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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He bit me

215 replies

Hotpotato23 · 27/08/2023 20:56

My dh and I got into a fight yesterday and it probably got more heated than it should have. The reason was silly and nothing serious overall but I think we were both just tired and stressed out. At some stage during the argument he leaned forward and bit me in my upper arm right below the shoulder. It really hurt and he backed off, but today I have a noticeable bruise and I still find it painful.
We aren't fighting any more, and he did apologise, but he doesn't seem too bothered by the fact that he caused me to bruise.
I don't know what to make of it if I'm honest. I am pissed off of course, but I also think it's such a strange thing that he did. Do people actually do this? I have never deliberately bitten anyone in my whole life!

OP posts:
WingingItSince1973 · 28/08/2023 19:34

I wasn't going to comment but then read you are pregnant. OP this is a dangerous time for you. My grandsons dad bit him when he was a baby and because of that he can no longer see his son unsupervised, although he was so arrogant he didn't want that and hasn't seen him for 6 years. The social services said to us that although one incident, an adult biting anyone is never going to be an isolated incident. They will escalate the violence. It's sadly a forgone conclusion that they have dealt with many times. Please protect yourself and your unborn baby. It's must be absolutely heartbreaking for you and I'm so sorry but it's a very violent and personal thing to do to someone and it won't be the last time sadly xxxx

porridgeisbae · 28/08/2023 19:36

OP did he lose his temper badly or was he calm when he did it ?

@Annaishere It doesn't matter. I mean, calm biting would be more weird. Most of them will claim it's a moment of blacked out anger. But he waited until his partner was pregnant to do it (which is classic) and it's not like he's doing it to other people.

FedUpWithEverything123 · 28/08/2023 19:37

I am pregnant

I read years ago that a huge proportion of "first instances" of domestic violence by males are when their female partners become pregnant. So sorry OP, that is horrific. Please seek help, it could likely escalate

CrazyArmadilloLady · 28/08/2023 19:38

Hotpotato23 · 28/08/2023 18:57

I am pregnant but he has really never been abusive or done anything remotely like this before.

Show quote history

Oh no, OP - this explains so much.

Abuse so often starts when the woman is pregnant.

If you don’t feel able to pack and leave immediately, at least ask him to move out and give you space while you consider your future.

It’s imperative you send a strong message that this will not be tolerated. Ultimately, that should be by leaving him. But asking him to move out also does that, while buying you some thinking time.

Flowers
Annaishere · 28/08/2023 19:38

porridgeisbae · 28/08/2023 19:36

OP did he lose his temper badly or was he calm when he did it ?

@Annaishere It doesn't matter. I mean, calm biting would be more weird. Most of them will claim it's a moment of blacked out anger. But he waited until his partner was pregnant to do it (which is classic) and it's not like he's doing it to other people.

I think it could matter because if he was calm it would be psychopathic type of behaviour. Not saying she should stay with him at all but if he can’t control his anger at least he can get treatment for that

user76541055773 · 28/08/2023 19:39

OP having seen you update, I can only echo what others have said. There is a well established pattern of behaviour with a certain type of man where serious violent abuse starts in pregnancy. He can be sweetness and light beforehand but once you are pregnant it begins.

Please speak to women’s aid, speak to your midwife, confide in your sister, and get out, because he is only going to get worse.

Aquamarine1029 · 28/08/2023 19:43

I am pregnant but he has really never been abusive or done anything remotely like this before.

Oh fuck me. Op, this is when physical abuse very often starts in a relationship. It's honestly straight out of the abuser's handbook. You have got to get away from him. Right now. I guarantee his abuse will escalate - this is not a one off.

Magien · 28/08/2023 19:47

Please record it with the police even if you don't want them to act on it at this time. The record will be useful should you need it going forward.

Catsfrontbum · 28/08/2023 19:48

I’m sorry this has happened to you and your world will be upside down.

Put him out now. Today. He must go. No minimising. No second chances.

Goldcircle · 28/08/2023 19:49

Hes an abusive piece of shit. Leave before ot gets worse.

AlwaysFoldingWashing · 28/08/2023 19:58

Get yourself and your unborn baby out of there, it always gets worse and there is always a next time. Sorry you are in this situation

Greenfishy · 28/08/2023 20:00

This is abusive and you should be aware of that.

If he broke the skin you’ll need antibiotics - human bites can be worse for infection than dog bites. Go to your GP tomorrow if there’s a wound.

Aquamarine1029 · 28/08/2023 20:02

You will never again have an easier time to leave him than right now. Once the baby is born, everything becomes infinitely more complicated.

Original poster
Hotpotato23 · 28/08/2023 20:03

I really just want to talk to my sister tomorrow.

Can I actually get this recorded with the police without filing a complaint? Is this not time wasting on their end?

I’m just into my fifth month.
He hasn’t been abusive before and he was annoyed but not raging or so when he bit me. I know none of this explains it and I need to do something but I just really want to talk to her first.

OP posts:
midwifeandttc · 28/08/2023 20:03

Most cases of domestic abuse start in pregnancy x

SaturdayGiraffe · 28/08/2023 20:06

OP you have repeatedly stated he hasn’t previously abused you. You keep repeating it, and I get the impression you want to convince us and yourself that somehow this means this is a one-off event.

It will not be.

Please tell your sister ASAP.

Dotty87 · 28/08/2023 20:10

Hotpotato23 · 28/08/2023 20:03

I really just want to talk to my sister tomorrow.

Can I actually get this recorded with the police without filing a complaint? Is this not time wasting on their end?

I’m just into my fifth month.
He hasn’t been abusive before and he was annoyed but not raging or so when he bit me. I know none of this explains it and I need to do something but I just really want to talk to her first.

So he wasn't out of control with rage when he bit you, does that make it any better in your eyes? It comes across as though you feel it does, though to me that actually seems worse.

billy1966 · 28/08/2023 20:10

This is so important that you tell your GP and health visitor.

Abusive often commences during pregnancy.

Thugs perceive their victims to be vulnerable.

Absolutely call Womens aid for advice and support.

What he did is truly vicious.

It was premeditated.

He wanted to both silence, shock and humiliate you.

He is a highly abusive, dangerous individual.

Annaishere · 28/08/2023 20:11

I’m sorry op but he sounds like a really messed up person that won’t change and will treat you badly

Annaishere · 28/08/2023 20:12

It isn’t worth it, believe me

EarthSight · 28/08/2023 20:26

Leave him. You need support and preferably you need the police involved as well.

Abusive men often start crossing boundries when they think the woman is vulnerable in some way. For some, the fact that you're pregnant with their child makes them feel like they have all the power now, that they own you and can smack you into place when they feel like it. It's such a bad sign, and a man who will do that to a pregnant woman is bound to get worse.

Iknowthis1 · 28/08/2023 20:27

There is something wrong with him. That is not normal behaviour.

DoughnutDreams · 28/08/2023 20:43

It would be wise to have this recorded with both the police and your doctor.

Perhaps keep a diary as sadly, there are likely to be other concerning situations that you will need to see as a complete picture. You can no longer say he isn't violent, that he hasn't done anything like this before, or that he's a good and safe husband/father.

Applesaarenttheonlyfruit · 28/08/2023 20:47

So next time you argue OP, will what he did alter your behaviour? Will you be more wary?

WhereYouLeftIt · 28/08/2023 20:48

"I knew that he had crossed a line but I was confused about the way he had done it. I don’t want to minimise anything but it just seemed so strange and bizarre to me that I didn’t know what to make of it."

OP, if he'd have punched you rather than bit you - would you feel as confused, do you think? That would have been less strange, less bizarre, wouldn't it? I wonder if he chose to bite rather than punch/slap to produce just this effect.

You're five months pregnant. Sadly, this is a time when a lot of abusers start (along with marriage). They feel they have their victim over a barrel. And the victim feels it themself usually too. You said "I can’t just pack up and leave" - is this your reason?

To be totally horrible about it, he started after it was too late for you to abort, so he's got you tied to him for the next 18 years via your joint child. Over a fucking barrelSad .

Send the pictures to your sister NOW. Talk to her ASAP. And think seriously about protecting yourself by leaving.