app and met him for a third date for an evening drink on Saturday. We really clicked, there was loads of chemistry and we decided to have dinner too. I was happy to go back to his apartment to sleep with him, we were both a bit merry but happy to proceed. We had what I thought was quite a hot, exciting time in bed together but annoyingly I came on during sex and so inevitably there was some blood on the sheets afterwards, I didn’t realise what had happened until afterwards. Of course I apologised but he went into the bathroom to remove condom. We both fell asleep soon afterwards. All seemed ok in the morning, he made coffee and we chatted and cuddled up in bed but he had to get going for lunch with his family. I thought we left on a nice note, nice kiss and “see you soon”. He messaged shortly after I left saying that it had been great to see me, I had that lovely warm feeling for the rest of the afternoon.

This is the humiliating bit, I messaged him last night to say that I had really enjoyed being with him and when could we get together again for a date. He got back to me this morning with a total shit sandwich, “you’re a wonderful woman, so interesting and warm BUT (here goes) the blood was a turn off and I also didn’t like the way you touched my hair during sex, I am not a baby. I’m happy to see you again as a friend but not as a date.”

I was totally gutted. I have never had a response like that from a man I’ve had sex with, it actually made me feel sick. I wrote back and apologised and explained and even reassured him that I don’t have any STIs (ss to him some recent sexual health check results), he responded by saying - don’t worry about it, we’re just not compatible in bed.

WTF? How do I get past this? It’s blindsided me.

A women coming on her period unexpectedly is crossing a boundary? On what fucking planet?

You should be grateful that he showed his true colours early on in the relationship and you didn’t get in too deep.
You dodged a bullet, if he found it a turn off so be it, he could have worded it in a different way though…..he seems very immature.
Dont bother communicating with him further

best to vocalise ones boundaries at the start.

It's a natural thing , but he got the ick.

Move on forget him

Let's be clear - body shaming is not acceptable. At all. Ever.

He shouldn't have done it in the first place. It doesn't mean that she should be a shitty human back.

Also - there's absolutely nothing wrong than having a small penis.

Surely that's just being honest, which you think is a good thing? He crossed her boundaries by having a too small cock, in the same way that she crossed his by having a menstruation cycle and touching his hair?

Sometimes you do not know something is a boundary until it has been crossed.

Well he's a twat!

You have nothing to feel humiliated about. Block and move on.

Oh get off your high horse. She's been body shamed - she's absolutely free to do the same to him.

Are you a man with a small penis by any chance?

"He had a boundary (or two), and you crossed them"

oh yes. one of the "boundaries" was that she was an adult female who once per month has a period and bleeds blood!!! the cheek of the woman! (yes periods can be unpredictable before you say anything about knowing it was going to happen, it can also happen the first time you have sex without actually being on your period, but if you think being on your period could be breaking a man's "boundaries" then you are probably the mental age of a 13 year old anyway so won't know that)

No, I'm a woman with massive tits.

I stand by it - it's not ok to body shame people.

I have an ex that is totally against any kind of blood during sex. He wouldn’t have sex for a couple of days before my period and for a day after. He just said it made him feel sick.

We all have our preferences so it never bothered me. Maybe it was the same bloke 😂

to be honest, any man on this thread who says that the fact that OP was on her period could be the breaking of the OP's sexual partners "boundaries" genuinely does not sound like someone who is old enough to have sexual intercourse.

But it's just being honest if he does have a small penis. And you've already told us that's a good thing. In fact, more women should tell men if they've got small penises and earnestly explain that that's why they're not sexually compatible, shouldn't they?

What an idiot ! Honestly do not feel humiliated , he is not worthy of you feeling anything but relief you did not went in to ah e a relationship. He is a man baby and is trying to blame you .

It would be a boundary for me to sleep with a woman on her period. The moment I noticed I would probably stop anything and say that this wasn't for me right now. Afterwards if it had happened I might look back and say 'actually, that experience was enough to put me off a person, I'd rather not see them again in this way.'

I'm sorry I have the mental age of a 13 year old.

I'm not a man, sorry to burst your bubble.

I just have strong feelings about being allowed boundaries, and being allowed to say you're not interested in having sex with someone in the future.

I mean if people are praising him for his honesty would it be so bad if the OP was honest about his penis (if she genuinely thought it was too small)? He can't do anything about his penis size of course, but likewise the OP couldn't do anything about her menstruation. Obviously there's nothing wrong with having small penis, but also there's nothing wrong with having a preference for a larger penis.

Why does the OP have to be the virtuous one?

Just musing. I personally wouldn't bother but I don't get why it would be a big deal.

He probably got the ick which is fine as nice as it is that there are so many men on here not bothered by blood some really are my ex wouldn’t go near me if I was on my period we wouldn’t have sex some don’t like it and he is not the only man I’ve met that doesn’t. It’s ok that he doesn’t like something and as it was the first time it’s probably put him off / given him the ick. I think he could have just said he doesn’t see a future though without going into detail as it was a bit unnecessary.

Wonder if your OLD charmer is a porn enthusiast. Often leads to ridiculously artificial ideas about what should/not happen during sex.

I agree with everyone else. Feel grateful he showed you the shortest running route for the hills. --> ^^

So you're a lesbian woman with massive tits?

Not met many lesbians who were squeamish about periods before, being as most have them themselves.

Reading your replies and already feeling better. Some of you have mentioned my self esteem and that I had no need to apologise. You’re totally right, I don’t know why I did that 😞 I do think I need to work on my self esteem. Thanks everyone. This is the best of MN, women helping each other out.

I mean.

Theres being fine with it. Then there is choosing to lick it.

An absolute hard no from me 🤢

Probably. I don’t think I am going to use OLD for a while now. I need to think about what’s happened here.