Ever had a TRULY platonic male friendship?

[Lockthedoors9]

On here you see those threads where someone’s other half is shadily texting a woman and whilst most say it’s suspect there’s always a couple of people saying “men can have female friends” and I always do wonder - how?

Now I know of course it must happen but I have never had a male friendship where later it transpired he was trying to turn it into more.

The exception is friendships with gay men or when I was younger, men who later came out.

I’m married now and based on my experiences I’d never have a close friendship with a straight man because of the inevitable drama it would bring.

I know this is rather crap tbh.

Have you experienced similar to me?

I’d also love to hear your positive stories, perhaps I’ve been unlucky or give off some sort of vibe 😂

My old boss is one of my dearest friends. We have both been there for each other through some really shitty times, and always will be. I love him dearly and he has been really good to my kids and supported us through my difficult divorce. I would trust him with my life and could tell him anything.

Totally platonic on both sides.

every time I thought I did they massively let me down by making sexual advances

Yeh it’s totally possible. I have a male platonic friend. I’m also happily married and been with my husband almost 20 years. Me and my friend have a lot in common and my friendship pre dates my relationship with my husband.

Yes, one of my best friends of over 20 years is male. He's been there for me through all the ups and downs that life has thrown at me in that time.

We're both single at the moment, so are going on holiday together in November as we enjoy each others company.

I think of him as a bonus big brother.

@Spartak yes it’s exactly that. I feel like he’s a brother.

One of my best friend and my DS’s godfather is my friend of 11 years. Have known him since before I met DH. We text a lot and chat on the phone but nothing ever happened between us or ever will. Definitely no chemistry between us!

I’ve never had a best friend who is male, because I think that level of intimacy can lend itself more to slipping into sexual.

However, for my broader friends (e.g. ones I socialise with regularly for dinner, drinks etc.) the majority are male. Never had any problems.

Yes I have lots of male friends that are completely platonic and my husband has many female friends that are completely platonic. I'd never considered that it would be anything else :/

Yes, on my side at least. Otherwise only with gay men.

No

Yes. I don't see him often as he moved hundreds of miles away but we were best friends for a year in our early twenties and then stayed in touch after we moved cities. He has never fancied me, I know. I am not his type at all. And I've never fancied him. But we do adore each other, tease each other, not flirt exactly but have jokey banter together. He taught me how to dance (I am naturally quite clumsy) He spoke glowingly of me behind my back, which made people think he had a thing for me. I know he didn't, because, bluntly, I'm short and stocky and his girlfriends are all tall and willowy like him. II've never ever felt any desire other than excitable friendship from him or for him. But I do love seeing him and it's mutual. He always gets in touch when he comes to London. Nearly forty years of friendship.

I elaborate to say I've never had a 'male friend' who didn't at some point try hard to get into my knickers.

I haven't. Like you, it's always ended with a sexual advance. I don't even speak to men anymore for this reason.

My ex-husband was capable of it though. His 2 best friends were women. I completely trusted him. When we met he couldn't wait to introduce me to them, I was never excluded from anything they did and they were very family oriented.

Not a best friend but yes I have several truest platonic male friendships - although to be fair thinking about it, these are all friends I’ve known for years, and where I am friends with the other half as well, and my DH is also friendly with them - so couple friends..I don’t think I have any male friendships where I’m solely friends with just the man iyswim

I don't think I'm as close, emotionally, to any of my male friends as I am to my female friends, but I do have several really great male mates from different stages of life - a couple of old school friends who I only really stay in touch with via messages, a college friend whose family we see regularly, some former colleagues from various workplaces, and the husbands of my closest female friends - we all go away on holiday/for NYE together etc.

I'm really glad for all of them in different ways - especially my friend's husbands who have been more like lovely mad uncles in my kids' lives.

So I do have truly platonic male friendships but would caveat that with the fact that they all have pretty tight boundaries around them because of the context - group messages, group get togethers etc. I meet one male friend alone sometimes because he's having a terrible time and needs to talk, but there's nothing romantic in the slightest, more like a therapeutic relationship really.

Loads of them. Some my really close friends, some slightly less close.

Man here - I have two women I’m very good friends with, and I’d be disappointed if either of them made any kind of advance.

Contrary to popular belief it is possible to have purely platonic friendships with the opposite sex, but in my experience about 50% of the time one party will always try and make it something ‘more’ which is a shame if it ruins an otherwise special friendship.

Over the years I've had a few platonic male friends.
One I've known for more than 30 years.
But I'm also well aware that he's always wanted it to be more than platonic, and whenever I have seen him in person - he lives in Australia, so mostly we catch up online - or we have a particularly deep conversation online - he tends to blur the boundaries.
I think it's really difficult to have a truly platonic relationship with a man as there will usually be stronger feelings on one side than the other.

This is so lovely. I love men - it’s just never happened for me this way. Except with gay men who I do believe are a woman’s best friend!

I have some male friends who I play Warhammer with. They’re all married and their wives are much younger and prettier than me - they wouldn’t look at me twice! There is no sexual tension because of the 10-15 year age gap.

How would you know? It might be platonic from your side, but your friend might be carrying the horn a torch for you on the quiet.

Maybe one? Only because he was so in love with his then-girlfriend later-wife that it wouldn't have occurred to see me or anyone other than her as a potential partner.

He was part of a large group of male friends I made in my 20s when I first moved to London. We all hung out together and had some fantastic times together.

But other than that one guy, in hindsight they all had an agenda, and it was noticeable that once they all got married they still saw each other but stopped bothering with me.

The female friends I made in that time are still in my life, although we see less of each other now we have kids and more responsibilities.

My oldest friend I've known for 38yrs and he's a guy. I also have a couple of other very good male friends who I've known for years. All platonic.

DD is 16 and her friends are all boys. She sleeps over at their houses pretty regularly and they talk daily. No different to if her friends were female.

Yes I have a group of male friends from
school (30 years ago!) who are still all my dearest pals and we spend lots of time together both in a group and one on one, and they are all genuinely platonic.

When we were teenagers there was a bit of flirting but we all ended up married (some now divorced including me), but enough time has passed for any attraction to be a non-starter. I’m friends with their wives etc and we also have lots of female friends from school and uni in the group too.

it’s lovely and I feel really lucky - they are all like brothers to me and we are all godparents to each others children.

Yes, but only 2 in my long life. Others who I thought were platonic (knew each other's spouses etc) really saddened me when they tried to make a move.