Ever had a TRULY platonic male friendship?

[Lockthedoors9]

On here you see those threads where someone’s other half is shadily texting a woman and whilst most say it’s suspect there’s always a couple of people saying “men can have female friends” and I always do wonder - how?

Now I know of course it must happen but I have never had a male friendship where later it transpired he was trying to turn it into more.

The exception is friendships with gay men or when I was younger, men who later came out.

I’m married now and based on my experiences I’d never have a close friendship with a straight man because of the inevitable drama it would bring.

I know this is rather crap tbh.

Have you experienced similar to me?

I’d also love to hear your positive stories, perhaps I’ve been unlucky or give off some sort of vibe 😂

Yes. My neighbour growing up. We shared a house at university.

Another more recent friend also.

I have quite a few. I think there is a moment when we get to know each other where we eye each other up as a potential romantic prospect, but then the moment passes as we get to know each other and we end up as friends. I don’t know if any of them secretly fancy me. If I think about it, maybe a couple do, but they have never acted on it so it isn’t an issue. I guess there is a couple of them that I am not unattracted to as well. Again, no plans of acting on it. I have never had a make best friend though. I think that level of closeness might be difficult with a man who is not a romantic partner.

Amen, sister!

I breezed through life thinking that no man would ever want me. Turns out that was internalised fatphobia 😊 But I'm a force of nature, what can I say? All personality, that's me.

I have a truly platonic male friend. It helps that he is a lot younger than me - though not quite enough to make me old enough to be his mother. He was (is) my personal trainer. He actually found it hard to accept that I didn't fancy him. We became friends when we started seeing each other outside work for a sport we both do. I don't have any other male friends with whom I am that close.

I’ve had a truly platonic friendship with a male friend. We just didn’t see each other in that way neither of us found the other one even slightly attractive. We truly were just friends no flirting ect. We helped each other in loads of ways supported each other through family deaths and moving homes. He sadly moved away so I don’t see him very often but we still remain friends. So do I think it’s possible absolutely but maybe more common as you get older.

I have a male friend that I have known for over 40 years - I saw him this week after not meeting up for ages and we had a lovely time remembering all the great days out we'd had. He's always been a friend, a lovely reliable friend. In fact I couldn't afford a hen night when my husband and I got married, so male friend and I went out dancing together! We had a wonderful evening. He's one of my best friends

Unfortunately not.

As a couple we have male friends who are married etc.

Shame really, I met a guy locally who walked his dog around the same places I walk mine. He was bereaved only a few months after I met him. We got chatting etc and we had a lot in common and he only lived up the road. I was quite pleased I’d found a friend as I was going through a bit and it was nice to chat.

Fast forward a few months and I pop over for a coffee as he’s invited me to see some of his artwork (amateur painter) only for him to confess his undying love to me. Not only that, but he had taken my photo from my WhatsApp profile and painted me!! It took me by surprise as I have absolutely no feelings for him whatsoever, and even so as he’d lost his wife 6 months before.

I explained that absolutely in no way shape or form did I feel the same, and now it’s really fucking awkward (and binned the painting!)

He buys me random gifts even when I’ve explicitly told him no, comes over unannounced for a chat when my husbands car is not here and texts me when he’s drunk asking me to meet with him knowing full well I’m happily married.

Im so bloody cross with him because we couldn’t been good mates.

Then I think maybe it’s me? Maybe I gave him signs of something, I dunno.

Sorry for derailing OP!!

My 2 closest friends are male, and my OHs best friend is female. Have always got on better with males. Growing up, the only neighbours were boys and children my age at the childminders were boys so don't know if it stems from that. Also went to an all girls secondary school and was bullied horribly for about 3 years. Funnily enough, I now work in a female dominated workplace and can get along with women at work fine, but would not choose to spend time with any of them outside of work and never have done. So I'm unsure if it is just how you are brought up/initial friendships made when young or if some people are just born to get on better with the opposite sex.

One of my closest friends for over 25 years is male. He did ask me out when we first met, but definitely has no romantic feelings now - I’m not convinced he did then. I was best woman at his wedding, I’m aunt to his children, and he and his wife are uncle and aunt to mine. His wife is absolutely secure in their relationship and has never objected to our friendship (I consider her a close friend too).

Yes, absolutely. And they're all straight, and have been married/divorced/single over the years, while I've been with Now-DH for 30 years. Some old friends from former workplaces, one quite new to whom I only became close last year. Never a hint of sexual feeling, ever. I can only assume my extreme plainness has an impact there.

I think there are just overwhelmingly so many crap, selfish, sex pest men out there that it's easy to forget there are genuinely really good ones. I have a male friend I met abroad who is the loveliest friendliest person you could ever meet, just absolutely loves people. He's happily married with a dd that he absolutely adores and has a bazillion friends on FB that he genuinely has met and knows. He's literally the best guy I ever met, never a bad word to say about anyone. He's a much better person than me! Definitely completely platonic though - if he tried it on then I'd really lose all faith in men.

Absolutely possible but rare, I've had a male best friend for 30 plus years secret is no physical attraction.

I've had many platonic male friendships over the years. One or two have attempted to make things sexual which completely ruined the friendship as I genuinely never saw them that way. But my 2 closest friends are male and I love them both dearly. We sadly don't all get together as often as we'd like but when we do it's as if we'd never been apart. One is divorced and now with a long term partner and the other is single and has almost always been, but there has never been even the slightest hint of anything more, just form, solid friendship of the best kind

I have one - Dave, a former colleague. We meet up every few weeks for coffee and a catch up and every few days in between. Zero attraction. I’m 10 years older than him and quite plump. He’s a skinny runner who looks a bit like a ferret. He’s a Tory Brexiter and I’m a lefty Remainer. On paper we have very little in common but we find each other hilarious. We’ve helped each other through some tough times - redundancies, break ups, teenage kids drama - the works. Interestingly, my DP is of the opinion that men and women can’t be friends because at least one will be attracted to the other, but he makes an exception for Dave!!

Plenty. One of my best friends since high school was the school pin up. He’s gorgeous but I have never once been tempted.

I have masses of very good male friends. Love them all. Never felt the slightest inclination to snog them and nor, apparently, have they. Most are straight and most are married.
I totally don’t understand this idea that every male/female friendship is an affair waiting to happen. I’ve been married for over 25 years so that is just off the table. We are just people who get on, who have known each other for years, who enjoy each others’ company and who have a very well established friendship. That’s it.

I think it’s possible to have male friends in wider circle - so group holiday buddies etc who are friends as a group. Haven’t managed a male “bestie” who took the time to support/listen/1:1 hang outs that hasn’t turned out to not be platonic on their part though. Or gay as you say. I would be highly suspicious if my DP suddenly became best friends with a female.

I think perhaps certain life situations where the friendship formed could maybe result in a close friendship between males and females - like maybe work buddies or childhood friends or something.

I agree that if you can get past the attraction stage then yes you can have good platonic male friendships. Both guys I knew we had some great times and they were good fun! It was quite funny though because when we were all out together (3 of us) and they were good looking guys, it was almost always assumed I was dating one of them, which wasn’t the case!

My two closest friends are male, friends since our teenage years. There's never been a hint of sexual chemistry or anything more over the entirety of our relationship and they both get on well with DP and our children. We've supported each other through significant life events and I can't imagine them not being in my life.

I don't think being best friends with someone of the opposite sex necessarily lends itself to intimacy or sexual chemistry. You're either attracted to someone or you're not.

My group of friends in secondary school was almost entirely male, and since then I've worked in largely male environments and have a lot of friends among my colleagues. I must be less of a looker than most people on this thread as very few have ever shown any interest.

I do have a long standing friendship with a someone I've known since sixth form - he asked me out very early on and was quite upset when I said no, but we've remained friends. He's never had a girlfriend since (we're now late 20s) and not really any other proper friends, so far as I can tell. He's a very attentive and thoughtful, sends me flowers on my birthday, and I do get the impression that if I suddenly said "I've changed my mind, I do want to be your girlfriend!" Then I'd probably be taken up on that.

I'm in the same boat actually, OP.

I've had many male friends over the years that I genuinely believed were platonic on both sides.

Nothing had ever been said or done to suggest otherwise.

Until it was. And often these were long standing close friendships of 10 years or more.

I was 17 the first time I realised a boy i thought was my friend fancied me. I'm 48 now and it still happens. I've lost some really good friends over the past few years because of it (either because I thought the men themselves were really good friends or because I've had to walk away and lost their wives who I was friends with too).

It's shit.

I think the key is being friends from a young age. Only one friend fits this bill and he is truly platonic, I’ve known him since I was 16 and he is 💯 not in to me nor I him.

Alot of men will call you a friend though. And then bide their time.

My DM has had gay male friends and a platonic male best friend who was in love with her but she told him she didn’t feel that way. Fast forward a few years when he’d remarried and my DB and his wife were visiting him and his new wife. The platonic male best friend got out a photographic album/book of his romantic exes and my DM was in there. DB questioned him about it and the friend said “yes me and your mum dated”. DB then checked with my DM later who told DB that categorically no, they never dated but he’d told her he was in love with her years ago and she’d said sorry no, but we can be friends. It explained why his new wife was so off with my DM and others.

I’ve never had a best friend who is male, because I think that level of intimacy can lend itself more to slipping into sexual.

Not from my side it hasn't but I do think that the men weigh you up as a sexual prospect even if they ultimately decide that you're not.