OLD guy has said we’re not sexually compatible

[Feelinghumiliated]

I’m feeling very raw today, see username (created for this thread, I am a longtime MN poster)

I’ve done OLD on and off for a few years since divorce and had some fun times as well as a couple of longer term boyfriends from it.

I had a couple of dates with a guy from an app and met him for a third date for an evening drink on Saturday. We really clicked, there was loads of chemistry and we decided to have dinner too. I was happy to go back to his apartment to sleep with him, we were both a bit merry but happy to proceed. We had what I thought was quite a hot, exciting time in bed together but annoyingly I came on during sex and so inevitably there was some blood on the sheets afterwards, I didn’t realise what had happened until afterwards. Of course I apologised but he went into the bathroom to remove condom. We both fell asleep soon afterwards. All seemed ok in the morning, he made coffee and we chatted and cuddled up in bed but he had to get going for lunch with his family. I thought we left on a nice note, nice kiss and “see you soon”. He messaged shortly after I left saying that it had been great to see me, I had that lovely warm feeling for the rest of the afternoon.

This is the humiliating bit, I messaged him last night to say that I had really enjoyed being with him and when could we get together again for a date. He got back to me this morning with a total shit sandwich, “you’re a wonderful woman, so interesting and warm BUT (here goes) the blood was a turn off and I also didn’t like the way you touched my hair during sex, I am not a baby. I’m happy to see you again as a friend but not as a date.”

I was totally gutted. I have never had a response like that from a man I’ve had sex with, it actually made me feel sick. I wrote back and apologised and explained and even reassured him that I don’t have any STIs (ss to him some recent sexual health check results), he responded by saying - don’t worry about it, we’re just not compatible in bed.

WTF? How do I get past this? It’s blindsided me.

What a prick. Block him.

I'd be dying of humiliation too - and something similar to this has happened to me in the past. But it's him who's the arsehole here and definitely not you.

Also, as others have said, OLD is full of the absolute worst type of men. Every time I try and engage with it, I get loads of messages from sleazy men who clearly just either want to get laid or not even that, they want a bit of dirty chat and a wank. I am definitely not providing either.

It amazes me that anyone has any successful relationships from OLD. I suppose it's a numbers game but one I just can't bring myself to play.

Dodged a bullet there. I was with someone for the first time and we had to stop when I started my period during sex as 'it was putting him off'. I didn't see him again.

He was honest.

He had a boundary (or two), and you crossed them. He then said that he didn't want to meet you again because of his boundaries being crossed.

That's absolute honesty. You know exactly where you stand. I wish more men were like this!

He sounds like a big stupid babyman and should be regarded as such.

I bet he'd have been up for anal though which is waaay more icky than period blood. The OLD creeps usually are.

WEES, it’s not you, it’s him. Ffs he can’t cope with periods and ok he didn’t like having his hair touched but he could have told you that at the time. What a tosser. Please block him and don’t let him destroy your confidence

Why are you giving him any headspace? His immaturity at dealing with something so natural is a huge flag. TBH i would treat it as him doing you a favour. You arent compatible, big deal. At least you havent wasted too much time on him.

Then why didn't he tell op his boundaries were being crossed at the time?

It didn't stop him getting his rocks off did it ?
He sounds like a selfish prick to me .

I’m quite tickled that someone’s impressed by his boundaries. It’s not good boundaries if you quietly put up with something in the moment and then avoid them in the hope of never confronting it again. It’s kind of the opposite.

So if you went on a date and had sex and afterwards you said you'd like another one but the guy/girl said 'no thanks you're just really ugly, your nose is too big and I prefer bigger tits' you'd thank them for their honesty instead of thinking 'what a nasty prick?'

My response would have been:
"I beg to differ. I feel you are a baby if you can't cope with a little menstrual blood. I think you're right about the sexual incompatibility though. I like guys who are a little larger down there"

You sent TWO grovelling apologies to a hump and dump merchant.

This reeks of low self esteem. Men of this type will hone in on that.

This is a blessing in disguise. If his approach to sexual compatibility is to bail at the first (minor) hurdle rather than communicating that he doesn't like to have his hair touched but prefers xyz, imagine all the other communication issues you'd have further down the line.

Major turn off.

As is acting like the blood was somehow relevant to your compatibility when it obviously was not part of the plan!

horseyhorsey has it on the head

Oh my god, what an absolutely prick. I bled one of the first few times I had sex with DP. I said sorry, your bed looks a bit like a crime scene and he laughed, gave me a cuddle and then stuck the sheets in the wash while I was in the shower… like surely any grown up man would do! Oh the irony of him telling you he’s not a baby 🙄

Do not waste another second even thinking about this dickhead, you had a lucky escape x

No, it's not ok to say 'why didn't you say something at the time?'

There are many reasons why you might not say something at the time. I have certainly had sex many times where I wasn't really quite enjoying it but I didn't say anything. And I've had sex lots of times where I changed my mind afterwards about how much I enjoyed it.

And I don't think you will but PLEASE don't message him anything about his size. The cycle of toxic masculinity that is perpetuated by this focus on dick size only comes back to damage women in the long run. Take the high ground.

Yeah, there was nothing for you to apologise for.

A thumbs up emoji response was as much as it warranted.

Yes, absolutely!

No, that's not ok. You shouldn't shame men based on their penis size. Imagine if a man shamed a woman based on her breast size just for a cheap shot.

I'd add an addendum to my earlier reply

" oh and I usually finds it quite easy to come but I've clearly been lucky to have slept with men that understand the female anatomy . If it helps you out in future I could send you a diagram "

At least he has been honest about what the problem is for him. He would have been a whole lot of trouble if the relationship had gone further though as he can't accept a bodily function you can't control. I bet he would be hard to live with and imagine what would have happened if you had a baby with him and he was in the delivery room to see the aftermath of blood or watching as the baby came out! He obviously has a very set idea of what he wants from a woman so I think you dodged a bullet.

So what? He's just shamed her about her period for a cheap shot. She doesn't have to take the moral high ground if she doesn't want to. And tbh there are bigger problems in the world than men being angsty about their penis size.

workshy46 · Today 13:35

ghosting would not have been better.
FGS this man literally got to see you fully naked and enjoy your body but you still get (presumably male) posters like Helpmepleaseimbusy · Today 13:51

who thinks that after having had full sexual intercourse with a woman, not only is being rude about that woman absolutely fine but it would also be totally understandable if he failed to communicate at all like the woman is some kind of free facility you take advantage of like some kind of free vending machine.

Its kind of pathetic that there are so so many men out there in online dating and generally who have so little social skills and ability to relate to another human being that they are fine to put their penis in another person but asking that they are honest and humble enough to politely and with respect say they don't think they want to take it further but they enjoyed the persons company that night and thank you even (!) - nope. As per Helpmepleaseimbusy · Today 13:51

millions of men just treat the woman like shit because they have zero human skills to do what a decent person would do.