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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He bit me

215 replies

Hotpotato23 · 27/08/2023 20:56

My dh and I got into a fight yesterday and it probably got more heated than it should have. The reason was silly and nothing serious overall but I think we were both just tired and stressed out. At some stage during the argument he leaned forward and bit me in my upper arm right below the shoulder. It really hurt and he backed off, but today I have a noticeable bruise and I still find it painful.
We aren't fighting any more, and he did apologise, but he doesn't seem too bothered by the fact that he caused me to bruise.
I don't know what to make of it if I'm honest. I am pissed off of course, but I also think it's such a strange thing that he did. Do people actually do this? I have never deliberately bitten anyone in my whole life!

OP posts:
Pallisers · 28/08/2023 00:18

He bit you! He actually bit you. and while he apologised he is "not that bothered"

Jesus OP, this is very serious. You need to go to your GP. Human bites can cause bacterial infections.

And then why would you spend the rest of your life - or any bit of your life - with someone like this. Why would you go to sleep in the same bed as someone who actually fucking bit you in an argument over not that much - and wasn't that bothered that he did? If my dh bit me (incomprehensible sentence), he'd book himself in somewhere.

Come on OP. I know it is shocking what happened to you - and I'm so sorry - but this is absolutely beyond any boundaries. Get help. Get out.

it has started. Get out now - not down the line when his hands will be around your throat.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 28/08/2023 00:24

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 27/08/2023 22:57

Yes

Show quote history

It's serial killer shit, this is one of the most awful things I've read on here and I've been on MN years, run OP, seriously!

porridgeisbae · 28/08/2023 00:30

A partner's ex wife (who's utterly bonkers) bit me. The police took it seriously.

Ellie56 · 28/08/2023 00:42

He's never done anything like this before at all.

This is the start of it. As PP have said this is abuse. What a vile horrible man. Report him to the police and then dump him. You deserve better. A lot better.

BananaSlug · 28/08/2023 00:51

This has given me flashbacks to when my sister bit me during an argument (both adults at the time) it was so random! It’s odd behaviour.

QueenoftheNimbleFlyingCat · 28/08/2023 00:56

OP I'm honestly horrified by this, an actual adult human but their partner during an argument. This isn't remotely normal even for abusers.

He may not have done anything like this before but does he shout? Lose his temper easily?

trulyunruly01 · 28/08/2023 01:04

That's not an argument. It's a physical attack.

Duckingella · 28/08/2023 01:49

No form of domestic violence is acceptable in a relationship however the first time would tend to be a grab of the arm,a shove or even a slap;these tend to be a violent loss of control (again the only level of acceptable abuse is none)

However Biting someone is spine chillingly psychotic;I can't even fathom that;someone who's never been violent before suddenly bites their partner during an argument;I'd be straight out of there.

Please contact the police and take steps to ensure you're safe.

Fraaahnces · 28/08/2023 01:50

Did it break the skin? If so, you’ll need some antibiotics.

billy1966 · 28/08/2023 04:04

A very very serious assault.

You need medical attention and to report him to the police.

He wanted to shut you down.

And he did.

Truly vicious.

Terrifying.

Please report him.

Autieangel · 28/08/2023 04:18

Leave him.

It could be a punch in the face, a bite or hands around the neck. It is physical abuse. If you stay with him you are telling him you will accept being treated this way. It's likely that or worse will happen again. It doesn't matter how much someone annoys you physical attacking them is not acceptable.

HV1952 · 28/08/2023 07:10

I’m so sorry this has happened to you by someone you trusted. It’s important that you report it to the police, so that there’s evidence you may need in the future. You should contact Refuge. You need help and support. Don’t tell him you’re contacting Refuge. I know you won’t want to leave him, but as others have said, this will get worse and you are now in real danger. There is help for this. Sending a hug.

https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/

DivorcingEU · 28/08/2023 07:42

This was a very deliberate, calculated assault. It was no mistake.

If you want to test it out, head down to your police station today and report it. If it's normal behaviour between adults, they'll laugh you out of the station.

And they won't be laughing you anywhere.

You need to leave. If this was truly the first time he's done anything, it's a test: how much will she accept, how far can I go with her. Any single form of words you use to tell him it's unacceptable will be meaningless to him, because your actions will indicate it's actually ok.

You need to leave and I'd report this to the police too. If your boss bit you in a dispute you'd not accept it and you boss isn't supposed to care all that much about you.

Fraaahnces · 28/08/2023 08:26

Unless he’s a vampire or a werewolf, I very much doubt that this was an accident. Who “accidentally” bites someone? “I fell and her arm landed in my mouth and I had to chomp down?” What an utter thug!

Original poster
Hotpotato23 · 28/08/2023 10:55

Thank you all. I will check out women’s aid because I am not sure what I want to do right now.
I knew that he had crossed a line but I was confused about the way he had done it. I don’t want to minimise anything but it just seemed so strange and bizarre to me that I didn’t know what to make of it.

OP posts:
marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 28/08/2023 11:24

You need to get away from him.

honeyrider · 28/08/2023 13:20

You need to get away from him, it will only get worse if you stay. Don't let embarrassment keep you there.

Prelapsarianhag · 28/08/2023 13:38

This is extreme violence. Please report it to the police. If it is on record it may deter him from biting in the future. This is not a man to have kids with, you would always worry about him biting them. You need to talk to someone about this as how can you be safe with such a man.

AvocadotoastORahouse · 28/08/2023 13:50

You are likely in shock OP, understandably as it's so bizarre.

I can only echo all the advice already given - take photos, see your GP and get it checked and documented as DV, contact the police.

tt9 · 28/08/2023 14:08

I thought this was going to be thread about a cat or dog... but no it's an abusive machine

get rid

Cather1ne · 28/08/2023 14:10

•Trigger warning

Please leave. My ex (together 15+ years) bit me on the finger. Looking back I wish I left then. 6 months later he strangled me and I nearly died. The physical abuse was so atypical (I think) … he never hit me. Things like squeezing my knee really hard until I bruised. All the physical abuse happened over 6 months.

If you do leave be very very careful. I told my ex I was fed up and wanted to end things. That’s when he strangled me.

Daisy523 · 28/08/2023 14:26

I went into this thinking it would be a dog or a toddler, not an adult.

That’s horrific! If it were me, it would be the end of the road. Aside from being barbaric, it’s strange as hell that his mind went to biting?? Something off in his brain.

Frogger8395 · 28/08/2023 14:38

I am surprised this is the first incident of abuse. Is he verbally abusive?

Are you pregnant, or have recently had a baby?

oliveroses · 28/08/2023 15:08

OP, I'm so sorry this has happened and I understand your confusion. When I was in my 20s my boyfriend bit my arm really hard - in a pub (we were out of view of anyone else and owned by a family friend so probably felt like home ground to him). It was so weird and shocking and for years I didn't tell anyone because it just sounded so crazy. But that was the end for me, even though it took me longer to break up with him. I should have stood my ground then and ended it but I was just so weirded out by it - sometimes I wondered if I'd imagined it. It is just so far beyond what is normal behaviour. His behaviour didn't escalate, it was just very erratic and there were another couple of occasions of weird things I can remember, but nothing quite like that. It doesn't make it okay though, even if it's a one off (if there is such a thing - I'm doubtful). I find it hard to think of a clearer red flag. I'm really sorry x

Autieangel · 28/08/2023 18:06

He's minimising it which makes you question if its that bad.

Yes its that bad. If you stay with him you are telling him you won't leave if he hurts you.

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