I feel like I’m with a monster

[Imdone1]

Please don’t judge me, I know what he is and I am going to make plans to leave him. He was nothing like this when I first met him, if I knew he had this in him I wouldn’t have gone anywhere near him.

We have 2 DC. DS1 is 7 and DS2 is 2.5. We suspect DS2 is autistic and have been told to expect a diagnosis for him in the future.

Long story short, he (not calling him dp) was upstairs getting changed from his work uniform into his football kit. Surely this takes like 5 minutes max? But no, he was still upstairs 25 minutes later. This is nothing new, I am used to him taking the piss. After coming into the living room from making the kids tea, I see that DS2 has broken the lamp. I shout up to DP to tell him, he comes running down the stairs, hits DS2 on the bum that hard he goes flying. Then he starts screaming at me saying it’s my fault for not watching him. But how can I when the kids wanted their tea? I told him I can’t be in two places at once and that if he wasn’t sitting upstairs on his phone he could have been watching dc and the lamp wouldn’t have been broken.

He left for football around half an hour ago and I told him not to come back. He texted me 10 minutes ago saying he feels horrible but he’s stressed and things shouldn’t be broken. I have the kids 24/7, I’m stressed too but I’ve never reacted like that. And things shouldn’t be broken no but try teaching that to a child who can’t communicate.

I have seen another side to him tonight that I hate. How dare he act how he did😞

Has he left a mark op? Can you take a pic and report it to the police, I pretty much guarantee you’ll appreciate being able to use this as evidence in the future. And of course it’s unacceptable to viciously assault a small child in this way! He wasn’t trying to be naughty, and instead of being helped by his father he got attacked and you got the blame for it!! 😡😡

@User13579367337 No mark, his nappy and pants will have stopped that. He went flying though my poor little boy😞 I have explained to him in the past that DS has autism, you can’t explain good/bad behaviour to him, he doesn’t understand

He wouldn't get back in my house,he's physically abused your boy,the only place he should go is to prison!

@Itstimetoquit I agree, would be happy if I never saw him again

Ffs I was making dinner myself while scanning mn and completely misread that 🤦🏼‍♀️ I read it as your eldest dc was taking too long to get ready for football, your toddler broke a lamp and your dh lost it and whacked the 7yo. So it was the toddler he knocked flying across the room??!! I’m not sure that age should make a difference, either one could have been seriously hurt by your oh losing his temper this badly, except it really does because small toddlers can and have been killed by a few seconds of this level of violence. This is how shaken baby syndrome happens. I grew up with a mother who used to turn like this. Both my siblings ended up in hospital after she lost her temper for a split second, and she didn’t even really try to hurt them. My sister she threw on the bed when she lost her temper with her, my sister bounced off and broke her arm in 2 places. My brother was misbehaving as bath time and she gave him a bit of a shove, his face hit the taps and he fractured his eye socket. Your dp DELIBERATELY tried to hurt his own child who is little more than a baby. Please do yourself and your children a favour and report this horrible fucker so he knows he won’t be allowed to get away with it again.

why would you then shout upstairs to inform him your son has broken a lamp?
why would you do that? shout? tell? wait for sudden reaction? hitting, screaming,
awful behaviour,

What the fuck? He hit a two year old so hard he went flying and you're hand wringing on here? Come on op. Surely you don't need people to tell you this behaviour is disgusting. If he's abusive to the kids though why did you get him to tell the little one off for accidentally breaking the lamp? Poor children, honestly.

@ThelmaBorden oh bore off. There’s always someone who has to pick tiny little things out. Let’s focus on how I tell him about the lamp but not him hitting my DS. Does it make a difference? Do you get a kick out of making people feel bad even more than they already do?

@Ollifer I didn’t get him to tell the little one off? And I can write what I want. Nothing wrong with offloading is there?

Presumably because she was cooking the family dinner as she stated, and wanted him to get off his fucking phone, pull his finger out of his arse and actually be a little proactive in supervising their two disabled children whilst she was busy? Do you think him assaulting a toddler is acceptable because she told him he’d broken the lamp?

hits DS2 on the bum that hard he goes flying

Whaaaat??!!

Violence is never acceptable. The next time he may hit his head and suffer a bleed. ASD is no excuse. It is hard parenting SEN and disabled children, a partner who would attack a toddler should be locked up. It is your responsibility to prevent serious harm. Call the police.

Nah nothing wrong with offloading but id be putting my energy into getting my poor kids away from their violent father instead tbh.

The poor baby. He hit him so hard that he went flying?
I wouldn't let that monster back into the house!

Oh dear if someone hit my son, I don't think I could hold myself back from battering them myself!

Yes, OP, you must leave. And I'd recommend reporting this to the police. If there's a custody case in the future, better to go in fully armed with evidence.

What do the practicalities look like now? Can he move out?

MN has offered support to many many women escaping violent or difficult relationships. It's one of the main points of the forum really?

Ffs. Some posters are so desperate to get one up on the OP if they can't find anything to criticise it's just criticise them posting in the first place e

@Ollifer he was out so he wasn’t around them anymore and I did say in my op that I am going to make plans to leave him

Has he done this sort of thing before?

This ☝️ Why did you call your partner to “tell him (your toddler)”? I am absolutely not excusing his behaviour, but you wanted him to “tell him” what exactly?

Thanks so far to the supportive comments. Not really sure why I feel I am getting the blame put on me for writing on here. I know what he is, and trust me I am not going to stay with somebody like that. I feel sick. My kids are safe with me. Always have and always will. I just came here for a bit of support as I know there’s a lot of supportive people on here.

@Tiredmum100 No never

I am the child of a former police officer (domestic violence). I have also been a prison visitor including going into one prison that held a infamous baby murderer. All of these outcomes started with a slap. My DD is a psychology PhD. The cases they study are shocking. These things can escalate quickly. I won't sleep tonight thinking about you. Ffs get out of there.

Evening.
We're just bobbing on here to say that we're so sorry to hear you're going through this, OP.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged to us we like to link to our web-guides, which we hope may be helpful. If you'd like to, please do feel free to take a look at our Domestic Violence page.
Very best wishes from all at MNHQ

@AnnieSnap I really don’t understand why this is being picked up on? I told him about the lamp because why I wouldn’t I? Maybe you’ve misread I don’t know but I didn’t say anywhere that I told my “partner” so he could tell DS off?

I would be phoning the police and reporting it as an assault.

@Matchinglipsandfingertips I am going to☹️ I phoned my mum and told her everything. When he goes to work tomorrow I am packing some things up and going there