I feel like I’m with a monster

[Imdone1]

Please don’t judge me, I know what he is and I am going to make plans to leave him. He was nothing like this when I first met him, if I knew he had this in him I wouldn’t have gone anywhere near him.

We have 2 DC. DS1 is 7 and DS2 is 2.5. We suspect DS2 is autistic and have been told to expect a diagnosis for him in the future.

Long story short, he (not calling him dp) was upstairs getting changed from his work uniform into his football kit. Surely this takes like 5 minutes max? But no, he was still upstairs 25 minutes later. This is nothing new, I am used to him taking the piss. After coming into the living room from making the kids tea, I see that DS2 has broken the lamp. I shout up to DP to tell him, he comes running down the stairs, hits DS2 on the bum that hard he goes flying. Then he starts screaming at me saying it’s my fault for not watching him. But how can I when the kids wanted their tea? I told him I can’t be in two places at once and that if he wasn’t sitting upstairs on his phone he could have been watching dc and the lamp wouldn’t have been broken.

He left for football around half an hour ago and I told him not to come back. He texted me 10 minutes ago saying he feels horrible but he’s stressed and things shouldn’t be broken. I have the kids 24/7, I’m stressed too but I’ve never reacted like that. And things shouldn’t be broken no but try teaching that to a child who can’t communicate.

I have seen another side to him tonight that I hate. How dare he act how he did😞

Absolute tosh. Shouting up the stairs for your partner to get off his arse and come downstairs because a lamp has been broken is not shorthand for come downstairs and whack your child so hard across the bottom he’s propelled across the room.

You’re off your rocker, love.

Look at yourself in this as well.
Things So easily can escalate because of mum pressure/partner pressure.

It takes intelligence to look at the clear and honest picture of events, but for you both to learn from this, you need to see the wider angle.

The OP is not the person who assaulted a young child. Save your bile for him instead, yeah?

Nonsense.

This entire relationship is so toxic.

I would be annoyed if my DP was annoyed that I’d taken 25mims to get changed after a long day at work.

I would also be annoyed that my DH shouted upstairs to tell me my child has broken a lamp when he is right there with him and it was either an accident or on purpose, which means the consequences should be immediate (saying it’s wrong to do).

But that’s all irrelevant because what he did was assault the child.

Some people agree with smacking but even then they have limits and a smack would not be hard enough to move them.

His potential autism is irrelevant as autistic kids do know the difference between right and wrong but he’s a little kid!

All little kids make mistakes sometimes and hitting them so hard that they move is awful.

He obviously can’t come back into the house and if any mark comes up then you need to take a photo.

I would then seriously consider having supervised access only as this hit was out of anger that he couldn’t control and I don’t think that’s safe around kids.

OP ignore these posters who say you are also to blame, no you are not! You called up to your husband for help as your toddler had broken the lamp and you were trying to get a meal on the table. You have done nothing wrong and he is solely to blame for his totally over the top reaction when he hit your child. So glad you and the kids are leaving and going to your Mum's.

I've carefully read it twice now, as I became really confused about people talking about the shouting upstairs.

If I've got 3 hazards, a broken lamp, two children, amd presumably hot things in the kitchen, I'm not going to leave any of them without eyes on. I would shout up the stairs to summon assistance whilst keeping an eye on the hazards.

She wasn't summoning him to attack a toddler and I think trying to make that argument is either wilful misunderstanding or baiting for soke kind of...entertainment from her distress? I don't see what the end goal is here.

What are you talking about? Why all the aggressive capitalised 'you'? The OP was supposed to communicate the broken lamp and small children situation while cooking dinner through the medium of semaphore? Interpretative dance?

And there was no "conflict" insofar as there weren't two people disagreeing with each other. There was a big man hitting a tiny child incredibly hard.

Unbelievable.

It's completely normal to discuss the behaviour/incidents with a child with your co-parent or call up if things are going wrong and ask for help.

If you can't maybe look at yourselves as OP has done nothing wrong here.

Ffs. You didn’t cause this, you can’t change it. Ask you can do is control what you do now. Good luck. And some people on here are twats

Ffs there are some dickheads on this thread. OP your instincts are spot on here and I'm very glad you've told your mum.
My own mother slapped my son when he was 6. I slapped her back and never left him alone with my parents again. Not saying you should hit your DP!! And I shouldn't have hit my mother! But I kind of went into autopilot when I saw someone assault my child.
Your partner will not stop at a slap. You are right to make plans to leave. Or is there a way you can turf him out?

Fucking typical of some people, isn't it? A man is violently aggressive, and the woman gets the blame because apparently she made him do it? I despair, I really do.

She's correct. Leave the OP alone!

This relationship very understandably consists of a lot of pressure from both sides and utter knee jerk reactions from BOTH sides.

If anyone can’t be totally honest and see that, then good luck to you all 😊👍

And you need to stop blaming a woman for a man’s violent act.

Nonsense

Op are you saying he's literally never been violent before or smacked the kids? Struggling to imagine someone going from nothing to beating a two year old over an accident ..just doesn't ring right

Just a little thought though. If you leave him then he is going to have unsupervised access to the kids. How will you monitor his temper if you aren’t around?

OP I work as a Domestic Violence Advisor, please get this man out of your home and your children's lives. DV has such an impact on young children, get a support network around you and don't let him manipulate his way back in.

@Ollifer Literally never. Not nice to say but, never when I’ve been there anyway. If he had, I wouldn’t still be with him

Jeez. What is with all the victim blaming here.

It is glaringly obvious that the OP was calling her husband to come downstairs & look after the kids while she was busy in the kitchen, so they didn't hurt themselves on bits of the broken lamp. I don't understand how anyone could interpret what the OP wrote any differently.

Sending best wishes, OP.

Your partner assaulted a toddler.

This isn't time to "make plans" to leave him. It's time to call the police and change the locks.

If someone hit my 2 year old they would never step foot in my home again.

God this is heartbreaking, your poor little boy. You must be feeling really shaken up.

Please report him to the police right away. Don't give him a chance to butter you up and sweep this under the carpet.