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Original poster

Well it's happened as predicted and I'm so sad for my lovely friend

412 replies

fandom · 04/09/2023 19:30

My best friend who I've been close to for over twenty years got into a relationship a few years ago.
He was made up as he has very little interest on sex and she accepted it.
He told her from the beginning that he never wanted children and that he probably wouldn't be able to creat a baby such was his disinterest in sex. She told him at the beginning that she wanted children more than anything in the world.
A couple of years passed. He continued to live like a man with no commitments .. constant nights out, holidays and weekends away. She was always waiting in the wings.
He is wealthy and comes from a loving and close family . She is the opposite. He said he would never be getting married. Just isnt for him.
I felt he was leading her on a bit and told him so. I also suggested that if she wanted a baby that much that she would make it happen regardless. He said she'd changed her mind and didn't want a baby after all ! He didn't like it and we drifted for a few weeks. That was a few years ago. All perfect since.
I was always worried that she would get pregnant against his expressed wishes as I knew how much she wanted a baby and how much he didn't and Lo and behold she is.
He is shocked. Idiot fell for the withdrawal method that she told him was 99% effective. He doesn't even understand how this happened .
She is now pushing for marriage. He says no way.
I am gutted for him. He looks so blank and pale. I really don't trust her at all.

OP posts:
Blueink · 05/09/2023 23:31

pollymere · 05/09/2023 21:19

I'm so sorry your asexual friend got pushed into having sex to presumably keep someone he cares about.

Practically, any sex could result in pregnancy and I suspect a financial contribution will be required. I would be getting him to ask her if she really wants a sexless marriage or she just wanted to use him because she's in love with the idea of marriage and a baby despite knowing he wanted neither of those things? He's been used and betrayed and sadly should probably cut ties. It would be interesting to see how it panned out financially if your friend suggested entrapment and having made it clear he didn't want children. And definitely get a paternity test. You rarely get pregnant after one time (yes, it does happen and I have a DS from it) but the older you get the more unlikely this is.

He's definitely going to need you so much right now 😥

This post is possibly as weird as the OP “I suspect a financial contribution will be required”. No shit Sherlock.

OPs friend has a legal responsibility and will be laughed out of court for allegations of entrapment when he’s simply been reckless.

Something is off, the OP is over invested, the friend is spinning yarns about his relationship, but OP has lost interest and so should we.

FedUpWithEverything123 · 06/09/2023 00:02

He is shocked. Idiot fell for the withdrawal method that she told him was 99% effective.
He doesn't even understand how this happened

Speechless

pollymere · 06/09/2023 00:36

@Tessabelle74 I'm not the OP ... Sorry to disappoint. I've posted on here lots and my username is the same. I'm clearly in the minority 😂

SemynonA · 06/09/2023 03:46

ElizaAgainn · 05/09/2023 18:36

Absolutely agree - he made it plain to her he didnt want any - so the onus is basically on her. I know that on any thread where a woman has gotten herself pregnant without having agreed it first with the man - and then proceeds to have and keep the child that most of the people that reply will be women. Most of them will reply as a "woman", rather than as a "person" iyswim. I've watched it happen so many times on so many threads on so many forums - and most women act like women (rather than a fair-minded person) and won't see the mans pov at all and they do a pile-on against him. I'm a woman - but I do know for a child to be conceived both people involved should agree to it - and it should not be a unilateral decision by the woman. I expect he'll learn to be a lot more cynical now about just how determined some women can be to get their own way that they will pull that stunt on an unwary man. Very very obviously indeed he must NOT marry her - as she's clearly proven herself untrustworthy already and that is no basis for a marriage and there's every chance she'd pull that stunt again (ie to get another child that he hadnt agreed to).

Show quote history

Having unprotected sex was agreeing.

He knew she was not on oral contraception and he didn't use contraception himself.
He knew she wanted children and he did not but he still didn't use contraception.

He just didn't resist the temptation of having his cake and eating it if I may...

SemynonA · 06/09/2023 04:04

ZoeCM · 05/09/2023 11:59

OP, if this is for real, you're an enabler. You're infantilising your friend. How on Earth can a man who doesn't have learning disabilies fail to understand how the withdrawal method resulted in pregnancy?

I'm not surprised he looks "blank", he's got nothing between his ears.

Loved it!

From OP's perspective on him, he's more nasty than what she even left us to read about: He sold her his victimised and fantasised version of himself for her to worship, the same way he strung along the woman he now has impregnated, he has strung along OP in his fantasised self to feel good about what he was doing.

OP, that man you described, I can feel who you believe you're defending, but he doesn't exist, he's the fantasy he sold you for you to provide him supply.

That man only loves himself.

blahblahblah1654 · 06/09/2023 04:25

If he didn't want kids he should have wrapped it. What an idiot

Darlingx · 06/09/2023 07:28

It’s such a get out clause isn’t it ride the sex rollercoaster with all it’s highs orgasm, ejaculation with a rock steady commited partner but enjoy the bachelor lifestyle of endless holidays & nights out and unprotected sex as preference to a sheath or snip . The reality is this type of man who is saying one thing and doing the opposite he is not behaving as one should in a committed relationship . He thinks he’s a catch from a wealthy loving family lucky him his Dad stepped up to the plate so what’s his excuse. I am so sick of men taking women up the dead end avenue and wasting their fertile years. There should be a toll to pay for treating women like nothing more than a sex mat then proclaiming no interest in the act of procreation that’s what he is really telling you . Sex as recreation yes procreation no. Well mother nature says otherwise if you don’t put a hat on it . Lucky the man child won’t have to carry the child in his body, nuture it or go through child birth even yet society can label him a father but what kind of parent will he be he might have a girl and the cycle continues she will except crap terms and conditions from a non committed bf and the friend of bf will judge her background as not so great as in not wealthy loving parents etc

GilbertMarkham · 06/09/2023 07:42

SemynonA · 06/09/2023 04:04

Loved it!

From OP's perspective on him, he's more nasty than what she even left us to read about: He sold her his victimised and fantasised version of himself for her to worship, the same way he strung along the woman he now has impregnated, he has strung along OP in his fantasised self to feel good about what he was doing.

OP, that man you described, I can feel who you believe you're defending, but he doesn't exist, he's the fantasy he sold you for you to provide him supply.

That man only loves himself.

Show quote history

Yep.

User1789 · 06/09/2023 08:13

I'm a woman - but I do know for a child to be conceived both people involved should agree to it - and it should not be a unilateral decision by the woman.

But if you are a woman you will also know that conception doesn't occur via 'agreement' it occurs via a biological process. Women are acutely aware that conception, pregnancy and childbirth happen with or without conscious decision of the fact, and insisting on the creation of a scenario under which there is no consequence for a man sticking his dick into a woman and ejaculating without the use of contraception, is simply not possible.

InTheTreeHouse · 06/09/2023 09:16

Are you still reading OP?

MumGMT · 06/09/2023 09:32

@ElizaAgainn
there's every chance she'd pull that stunt again (ie to get another child that he hadnt agreed to).

What stunt did she pull? They've been having unprotected sex using the withdrawal method.

WeeMary · 06/09/2023 09:38

You sound like an over possessive mother who has an unhealthy interest in her son's sex life

GilbertMarkham · 06/09/2023 10:11

I'm a woman - but I do know for a child to be conceived both people involved should agree to it - and it should not be a unilateral decision by the woman.

This wasn't a unilateral decision by the woman.

It was a bilateral agreement to risk pregnancy by having penetrative sex and using only the withdrawal method.

Both man and woman agreed to risk pregnancy by doing this.

Not sure what's difficult to understand about this.

GilbertMarkham · 06/09/2023 10:15

And ateotd all penetrative sex has a risk of pregnancy.

Some women's bodies have been proven to undermine the pill.

Condoms break.

The map sometimes fails.

No method is 100% effective.

Pregnancy is a risk of penetrative sex.

A woman can't take a unilateral decision; if a man chooses to have penetrative sex, he's risking pregnancy too.

If he doesn't understand that, he's not mature enough to be having sex.

MargotBamborough · 06/09/2023 10:17

Ultimately, if one person in a relationship wants a child and the other doesn't, one of those people is not going to get their way.

If the woman is the one who wants a baby, then unless the man gets a vasectomy or is vigilant about using condoms every single time, it is most likely going to be the woman who gets her way.

To be honest if you are a man who doesn't want kids then I think it is very selfish to stay with a woman you know wants kids, depriving her of the opportunity to have them with someone else, and very stupid to have unprotected sex with her because if you are the one who doesn't want kids it is your responsibility to use contraception.

Feverly · 06/09/2023 10:19

Why is this thread still dragging on? OP isn’t bothering to reply.

GilbertMarkham · 06/09/2023 10:21

I think because the "trapped!" theme always causes passionate debate.

KAT0779 · 06/09/2023 11:00

Both as bad as each other by the sound of it.

19lottie82 · 06/09/2023 11:23

even young teenagers know the withdrawal method is in no way reliable!
if he didn’t want a baby he should at the very minimum used a condom.

I wouldn’t feel sorry for him, he’s an idiot.

MumGMT · 06/09/2023 13:49

@MargotBamborough

To be honest if you are a man who doesn't want kids then I think it is very selfish to stay with a woman you know wants kids, depriving her of the opportunity to have them with someone else, and very stupid to have unprotected sex with her because if you are the one who doesn't want kids it is your responsibility to use contraception.

I disagree with the first part because they both chose to start a relationship knowing about this fundamental incompatibility.
But completely agree that it was stupid to have unprotected sex with her.

Hidinginplainsightnow · 06/09/2023 17:02

So your friend’s partner told him the withdrawal method was safe & he BELIEVED her?? Wow, hope the baby takes after the mother….

Flippingnora100 · 06/09/2023 17:14

While I agree that in his case, it’s a bit like feeling sorry for yourself that you’ve knowingly punched yourself in the face, I just wanted to point out that asexual doesn’t necessarily mean the person has no sex ever. There are asexual people who have sex because their partner wants to, some who do it occasionally and some who never do. There’s a whole range of preferences within the term ‘asexual.’ So, he’s not necessarily lying about that.

MadMadaMim · 06/09/2023 17:49

Not your business

Hopefully she'll have a lucky escape - you both sound awful.

You have no idea how she got pregnant - however it happened, it took 2 of them and they're both adults. If he knows he never wants children, why is he having unprotected sex? And giving up work to avoid his obligations??? She's well rid, TBH.

Best wishes to her.

BeMoreBarbie · 06/09/2023 18:01

He doesn't sound a catch at all. He fell for the withdrawal method? Did he (assuming he has more than one brain cell or has done even the basic sex ed at school, he'd know this is stupid) or did he tell her he "doesn't like" condoms?

He's carried on living a single life effectively telling her he isn't that bothered about her for years and for some reason she has stayed but she's the one that can't be trusted? Poor lady. I hope she sees sense and leaves.

MargotBamborough · 06/09/2023 18:54

The withdrawal method isn't a method. It's just having unprotected sex.