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Original poster

Well it's happened as predicted and I'm so sad for my lovely friend

412 replies

fandom · 04/09/2023 19:30

My best friend who I've been close to for over twenty years got into a relationship a few years ago.
He was made up as he has very little interest on sex and she accepted it.
He told her from the beginning that he never wanted children and that he probably wouldn't be able to creat a baby such was his disinterest in sex. She told him at the beginning that she wanted children more than anything in the world.
A couple of years passed. He continued to live like a man with no commitments .. constant nights out, holidays and weekends away. She was always waiting in the wings.
He is wealthy and comes from a loving and close family . She is the opposite. He said he would never be getting married. Just isnt for him.
I felt he was leading her on a bit and told him so. I also suggested that if she wanted a baby that much that she would make it happen regardless. He said she'd changed her mind and didn't want a baby after all ! He didn't like it and we drifted for a few weeks. That was a few years ago. All perfect since.
I was always worried that she would get pregnant against his expressed wishes as I knew how much she wanted a baby and how much he didn't and Lo and behold she is.
He is shocked. Idiot fell for the withdrawal method that she told him was 99% effective. He doesn't even understand how this happened .
She is now pushing for marriage. He says no way.
I am gutted for him. He looks so blank and pale. I really don't trust her at all.

OP posts:
Mycatisthebestever · 04/09/2023 19:35

Well he obviously has an interest in sex as she is pregnant. 😂I don't think it is really your business to trust her or not. It is between him and her.

BeeBelle16 · 04/09/2023 19:36

Surely he should take responsibility for his own contraception if he didn't want children

Man gets woman pregnant in no contraception shocker!!!

I have actually very little sympathy when people say they have "no idea how it happened" when they/their sexual partner becomes pregnant

Wealthy parents and they couldn't plough any money into a decent education with some biology or sex Ed?

Redshoeblueshoe · 04/09/2023 19:37

Sorry - what the hell has this got to do with you ?

Jibo · 04/09/2023 19:38

Your friend has treated this woman poorly, taking advantage of her neediness to have everything on his terms (or so he thought until now). Not so lovely if you ask me. Hopefully his close and loving family will extend their warmth to their grandchild when it arrives.

BeeBelle16 · 04/09/2023 19:38

Also why do you care/so invested do you have feelings there?

He's made his choices!! Now he needs ti accept them!

Gymmum82 · 04/09/2023 19:42

She told him she wanted children. He’s led her on if anything. Obviously she was going to get pregnant and if he didn’t want her to he should have take appropriate precautions. He can’t be that not in to sex! If he doesn’t want to get married that’s up to him. But he has an obligation to at least pay for the child even if he doesn’t want anything to do with it. You never know it might be the making of him. He sounds pretty selfish

GreenClock · 04/09/2023 19:43

It does not seem that he’s been mendacious. He told her where he stood. He was clear.

Or was he? He lied to you about being asexual, after all. Perhaps he actually didn’t make it plain, and led her to believe that he might change his mind about ttc one day.

SuperNoodleDoodle · 04/09/2023 19:44

Idiot fell for the withdrawal method

Literally just this.
A grown man, who is adamant he doesn't want children, should be taking responsibility for his own contraception.
She can tell him anything she likes - a quick Google should've put him right.

Luana1 · 04/09/2023 19:44

This is so weird, why do you know so much about your friend’s sex life? He obviously lied to you though if his partner is pregnant - also who cares if you trust her or not, are you jealous?

AllOfThemWitches · 04/09/2023 19:45

What do you mean 'fell for the withdrawal method?' In what way was she tricking him?

WhineyVaginey · 04/09/2023 19:45

😂 reads like the crappy Spanish telenova dramas my 15 yr old is addicted to.
Your "friend" doesn't have to get married. He doesn't even have to set eyes on the baby. But he will have to pay child maintenance, because despite his disinterest in sex, he's made a baby.

Tell him not to feel too bad, sure it's as easy as getting your feet wet for some😁

Mortimermay · 04/09/2023 19:45

Are you being serious saying he doesn't know how this happened? As a grown adult, are you saying it was entirely up to his partner to explain that having sex without contraception might result in pregnancy and that he genuinely didn't know this?
The description of lovely friend really does not fit with how you have described him. It reads to me as though he found someone he could be in a relationship with that he could essentially treat like dirt. Have sex occasionally if he felt like it, not have any demands for commitment placed on him e.g. marriage and children and also continue to live life as he saw fit and as if he was single. He sounds awful and his partner deserved far better.

Nonplusultra · 04/09/2023 19:46

How did the wicked woman keep the poor man away from all sources of information on contraception? witchcraft ?

Original poster
fandom · 04/09/2023 19:47

He is my closest friend, that's why I'm upset for him. Would you not be upset for your closest friend if that happened for them, seeing how distraught they are?

OP posts:
Doggymummar · 04/09/2023 19:47

Never heard of vasectomies, poor love my heart bleeds

LIZS · 04/09/2023 19:47

So he could have got the snip but he chose not to and carry on regardless. Is he really that naive? Or might he be secretly happy and feel awkward having told you otherwise? What is it to you?

AllOfThemWitches · 04/09/2023 19:48

fandom · 04/09/2023 19:47

He is my closest friend, that's why I'm upset for him. Would you not be upset for your closest friend if that happened for them, seeing how distraught they are?

Nah

Original poster
fandom · 04/09/2023 19:48

Why would he feel awkward? I've known him half my life.

OP posts:
Redshoeblueshoe · 04/09/2023 19:48

OH bless, he's distraught. How do you feel about your closest friend treating a woman like dirt ? Or is that OK ?

ItsADoggieDogWorld · 04/09/2023 19:49

fandom · 04/09/2023 19:30

My best friend who I've been close to for over twenty years got into a relationship a few years ago.
He was made up as he has very little interest on sex and she accepted it.
He told her from the beginning that he never wanted children and that he probably wouldn't be able to creat a baby such was his disinterest in sex. She told him at the beginning that she wanted children more than anything in the world.
A couple of years passed. He continued to live like a man with no commitments .. constant nights out, holidays and weekends away. She was always waiting in the wings.
He is wealthy and comes from a loving and close family . She is the opposite. He said he would never be getting married. Just isnt for him.
I felt he was leading her on a bit and told him so. I also suggested that if she wanted a baby that much that she would make it happen regardless. He said she'd changed her mind and didn't want a baby after all ! He didn't like it and we drifted for a few weeks. That was a few years ago. All perfect since.
I was always worried that she would get pregnant against his expressed wishes as I knew how much she wanted a baby and how much he didn't and Lo and behold she is.
He is shocked. Idiot fell for the withdrawal method that she told him was 99% effective. He doesn't even understand how this happened .
She is now pushing for marriage. He says no way.
I am gutted for him. He looks so blank and pale. I really don't trust her at all.

Your friend sounds like a horror. He should know how biology works. If he didn't want a baby he should have used a condom or got a vasectomy.
I hope he's not going to be trying to persuade this poor woman to have an abortion. He needs to take responsibility for his child and provide. I have no sympathy for him whatsoever.

BeeBelle16 · 04/09/2023 19:49

Ha! NO! I'd say bloody hell mate did you not think to wear a jonny!

Original poster
fandom · 04/09/2023 19:49

It's not ok and we did have words. She chose to stay and he chose to stay. That's the bottom line.

OP posts:
Riverlee · 04/09/2023 19:50

“He continued to live like a man with no commitments .. constant nights out, holidays and weekends away. “

This stood out to me. He basically wanted to be young, free and single with a girlfriend (without benefits).

The girlfriend mentioned that the withdrawal method was 99% effective. That leaves a 1% chance of getting pregnant, and lo and behold, that’s what happened.

I can tell you think she has tricked him into getting pregnant. Maybe yes, but maybe no. However, without contraception, he must know pregnancy is a possibility. If you’ve been friends for over twenty years, he’s hardly a youngster.

romdowa · 04/09/2023 19:50

If he didn't want children and has plenty money as you say , they why didn't he get the snip?
Your reaction to this is odd too. If a mate rang me and told me he'd gotten caught by pulling out, I'd laugh at him for being so dumb 🤣

samuelclemens · 04/09/2023 19:50

how was he ‘tricked’ into getting her pregnant exactly?? He knew she wasn’t using contraception and yet he gladly had unprotected sex with her.

The whole ‘not interested in sex’ thing obviously not true either