OLD guy has said we’re not sexually compatible

[Feelinghumiliated]

I’m feeling very raw today, see username (created for this thread, I am a longtime MN poster)

I’ve done OLD on and off for a few years since divorce and had some fun times as well as a couple of longer term boyfriends from it.

I had a couple of dates with a guy from an app and met him for a third date for an evening drink on Saturday. We really clicked, there was loads of chemistry and we decided to have dinner too. I was happy to go back to his apartment to sleep with him, we were both a bit merry but happy to proceed. We had what I thought was quite a hot, exciting time in bed together but annoyingly I came on during sex and so inevitably there was some blood on the sheets afterwards, I didn’t realise what had happened until afterwards. Of course I apologised but he went into the bathroom to remove condom. We both fell asleep soon afterwards. All seemed ok in the morning, he made coffee and we chatted and cuddled up in bed but he had to get going for lunch with his family. I thought we left on a nice note, nice kiss and “see you soon”. He messaged shortly after I left saying that it had been great to see me, I had that lovely warm feeling for the rest of the afternoon.

This is the humiliating bit, I messaged him last night to say that I had really enjoyed being with him and when could we get together again for a date. He got back to me this morning with a total shit sandwich, “you’re a wonderful woman, so interesting and warm BUT (here goes) the blood was a turn off and I also didn’t like the way you touched my hair during sex, I am not a baby. I’m happy to see you again as a friend but not as a date.”

I was totally gutted. I have never had a response like that from a man I’ve had sex with, it actually made me feel sick. I wrote back and apologised and explained and even reassured him that I don’t have any STIs (ss to him some recent sexual health check results), he responded by saying - don’t worry about it, we’re just not compatible in bed.

WTF? How do I get past this? It’s blindsided me.

Might not be a baby but he doesn't sound like a mature man!

Sexual compatibility matters so much, it seems his only compatible companion is a toy with Made in China stamped on its ass, instead of a real woman. You can do SO much better.

What a fucktard. Sorry OP.

I am thinking reading some of these that maybe all he wanted all along was a quick one off shag. But I had told him that I don’t want one off casual sex.

He should feel humiliated, most women have periods obviously dependant on age but good luck to him trying to find one who doesn't. You had a lucky escape. If he didn't like you playing with his hair he should of just said it at the time. Don't apologize to him he is in the wrong here

And he has kids so he must have seen blood somewhere in his sex life before

@C1N1C since when does rough sex kick-start someone's period?

As for not negative feedback- how is "eww you have periods and that turns me off" as if somehow its the OPs fault she's a woman not negative?

He sounds like he would be better off as a gay man if he can't cope with the idea of a woman on her period.

oh well that's ok as I did wonder if you were having trouble staying hard, couldn't feel much, I'm used to average sized penis . Good luck and take care ! "

He sounds like an absolute idiot. Some men aren't bothered by period blood, some are. But you didn't know you were going to come on so not your fault. I feel like it wasn't the real reason and he decided beforehand he didn't want to see you again, but thought he'd shag you anyway. He might just shag about and that's his way. Either way, he hasn't treated you well, block him and move on.

No. Don't send it. The above. But I did laugh.

I absolutely hate having my hair touched and the first time a partner has done it in the past I have politely asked them to stop and explained why like an adult, not moaned about it afterwards like a petulant child

The fact that you apologised tells me you need to work on your self-confidence and assertiveness. You shouldn't apologise for an unavoidable, natural process. Sure, the timing was regrettable and I guess I might have said "shit, sorry!" in the moment when I realised I'd bled on his sheets but I certainly wouldn't have apologised in response to someone being immature and rude enough to tell me it was a turn off.

Lucky escape, genuinely. Go and find someone who can handle a functioning adult woman.

Both the period and hair excuses are ridiculous. I'm sorry but it seems like this man just wanted to hump then dump to get a notch on his bedpost. He's a twat, and he almost certainly comes up with some shitty excuse with every woman he has sex with.

Sounds like the brush off was always his plan anyway. Maybe that is how he gets his kicks - a good shag then nasty comment to follow up.

ewwww!!! NOT you, all him

What a horrible man . Never heard of anyone being so callous

What a total twat
I feel sorry for any woman who ever encounters him again
I had this happen to me once and the man involved was perfectly fine about it and never mentioned it again

If it makes you feel better a woman I used to know told me a story about this happening to her
She was with this new bloke at his house generally getting down to it in the dark on his sofa and he was giving her oral sex
She suddenly realised that she had started her period and stopped him and rushed to the bathroom and locked herself in feeling mortified
He spent the next hour pleading with her to come out and reassuring her it was fine whilst she was seriously considering jumping out of the bathroom window so she never had to see him again
Eventually she decided it was too high so came out and saw that the man's face was literally covered in blood.
She was further embarrassed having to tell him this but thought it was all over.
After he had cleaned himself up they went back into the living room and turned the light on to sit down to be confronted by his white leather sofa which was now almost totally red.
He then lets on that it is actually his parents house and starts freaking out as to what he can tell his mum
She left immediately and has never spoken to him again
We had such a laugh about it!

He's right - you're not compatible. You were lucky to dodge a bullet OP.

Yes, thank you

I’m starting to wonder 😞

I’d have been blindsided too. OMG, no need for that was there. I don’t think I’d have replied tho. You’re better off out of that one. Twat x

Block him and forget about it.

He cld have just said he didn't want to see u again. He's not a kind person saying that to you. Especially for something that u cld not control!

What a total prick. Please don’t feel humiliated, you’ve dodged a massive tosser here. Move on.

also he didn’t like the way you touched his hair?! What?? He’s probably losing it and is precious about it coming out

If he truly got the ick from a woman starting her period unexpectedly during sex; he'd need to date only women who have their cycle on an alarm in a digital app and who avoids sex for days around that time (unrealistic, since plenty of women's periods are irregular) or who never had periods due to contraception, again; not reliable. And an unnatural, sanitised, fake version of a woman.

The only other alternative is to have a perpetually pregnant partner, but since he's a divorced or separated Dad with kids; it appears he's not very good at being in that situation either (!)

Oh and even some pregnant women have spotting and bleeding.

He sounds unrealistic, intolerant, finicky etc.

The hair thing .... Hardly unusual or offensive behaviour. He could have said something during sex if he was all that bothered by it, why are you supposed to be psychic.

And why does stroking someone's hair or face mean you're treating them like a baby??!! He's a bit weird.

Running/rubbing your hand through someone's hair is a fairly normal sexual/affectionate thing (?) Esp if they gave nice hair etc.

He sounds very uptight and decidedly unfun sexually.

I've known men who talked about going down in women who were having their period and how it didn't bother them FFS.

At least they sound like you'd have have a good ol' time.

Instead of being told off for touching - gasp - someone's face or hair while being intimate, or a bit of period blood because women can't always perfectly accurately predict their periods.

And yes, maybe it is all excuses, having got what he wanted; you saying you want a relationship doesnt mean men with no integrity won't still try to do NSA/casual sex.

Anyway what use is he for NSA or a relationship; hes a pole up his arse, unrealistic, hyper critical, intolerant poor communicator who wants to fuck, to put his genitals in yours but is offended by you touching his hair - wtaf.

As someone said, no wonder he's single. I wonder he's divorced or separated even though he's brought kids into the world with a partner.

And the rough thing ... Not really appropriate for a first sexual intercourse occasion, maybe he should get some feedback on that. And as others have said, maybe it indicates his attitude to the sex and in general. Sexually motivated.
But he's so dishonest and low integrity he won't be honest a out that even when women say they're not looking for only sex.

Hmmm you said it was quite rough and he didn’t like it when you touched him on the hair and face, which is more tender. I’m thinking he was only ever after the sex and if it hadn’t have been the blood it would’ve been something else. Men aren’t rough with women they see as a future investment. And then you were too real for him and not just the wham bam thank you ma’am he thought he was getting.

You massively dodged a bullet here. Chalk it up to experience and don’t you dare not hold your head high.

What a horrible man.
Shame that you apologised to him, but too late now, just don’t engage any further and put this right out of your mind: he’s not worthy of space in your head.