Ever had a TRULY platonic male friendship?

[Lockthedoors9]

On here you see those threads where someone’s other half is shadily texting a woman and whilst most say it’s suspect there’s always a couple of people saying “men can have female friends” and I always do wonder - how?

Now I know of course it must happen but I have never had a male friendship where later it transpired he was trying to turn it into more.

The exception is friendships with gay men or when I was younger, men who later came out.

I’m married now and based on my experiences I’d never have a close friendship with a straight man because of the inevitable drama it would bring.

I know this is rather crap tbh.

Have you experienced similar to me?

I’d also love to hear your positive stories, perhaps I’ve been unlucky or give off some sort of vibe 😂

One of my best friends from 12-18 was a boy - loved each other but not in that way. At work I have had two super close male friends who I have stayed in contact with - we get a catch up lunch every year or so and message in between. We still get in brilliantly and it’s only not having more time that means we don’t meet more often. One of ky absolute closest friends was a bloke who I met really randomly and we love each other like siblings. Am friends with his wife and him with my husband too. My best school run friend was a bloke and we sometimes still have an impromptu catch up. My best friend at our holiday cottage was a much older male. Non have ever been compromised by flirtation or inappropriate behaviours.

I have had my share of slimy blokes trying it in but have never struggled to tell the difference. Friendship is important to me and I would hate for it to be managed according to sex not personality.

I thought I did, but he is now my husband.

Yes, but only because he is gay. We've been good friends for more than a decade, at one point we house shared, and he's wonderful, but I think the fact that there's no possibility of it being anything else or 'what if's' removes any chance of messiness.

When I was in my 20's I had male friends, who inevitably tried to hit on me when they were drunk or if I was single. It was depressing.

Ahh, that's really lovely, congratulations :)

Same BounceyB and @Elvera2

I did have one friend over the years but he got jealous when I had a boyfriend.

When I met my now DH my DH commented ‘he loves you’ and because this friend had acted jealous re my ex I decided to end the friendship as I knew it was serious with DH and felt he would likely cause problems. The friend said he was sceptical it would last when I told him about DH 🚩. I know I made the right choice!

Actually thinking about it I think my DH does have several entirely platonic female friends who've been in his life for decades and preceded me. I've never felt in the least bit threatened by any of them and neither he nor they have ever given me reason to be. So I think it is possible.

Exactly the same with me. Two guys I worked with, both were interested at first but I think I was seeing someone both times. One of them I really did things it was platonic but then got an explicit text message from him detailing what he’d like to do to me! The other we dated after 7 years of platonic friendship and our relationship lasted 3 months, when it ended so did the friendship.

Yes.

My best friend is male. I think initially he would have hoped there was more and he distanced himself from me and then one day he came back into my life and said his life was better with me in it regardless and we are very close friends. He is the most important person in my life next to my husband and kids.
I have numerous other male friends i am pretty close to that have bad friendships that have lasted a long time.

My partner thinks usually want more out of a friendship and jokes about their intentions quite a lot, and whether they would be up for sex if i offered it who knows, some of the probably if i was actually on offer and they were single (most of them aren't single now and have happy marriages) i think some of them wouldn't at all but i have no desire for any of that with any of them and we have meaningful friendships that have lasted far longer then most of my female ones.

Yes, absolutely loads. From adolescence onwards. Even now in my 40s I have new platonic male friends, it’s not just the ones I’ve known for years. Many of these platonic friends have partners, some are single. Just like my female friends in fact. I find it astonishing that male-female friendships are so seemingly problematic for some.

Mmm. I thought I had one until things majorly out of the blue changed. We never spoke of it but it was blindingly crashingly obvious.

I'm hoping we're out the other side of that now and can go back to being mates, because I really enjoyed his company, and we like a lot of the same things.

You really can never know; I had a very good female friend for 10+ years who I had to distance from as she tried to initiate a relationship (I’m married…!)

I never would have expected it from them at all, and it made the friendship difficult to continue.

Four very close male friends that I spend one on one time with, lots of more casual friends that I see as part of groups or gatherings.

Three of the very close ones are gay, to be fair.

The fourth is one of my very dearest friends, I've known him since infancy, we lived next door to eachother growing up. It's completely, entirely platonic, always has been. I was actually talking to my husband about this because he was voicing the opinion that it's odd for women and men to be friends, and it'd be fine for him to go out with a group that included women, but not fine for him to go out one-to-one with a woman, not because he'd do anything but because it just seems inappropriate and disrespectful (apparently?)

I asked if he felt that way about my male friends. He said "they're all gay". I said "what about Daniel" and he got this thousand yard stare for a minute as he processed.

Then went "I could literally walk in on you and Daniel naked together and assume you were doing mole mapping or something. Daniel is the exception."

I have female friends I think are more likely to come on to me than Daniel.

So... I think it is possible, but probably quite rare.

Some lovely stories here!

Thinking of it now I did have a male colleague I was really got on with (wouldn’t say close friends) but personally I think it worked because he is so in love with his wife.

I text to check in with him occasionally but I keep it quite formal and brief as based on my own experiences I would hate for his wife to think I’m trying to make a move!

Attraction has always existed on either side, but could have been fleeting.

But if you can get passed that stage (it is kept to onesself/it is ignored/tried it on or considered it then changed mind) then yes, you can continue the friendship.

Kind of, one is a colleague but we see each other outside of work (I don’t know if colleagues count, I see him more as a friend now but we do work together which is how I met him), I’ve been with dh for 20 years and he’s recently married, he’s just a really nice guy.
and the other is dh’s best friend, I’ve also known him for 20 years and the two of us often meet up for dog walks (again I’m not sure if he counts as he’s technically dhs mate but he is mine too 😂) - he’s more like a brother to me, we get on well, his wife is one of my closest friends and I was bridesmaid at their wedding.
Purely platonic friendships.

I take part in a very male dominated hobby that used to take me all over the place. I have about 5 truly platonic male friends who have never shown the slightest bit of interest in me sexually or relationship wise, and vice versa. One of which was my 'maid of honour' when I got married. None are gay and 3 are single.

Yes, loads of platonic male friends.

Yes - about 3 really close friends from previous workplaces and DH has 2 extremely close female friends that are great. Plus (on my side) old friends from school but I see them less frequently.

My male friends have married wonderful women so I would be just as happy if I saw both than just the original friend, which helps probably.

I think if men wanted to shag their female friends they’d probably give it a go. Mine have never breached my trust like that and I assume they don’t want to shag me at all and never have. And the feeling is very much mutual. Yuck.

😂👏

Yes. Almost 40 years. I love him dearly.

men can have female friends” and I always do wonder - how?

What don't you get? Why do you assume all men will fancy you?

I've quite a few male friends that have never swayed into romantic territory, some are from childhood, some ex colleagues and some I met through my husband. The friendships are no different from those I have with my female friends. I'm also friends with two ex's who have been immensely supportive during a parents illness and death. My husband has female friends, some for decades, some new, he changed career recently and has met an entire collection of new people, most are younger than him, male and female and it makes no difference to me which he has lunch with for example. In fact last night he told me one of the women wanted to start Slimming World but wouldn't go alone (it's held beside the workplace at the time they finish), no one else wanted to start so dh said he would go with her, I'm delighted because he needs to lose weight, it worked for him before and they'll encourage each other. Maybe it's because I grew up with only brothers and boys, rural life and I was the only girl locally so I had to be friends with them or be lonely. A particular good friend last few years is a guy I met through my husband, they've been friends for decades, this guy is a widow, he lost his wife not long after they married almost 30 years ago (we are in our 50's) and he wants to try OLD so he's calling over for him and I to set it up but he doesn't want anyone other than dh and I to know, it's the exact same as if he was a female friend.

Yes.
To be honest, one started as a bloke i fancied. But then i got to know him. We became good friends with nothing else there at all; mainly because getting to know him took all the magic away. But he's a good bloke.

The other I've known since uni, pre dates dh, and we message regularly. Never been a hint of anything between us, not even a spark.

Yes I had one. We were really good friends for a couple of years and then he went to Australia and we didn't stay in touch really.

I used to stay over at his house sometimes. Nothing sexual ever happened.