Ever had a TRULY platonic male friendship?

[Lockthedoors9]

On here you see those threads where someone’s other half is shadily texting a woman and whilst most say it’s suspect there’s always a couple of people saying “men can have female friends” and I always do wonder - how?

Now I know of course it must happen but I have never had a male friendship where later it transpired he was trying to turn it into more.

The exception is friendships with gay men or when I was younger, men who later came out.

I’m married now and based on my experiences I’d never have a close friendship with a straight man because of the inevitable drama it would bring.

I know this is rather crap tbh.

Have you experienced similar to me?

I’d also love to hear your positive stories, perhaps I’ve been unlucky or give off some sort of vibe 😂

You're either attracted to someone or you're not.

No - attraction just isn’t that binary.

It often develops over time, as you get to know someone better.

It’s how work affairs often happen. Two people are thrown together, they spend time together in a non-romantic setting. Get to know each other, and feelings grow.

That’s just one example. There will be many couples out there who started out as friends, colleagues, joint hobbyists, etc - and then attraction / feelings developed over time.

It’s very common.

Yep my best friend of 50 years is a straight man. We've never been anything more than good friends.

I've had several male friends and have always found them much more reliable and above anything, less bitchy and superficial than women.

Such a depressing statement. 😔

My best, most enduring friendships are with women - ‘superficial’ couldn’t be further from the truth. We have seen each other through everything - ‘reliable’ doesn’t even begin to cover it.

I have 2 beloved male friends. We have known each other since our teens, never the slightest suggestion of anything more than friendship, I trust them both completely in that respect. They are like brothers to me.

Several of my oldest and closest friends are men. There has never been any hint of anything sexual (this has happened with other male friends, but they were quickly dumped). Likewise, my husband has close female friends. Some we see together and some apart. Either I've been wilfully blind for 30 years, or there are no problems with it!

For us, the key thing has been having very clear boundaries and being considerate of our spouse. We talk openly about what we do with our respective friends and when we are seeing them. All of the friends know both of us, which I think might make a difference.

I'm wondering how much your level of attractiveness matters to if you have friends of the opposite sex?

And I think I'd be less happy about my partner being friends with someone gorgeous

Well I can't comment on my own "attractiveness" because it's for others to decide if I am or not, but my friend looks a bit like Tom Hardy, who many would consider gorgeous but he does absolutely nothing for me. I find him average looking.

I have two very close make friends. One is a manager of mine from a previous job - I've met his wife and children, he's met my husband and DDs. I also coincidentally ended up working with his wife's brother at my next job. I like his wife, and DH likes him, but they're not really friends, they wouldn't keep in touch or anything. He was married when I met him, but I was single. It has never been anything other than completely platonic.
My other close male friend is an ex-colleague from the same job (the three of us were good friends when we worked together, we now all work at different places). He's single, as was I when I met him, but again it was never anything other than platonic.

I find it weird that people think these friendships can't possibly exist.

You'll get slated on here, but I agree🙈

If she's really beautiful and just so happened to be singled out as my DHs bestie, I'd be wondering if he fancied her. Just an honest response.

The response from mumsnetters is ooh dont you trust him. But it's not about trust. You can trust someone not to cheat on you and still feel boundaries can be crossed and feel weird about it, for instance

Is it a straight thing, gay man who is friends with almost exclusively queer men, and most of those men have an almost exclusively queer male friendship group. No issues with any pervs or anyone coming on to friends.

Presumably bisexual people can't be 'just friends' with anyone..? The idea that there must be sexual attraction at least one way if 2 people are of complementary sexuality/sex is nuts. Otherwise nearly all men would fancy nearly all women, and vice versa. Nobody would get anything done!

Yes.

Ah the bisexuality conundrum. Most of us don't care what others do in their relationship. But I'm our own, and knowing our own partners, it might be out of the ordinary to have a highly attractive best friend of the opposite sex.

Totally normal to have all sorts of friends so it's all relative

Some people think monogamy is stifling. Some people think open relationships are hell. Only your circumstances are relevant

I suppose it can happen but it's never happened to me. They always have some sort of ulterior motive IME

No only gay friends.

I have two really good male friends from uni, always been 100% platonic. We met in halls and just hit it off straight away. The three of us were inseparable and lived together in a 3 bed flat in our second and third year. We were and still are like family. I would give them advice on girlfriends, they would help me with boyfriend advice and helping me pick outfits for dates. We live far away now but I still see them both once or twice a year. Have been friends for 20 years now and never anything but 100% platonic.

I've always had male friends and still do. I love them dearly and they me. I wouldn't be without them.

I had a best friend when I was 17 and he was 16. We went everywhere together for about a year, I knew he didn't fancy me as he would come to me for advice about other girls. We lost touch as happens with life.

Anyway he messaged me 2 years ago for a catch up and we've been in a relationship ever since 😂

Personally no.... I've had some good decent friendships where nothing has ever happened between us but one of us has wants it to... rarely spoke about but there's been an undercurrent.

My friend however has had a 20 yr friendship with a man and they are truly platonic

Yes

Yes I have a completely plutonic very close straight male friend who I adore. We are totally mutually platonic and close friends with each others spouses too.

I also have straight male work colleagues I get on well with in a totally plutonic way.

I've had very few friends who did try to get into my knickers. I've shared houses with two of them and spent vast periods of time drunk (early 20s, middle aged and sensible now) so if either of them had fancied their chances it surely would have happened then.

No!!!
there is always something IMO

Of course it's possible to have male friendships that are purely platonic. I've got a lot of male friends from a hobby I do. None of them have ever made a move. Maybe if I was single and available it would be different. They're very respectful and lovely blokes. I message a few individually regularly. The hobby is music related so we swap a lot of messages about music, share favourite YouTube vids, funny music memes etc. I value my male friends as much as my female ones

But there isn't in many others' opinions. Do you suppose that they're all wrong?