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Original poster

Well it's happened as predicted and I'm so sad for my lovely friend

412 replies

fandom · 04/09/2023 19:30

My best friend who I've been close to for over twenty years got into a relationship a few years ago.
He was made up as he has very little interest on sex and she accepted it.
He told her from the beginning that he never wanted children and that he probably wouldn't be able to creat a baby such was his disinterest in sex. She told him at the beginning that she wanted children more than anything in the world.
A couple of years passed. He continued to live like a man with no commitments .. constant nights out, holidays and weekends away. She was always waiting in the wings.
He is wealthy and comes from a loving and close family . She is the opposite. He said he would never be getting married. Just isnt for him.
I felt he was leading her on a bit and told him so. I also suggested that if she wanted a baby that much that she would make it happen regardless. He said she'd changed her mind and didn't want a baby after all ! He didn't like it and we drifted for a few weeks. That was a few years ago. All perfect since.
I was always worried that she would get pregnant against his expressed wishes as I knew how much she wanted a baby and how much he didn't and Lo and behold she is.
He is shocked. Idiot fell for the withdrawal method that she told him was 99% effective. He doesn't even understand how this happened .
She is now pushing for marriage. He says no way.
I am gutted for him. He looks so blank and pale. I really don't trust her at all.

OP posts:
Luana1 · 04/09/2023 20:44

fandom · 04/09/2023 19:49

It's not ok and we did have words. She chose to stay and he chose to stay. That's the bottom line.

So she has decided to stay and he has also decided to stay - that sounds like they will be moving forward as a family unit. Why are you so sad for your friend? Lots of people, both men and women are a bit shell shocked when they first learn that they will be a parent, but they fact they are making a go of things and have been together for years makes me think they are a lot more solid that you would like to think. Are you worried that the friendship between you and your friend will now change?

Still don't get why you said you don't trust her - doesn't sound like she has done anything particularly wrong - unless your friend has a learning disability you haven't mentioned and they have no idea how biology works? Also why do you trust or not trust her anyway, I can't see how this really affect you.

MadamWhiteleigh · 04/09/2023 20:44

If he is so anti-children, then one would think he’d be a lot more careful.

TeenLifeMum · 04/09/2023 20:45

So he had unprotected sex with full consent but it’s the manipulative woman’s fault? Right…

pointythings · 04/09/2023 20:45

If he really didn't want kids, he should have got the snip. Simple as that. Especially since he knew she wanted a baby - he had fair warning.

Men need to take responsibility for their contraception and not whine when there are consequences if they don't.

millymog11 · 04/09/2023 20:45

Such a weird original post which begs so many questions. On first reading I wondered

  • is the person writing this post actually the man who has been "tricked" and is now the father of a child he does not want?
  • is the person writing this post actually the woman who "tricked" the man by becoming pregnant?
  • if neither of the above, the writer is obviously in love with the man in question for some reason (who knows why, he does not sound like he has much going for him apart from the family money the OP says he has if you consider that to be important then he ticks that box)
  • if it is the above and the writer is in love with the man, then there are a load of questions around how is it your business if you are not involved

Whatever the situation, even if he does look "blank and pale" at this news then unlike millions of other couples in this situation, as he is so wealthy he can just tell the pregnant lady he does not want to be involved in the baby's life, pay child maintenance and then move on with some other woman who does not want children. It sounds like the lady in question was hanging around for a baby not for her relationship with this man in any event? Far more straight forward than many other equivalent situations??

Missingmyusername · 04/09/2023 20:46

Why on earth was she with him / he with her? They don’t sound matched at all. He loved the single life and clearly got his Willy wet at some point. It’s going to be the most expensive shag of his life.
Did he not understand the withdrawal method would likely result in a baby fgs?!
It’s difficult to feel empathy for someone who has been so stupid!

Sounds like she put up with being treated like shit to me! 😕 Perhaps loved him, desperately wanted a child and thought it’s now or never, he will change, who knows.

It’s the baby I feel sorry for.

HelterSkelter224 · 04/09/2023 20:46

If he doesn't know how things work with the birds and the bees then he deserves no pity. It's the girlfriend I feel sorry for in this scenario.

OP this is really none of your business at all.

Scirocco · 04/09/2023 20:47

"He doesn't understand how this happened..."?

Well, when a man and a woman like each other very much, and have a special cuddle...

He's a grown man. He knows how this happened. It happened by him choosing to have sex without having taken sufficient precautions to ensure he couldn't get someone pregnant. Had he not heard of condoms, vasectomies...?

Siestamama · 04/09/2023 20:47

This thread is hilarious 😂😂🍿

Sallyh87 · 04/09/2023 20:47

@fandom, you are way too involved with this couples business. He is an adult, he surely understands that this not a reliable contraception method.

Why do you care?

Missingmyusername · 04/09/2023 20:47

“It's the girlfriend I feel sorry for in this scenario”. She got what she wanted.

Dymaxion · 04/09/2023 20:47

Is he distraught about the idea of being a Father or being a Father to her child ?

It doesn't sound as though he loves her ?, was she just a useful 'for now shag' who he was going to string along until he decided he did want children, then he would dump her, find a younger, better suited model to marry and procreate with ?
What does his close and loving family make of his extrodinary behaviour ?

babbscrabbs · 04/09/2023 20:48

fandom · 04/09/2023 19:30

My best friend who I've been close to for over twenty years got into a relationship a few years ago.
He was made up as he has very little interest on sex and she accepted it.
He told her from the beginning that he never wanted children and that he probably wouldn't be able to creat a baby such was his disinterest in sex. She told him at the beginning that she wanted children more than anything in the world.
A couple of years passed. He continued to live like a man with no commitments .. constant nights out, holidays and weekends away. She was always waiting in the wings.
He is wealthy and comes from a loving and close family . She is the opposite. He said he would never be getting married. Just isnt for him.
I felt he was leading her on a bit and told him so. I also suggested that if she wanted a baby that much that she would make it happen regardless. He said she'd changed her mind and didn't want a baby after all ! He didn't like it and we drifted for a few weeks. That was a few years ago. All perfect since.
I was always worried that she would get pregnant against his expressed wishes as I knew how much she wanted a baby and how much he didn't and Lo and behold she is.
He is shocked. Idiot fell for the withdrawal method that she told him was 99% effective. He doesn't even understand how this happened .
She is now pushing for marriage. He says no way.
I am gutted for him. He looks so blank and pale. I really don't trust her at all.

Why are you gutted for him? Because he's stupid?

LadyGAgain · 04/09/2023 20:51

So he didn't want kids.
He had unprotected sex and that's her fault?
Do me a favour OP.
I hope she has enough love for herself and the baby to leave. Get the maintenance as he helped create this life.
Honestly the excuses people make for men.

LylaLee · 04/09/2023 20:51

Scirocco · 04/09/2023 20:47

"He doesn't understand how this happened..."?

Well, when a man and a woman like each other very much, and have a special cuddle...

He's a grown man. He knows how this happened. It happened by him choosing to have sex without having taken sufficient precautions to ensure he couldn't get someone pregnant. Had he not heard of condoms, vasectomies...?

Ikr

"I never want a child!"

A half an hour appointment and it's done. Vasectomy = he would never have had to worry about creating a child.

Willy in = baby.

It's not complicated.

Dragonsandcats · 04/09/2023 20:51

Sounds like you never liked her, and were happy for your friend to treat her like dirt. He’s an idiot though if he didn’t realise the withdrawal method wasn’t 99% effective

VeridicalVagabond · 04/09/2023 20:52

Friend is grown adult man who doesn't know that the pullout method is not actually a method of contraception.

Friend is a man adamant he doesn't want children but hasn't had a vasectomy and continues to have unprotected sex.

Friend strings along woman who does want children and marriage for years.

Friend is surprised unprotected sex leads to baby.

Friend is already shaping up to be a useless father because really, men like this rarely make good parents.

Sorry OP but your friend is a bit of a cock really in this situation. The woman was a bit of an idiot too because I'm sure she'll be all shocked that he doesn't step up to the plate and leaves her as a single mother, she's chosen to reproduce with a poor specimen, but on the whole I'd say your friend comes across far worse in this story.

almostoverthehill · 04/09/2023 20:52

fandom · 04/09/2023 20:00

WTF have I just read Shock

Show quote history

That’s exactly what a lot of us thought on initially reading your post!

TheRealLilyMunster · 04/09/2023 20:52

Sounds like your friend has been having his cake and eating it, and it has finally bitten him on the arse.

He knows full well she wants kids. He doesn't want kids, lives the life of a single man and continues to string her along and have unprotected sex with her.

How did he think that was all going to work out for him?

Susuwatariandkodama · 04/09/2023 20:53

Your closest friend is an idiot and doesn’t sound lovely at all, being in a relationship yet acting single? I feel sorry for the woman who has now tied herself to him for life!

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 04/09/2023 20:53

I'm sorry, I might be being thick (and tell 'em if I am) but he shoved his cock in a woman and is surprised she got pregnant?

BarelyLiterate · 04/09/2023 20:54

With respect, OP, I really don’t think your ‘best friend’ has been entirely honest with you about his sex life with his partner. They were obviously shagging a lot more than he chose to tell you, for whatever reason. I very much doubt you are getting the full story here.

ThereIbledit · 04/09/2023 20:55

Such a weird thread.

It's not entrapment. He knowingly had unprotected sex with somebody who he knew likely would want to keep any pregnancy if it did occur.

And you can feel sad for him that his life didn't pan out as childless as he intended, but it would be more believable if you also felt a bit "eye-rolley" that a grown and supposedly intelligent man has got himself into this situation.

givemeasunnyday · 04/09/2023 20:55

fandom · 04/09/2023 19:47

He is my closest friend, that's why I'm upset for him. Would you not be upset for your closest friend if that happened for them, seeing how distraught they are?

It wouldn't "happen" to my closest friend as he was clued up enough to have a vasectomy to avoid this. It didn't "happen" to your friend either, he let it happen.

Your friend sounds like an absolute twit, and you are far too invested in this. It is up to him and his gf to sort out, nothing whatsoever to do with you. Honestly, you make him sound like a young teenager who doesn't have a clue - hardly what I would call a prize.

5128gap · 04/09/2023 20:55

The fact that this woman wanted a baby is entirely irrelevant given that one thing women can't be held responsible for is the failure of the withdrawal method. Your friends choice of contraception was foolish, and his execution poor. That's entirely on him.