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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He bit me

215 replies

Hotpotato23 · 27/08/2023 20:56

My dh and I got into a fight yesterday and it probably got more heated than it should have. The reason was silly and nothing serious overall but I think we were both just tired and stressed out. At some stage during the argument he leaned forward and bit me in my upper arm right below the shoulder. It really hurt and he backed off, but today I have a noticeable bruise and I still find it painful.
We aren't fighting any more, and he did apologise, but he doesn't seem too bothered by the fact that he caused me to bruise.
I don't know what to make of it if I'm honest. I am pissed off of course, but I also think it's such a strange thing that he did. Do people actually do this? I have never deliberately bitten anyone in my whole life!

OP posts:
dothehokeycokey · 28/08/2023 20:57

@Hotpotato23

During or just after pregnancy is very common for d v to start

I would be very concerned that he doesn't seem that fazed by it.

If you don't feel you can call him out on it and show him what he did and get some kind of shocked response from him that means you feel frightened or too intimidated by him and that in itself is abuse.

CrotchetyQuaver · 28/08/2023 21:09

Practicalities
There's nothing really the police can do as there's no independent witness to this assault so ultimately it's your word against his.

What you could do is get it logged and checked at A&E. did he break the skin when he bit you? I know dog bites (on a human) can get infected, on that basis it's possible a human on human bite might also get infected.
I got assaulted in a road rage incident recently, bruising on my arms and back but was more concerned about my head which had been hit more and was very sore and tender. They body mapped my bruises whilst I was there, and told me my sore head was probably concussion. Whole thing took 10 hours, mainly waiting to be seen by the next level medic, so quite an undertaking time wise.

I would also be concerned this is the start of something horrible that's only going to get worse too like other posters

wheresmymojo · 28/08/2023 21:17

FannyFifer · 28/08/2023 19:12

You need to leave this man, he is an absolute animal, this will only get worse.

Worse than an animal. My dog has never, ever bitten me. Most dogs will never, ever bite anyone.

My dog completely accidentally bit me once and she was very sad about it and immediately trying to make it better.

I mean, let's think about that for a second. My dog would recognise this as dangerous and completely unacceptable behaviour...

I grew up around domestic violence so am not easily shocked but this has given me the chills.

Do not let him know you're telling people. If you leave (which you absolutely should), do not let on that you are planning to leave.

You think you know this man but you don't.

He's shown you who he is now and you'll see that person more and more.

I think he's very dangerous.

wheresmymojo · 28/08/2023 21:23

And the fact he's unfazed by what he did...not horrified. Not weeping at being a completely different man than the one he thought he was.

Not distressed at his own ability to physically attack someone he loves...

Well that tells its own story.

He knows what kind of man he is.

This isn't the first time he's attacked a woman.

LadyMcLadyface · 28/08/2023 21:25

This is not normal, at all. It's abuse.

Acornsoup · 28/08/2023 21:30

CrotchetyQuaver · 28/08/2023 21:09

Practicalities
There's nothing really the police can do as there's no independent witness to this assault so ultimately it's your word against his.

What you could do is get it logged and checked at A&E. did he break the skin when he bit you? I know dog bites (on a human) can get infected, on that basis it's possible a human on human bite might also get infected.
I got assaulted in a road rage incident recently, bruising on my arms and back but was more concerned about my head which had been hit more and was very sore and tender. They body mapped my bruises whilst I was there, and told me my sore head was probably concussion. Whole thing took 10 hours, mainly waiting to be seen by the next level medic, so quite an undertaking time wise.

I would also be concerned this is the start of something horrible that's only going to get worse too like other posters

Except that she has a bite mark

'Bit me in my upper arm right below the shoulder'

Which she couldn't have given herself.

scoobysnaxx · 28/08/2023 21:34

@Hotpotato23

OP you must understand.

Domestic violence often STARTS when a woman is pregnant. It escalates tenfold.

I am a psychotherapist and the facts around domestic violence are horrendous.

Trust me when I say it will only get worse and it will GET WORSE.

I can't imagine how confused you feel as he's not been like this before. You must be hurt and confused and you are so so vulnerable now to his words and his sorry's and his promises. If he makes them. Or any threats.

Let yourself breath. Talk to those closest to you.

But please leave. And report to the police when you are ready to.

Please please do not leave yourself and your precious baby at the mercy of this man in this house.

Take control now. Your future self and your baby will never regret it and you'll be so bloody glad you did.

scoobysnaxx · 28/08/2023 21:44

Whatever you do keep those pictures.

What a fucking weird thing to do. Lean over and bite someone shoulder??? What the hell?!

Has he ever been aggressive before OP?

Acted intimidating? Thrown his weight around. About? Saying cruel things? Pushing? Shoving? Slapping?

Biting is a really worrying event. Especially out of nowhere??

Gothambutnotahamster · 28/08/2023 21:45

Completely agree with @scoobysnaxx (& everyone else)

Talk to your sister & get out of there! Good luck Op.

CandyLeBonBon · 28/08/2023 21:46

I hope the talk with your sister helps op. One day at a time Flowers

GilbertMarkham · 28/08/2023 22:42

He's not only abusive, he's fucking weird in the way he's abusive.

Sorry but I wouldn't be trusting anyone who can do something so left field, weird, animalistic etc when angry (but not even "raging" - given you'll have an extremely vulnerable, non verbal for several years little human in your home soon.

Humans grow out of biting, if they even do it, when v small kids.
Those who don't tend to be unhinged.

Pallisers · 28/08/2023 22:52

Op, I hope your talk with your sister goes well. It is great that you are talking to someone in real life.

I echo everyone else. abuse often often starts when the woman is pregnant. She is more vulnerable, more inclined to stay. It is quite calculated.

Your abuse has started. This will not be a one-off. And it didn't start with a slight push or shove or pinch (not that those are acceptable). It started with a very violent, very intimate assault. Think about actually biting another human being hard enough to cause a deep bruise. think of the force and violence behind that. Think of what he was thinking as he did it - and what he was thinking when he made no big deal of it. He has started at a very high level of abuse and his reaction tells you that he is very confident that a casual sorry will be enough for you - he thinks you are stuck. And he wasn't even that enraged.

I really really hope you get the support you need in real life to keep yourself and your baby safe.

Acornsoup · 29/08/2023 00:18

It will be harder to leave with a baby OP. You are only going to get more and more vulnerable as your pregnancy progresses. Could you go and stay with your sisters for a few days at least to clear your thoughts? Flowers

Codlingmoths · 29/08/2023 00:19

Oh no you’re pregnant too. This is definitely going to escalate. I hope your sister is clear headed and doesn’t get caught up in the ‘I can’t believe it’. You have to believe it because it happened. Perhaps pack a bag when you talk with your sister so you have the option of not going home?

Acornsoup · 29/08/2023 00:24

Biting:

Actual Bodily Harm (ABH)
The harm does not have to be serious, but must involve more than a shove to sustain a charge of ABH. Harm such as bruises, scratches and bite marks is sufficient.

MindfulBear · 29/08/2023 00:47

Violent abuser. Get out now. And get therapy.

Andthereyougo · 29/08/2023 03:28

As other have said DV often starts during pregnancy. It can escalate, badly and often dangerously.
Email the photos to your sister and to yourself. File them away in a folder so they’re there when you need them ( he will persuade you to wipe them from your phone)
Make yourself aware of DV and pregnancy, you can confide in a midwife at any time. At any appointment, even if your partner is with you, and you want to speak privately tell a midwife you need Ani ( they’ll understand) and take you away “ for an examination”

Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie · 29/08/2023 03:30

You need to have him put down.

shitt · 29/08/2023 03:52

I can explain this to you. In the moment he wanted to hurt you and cause you pain, but he didn’t want to look like a bad guy so punching or pushing you was out of the question. But biting you is random enough for him to explain away as a moment of madness, he could also say you consented to it during intimacy eg a hickey. So it was a “softer” way of assaulting you that he can explain his way out of, thus giving him the control and power in the situation

shitt · 29/08/2023 04:06

To add to my post, his intention behind biting you was to cause you just as much pain and damage as punching you, slapping you or choking you. He was in that raging mindset. But he just had the wherewithal to attack you in an “explainable way” if a 3rd party questions him. His thought process is, what he did to you isn’t as bad as a kick or punch or shove etc. But the reality is, it’s just as bad if not worse. Remember as well, he attacked you to this extent over a petty non significant argument. So don’t allow yourself to be confused over the bite, it was very much a purposeful thing to hurt you especially to the extent that it bruised. He bit you hard enough to crush your blood vessels. He intended to do that.

Ohdofuckofdear · 29/08/2023 04:07

Hope you're ok OP and that you've spoken to your sister.

Alstoybarn · 29/08/2023 04:52

This happened to me last year. It escalated and recently he tried to murder me.

Lastchancechica · 29/08/2023 06:27

CrotchetyQuaver · 28/08/2023 21:09

Practicalities
There's nothing really the police can do as there's no independent witness to this assault so ultimately it's your word against his.

What you could do is get it logged and checked at A&E. did he break the skin when he bit you? I know dog bites (on a human) can get infected, on that basis it's possible a human on human bite might also get infected.
I got assaulted in a road rage incident recently, bruising on my arms and back but was more concerned about my head which had been hit more and was very sore and tender. They body mapped my bruises whilst I was there, and told me my sore head was probably concussion. Whole thing took 10 hours, mainly waiting to be seen by the next level medic, so quite an undertaking time wise.

I would also be concerned this is the start of something horrible that's only going to get worse too like other posters

There is a lot the police can do. They can immediately arrest him for assault! Secondly a restraining order from the courts of op requests one.

A bite is a very serious assault.

Autieangel · 29/08/2023 06:28

Pregnancy explains the escalation to violence. This will only get worse not better. There is every reason to leave and no reason to stay.

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