Ever had a TRULY platonic male friendship?

[Lockthedoors9]

On here you see those threads where someone’s other half is shadily texting a woman and whilst most say it’s suspect there’s always a couple of people saying “men can have female friends” and I always do wonder - how?

Now I know of course it must happen but I have never had a male friendship where later it transpired he was trying to turn it into more.

The exception is friendships with gay men or when I was younger, men who later came out.

I’m married now and based on my experiences I’d never have a close friendship with a straight man because of the inevitable drama it would bring.

I know this is rather crap tbh.

Have you experienced similar to me?

I’d also love to hear your positive stories, perhaps I’ve been unlucky or give off some sort of vibe 😂

You're funny. Surely I get to decide my own bar for my own opposite-sex friendships?

@ShineLikeA drop the attitude forst of all

Second of all, you're on a thread. You can have whatever bar you want. But if you're going to add a completely redundant anecdote, then no, you don't get to decide. Kinda pointless giving an example of a non platonic friendship no?

But in the real world friends don't take their clothes off in front of each other. That might be why we chose them as friends.

But even if they do, your memory of the ladder theory seems to be saying that men can be friends with women they don't find attractive.

Are you confusing me with another poster? I haven't given any anecdotes of a non-platonic friendship. Chiefly because I don't have any non-platonic friendships.

Nope, you.

Well that’s where you’re wrong - I went on holiday with a male friend once and we got drunk and went skinny dipping. We did not have sex, kiss, touch, or find each other attractive. It was platonic even when we were nude!

How do you think gay and bisexual people manage? I’ve got some very close female friends but I can assure you it hasn’t turned into romantic feelings and I’ve never fancied them.

I have. Several really decent friends with 0 attraction. Although I've also had a few that I thought were great platonic relationships and then they made advances which ruined the friendship and I'm not as naive as I was at uni!

I actually agree with the ladder theory

I'd say in all the "platonic friendships" where one party is clearly harbouring an unrequited crush on the other, its a bit unbalanced with one party thinking "my FRIEND is more attractive than the people I can date, how can I make them like me".

If someone is in social groups/has a lifestyle/looks where they are consistently meeting potential dates "at their level" and getting reciprocated attention they're not going to obsess over "getting" their mate.

Interestingly, the long term male mates I have, are quite conventionally handsome though not my exact type (and who don't struggle to get serious female attention from prettier women than me).

So they arguably "wouldn't say no" if stars aligned, but I never get that "desperate/thirsty" vibe from them.

They don't need a "fake friendship" to get into the social orbit of certain women.

Equally I don't really harbour unrequited crushes on men (I mean I do but I wouldn't feel the need to "friend them up" or be pushy) as I'm generally happy with "what I get " .

low standards are a blessing

So there's no need to get a faux-friendship to "access" men I wouldn't otherwise.

One of my best friends is male. We met on tinder and dated for a bit then it fizzled out and became very clear very quickly that we were much better off as friends. We've been good friends for five years now and spend loads of time together, have both dated other people. No romantic or sexual feelings for each other at all. The idea gives me the ick quite frankly.

Well exactly, females can have plenty of male friends who don't find them attractive. Even the most beautiful women will have people who are attracted to something else

For me, if there's any hint of flirting or attraction, it's not a friendship.

There seem a lot of posts about friendships where the man secretly harbours feelings for the woman, but nothing the other way round... Surely there must be plenty of such friendships where the attraction (if there is any) is on the female side?

All my platonic male friends are gay.
I had one platonic friend for 30 years who suddenly said he wanted us to have an affair behind his wife's back so that was the end of that friendship.

I’ve name changed for this but yes I’ll admit to fancying one of my not too close male friends. All the others yes are purely platonic but this one in particular there is a chemistry there that could lead somewhere if I allowed it. Perhaps it’s all in my head but I don’t think so. Nothing inappropriate has ever been done or even hinted at. He knows I am married and we only see each other at our hobby, which has other people around. Yes it would ruin everything including my marriage. But my heart flips when he’s in the same room and if we’re close enough to be having a chat, my insides are mush. Total crush and it’s pathetic but utterly delicious at the same time. That’s why I keep him at a distance and day dream instead.

Yes. I have two very good male friends. One I've know a long time and met out clubbing way before my partner. The other I met during work, and we have a very good friendship. Meet once or twice a year and are both in happy relationships. We just get along very well.

Yes - several at university

I have a platonic friendship with a man….we’ve been great friends for many, many years.

Straight male here : I have a lot of female friends and my best friend is female. I have NEVER had any sexual urges with her in any form what so ever, she could probably have any guy she wanted but I honestly just see her as a sister and it grosses me out to think of her in any other way than a 'good mate '

I think a fair few marriages are essentially platonic relationships

Yes. A few. Absolutely nothing there other than friendship.

Well I have. Several times. Been away on hol and nothing happened, nor was there any intention or desire from either side.

On the other hand my ex was 'friends' with his ex for years, until it turned out that he was having an affair with her for years and left me as soon as her marriage broke down.

So I totally understand why people can be weird about it and I'm unlikely to be as open minded in future sadly!

Yeah, for the last 30+ plus years.

Never. At one point they have always said something to test the waters with me. I adored them but after that it made me uncomfortable and we drifted.

No. There’s always been fancying on mine or their part.

My male best friend introduced me to my husband 20 years ago. They're now on holiday together. He's godfather to my daughters. I would trust him with my life.