Ever had a TRULY platonic male friendship?

[Lockthedoors9]

On here you see those threads where someone’s other half is shadily texting a woman and whilst most say it’s suspect there’s always a couple of people saying “men can have female friends” and I always do wonder - how?

Now I know of course it must happen but I have never had a male friendship where later it transpired he was trying to turn it into more.

The exception is friendships with gay men or when I was younger, men who later came out.

I’m married now and based on my experiences I’d never have a close friendship with a straight man because of the inevitable drama it would bring.

I know this is rather crap tbh.

Have you experienced similar to me?

I’d also love to hear your positive stories, perhaps I’ve been unlucky or give off some sort of vibe 😂

Depends what you mean by platonic. I’ve had lots of male friends that I never had a physical relationship of any sort with but there is pretty much always a flirtatious element to it. This was when I was younger though. Nowadays I don’t really know any men just a as friends - as colleagues yes, but I work in a very female dominated field, and the partners of my female friends.

Yes, by not being so attractive that every man I talk to wants to got on me. Advantages to being fat I suppose.

I has a dear male friend - 20 years older than me and gay. Other than him, I’ve never managed it. Not even close.

ALL my serious boyfriends (and now DH) have had good, platonic women friends - all of them, without exception. It’s something I really like in a man - likes women, enjoys their company and doesn’t just see them as a potential shag.

I don’t know why I never managed it with a straight man.

i find this so weird. I have always had friends of both sexes. Since becoming a middle aged woman with kids and not working most of my closer friends are women, but I still have men friends and would have again. Are you all so ravishing that no man can resist??

I've had a few.

Yes, but they're married to my friends and very devoted to their families, and I'm not physically attractive (these days). Plus it wouldn't be worth it if they did have a momentary brain fart and try it on - they'd know I'd tell their wives and probably everyone else in our circle.

I have lots of very genuinely platonic friends as part of a group. There has always been "something" when we started doing things 121, being special/best friends.

Plus, I'd guess, it would be rare for you to spend 121 quality time with them?

I worked very closely with a man for 10 years and I'd say we became friends .
We are both married , spent lunchtime together in our place of work , sometimes walking into town for a coffee or a wander . His wife worked in a shop in town and I'd sometimes go with him if he had a reason to see her , I'd also chat with her.
I moved away and ten years later we still occasionally phone each other , I put the phone on speakerphone and whilst my dh has never met him he sometimes joins in on the conversation if he's in the room , or doesn't bother if he's not in the room.

Yes, I have plenty of male friends and one who I am pretty close to. But I did have a male best friend who I did everything with - holidays, nights out, days out, nights in, always texting. Everyone was certain something was going on but it wasn’t. He was my absolute world.

He still is, but now we’re together, so it slightly undermined my conviction that men and women could DEFINITELY be that close as friends… I now think that a male best friend is less likely to always be platonic.

Most of them there had been fancying by either party. A lot of friend-zoning. Less male friendships, now we’re all married…

Yes, in particular one guy I've been friends with since we were teenages (we're in our 50s now) who is really like a brother.

I've literally never fancied him. Can be pretty much equally sure he's never fancied me (he wears his heart on his sleeve and makes no secret of it when he likes somebody).

We saw each other through many romantic relationships with other people in our early years (also times when we were both single). Now we've both been married to other people for about 20 years.

We keep in touch, hang out (with or without our spouses), generally share what's going on in our lives.

It's a boring story but it's definitely platonic, and after more than 35 years I feel it's safe to predict it will continue to be platonic.

Nope, they always made a pass. Even the ones I would have been sure wouldn’t.

Plenty. All of my adult social circles have been mixed in terms of gender, sexuality etc. Thinking about friends in terms of their identity first would be quite strange.

Some men (and some women) have come on to me after being friends, which isn't something to take offence over unless it's done disrespectfully. Some of them felt awkward to be friends with afterwards, some didn't. But there wasn't any inevitability about it because plenty of male friends have never come on to me.

Perhaps I've had this experience because most of my social circles have been based around shared interests and hobbies like art scenes or music scenes or sport scenes. So the bedrock of our friendship is a mutual passion for something else, and someone being a fellow clubber or fellow runner is more important than them being a straight man or lesbian etc etc.

Segregating my social life by gender is my absolute worst nightmare and I feel very lucky to have found friends as an adult who have no time for it.

Yup, a few (less than 10, though). One was during high school, for several years until he moved away, we were in the same social group and sat next to each other in half our classes. He just wasn't my type and I know I wasn't his.

Yes. I have a male best friend. Have been best friends for 20 years. I'm not narcissistic enough to think every male wants to shag me and I don't want to shag every male who talks to me.

I often wonder about these women who say it's impossible to have a male friend. What world do you live in? Panties dropping all over the place. Men with constant hard ons. How depressing.

I have several male friends and one best male friend. Never ever has the line been crossed.

I have a close and truly platonic friendship with a former work colleague. We started out lift-sharing as he lived just round the corner from me. Over 5 years he became a great friend and remains so nearly 5 years since I left that job. He is nearly 20 years older than me but we have children of a similar age, I'm friends with his partner and he's now friends with my husband as well.

Yep, @Crazybunnylady123, I have a very similar situation with a male friend. We've been friends since late teens due to very similar interests, always platonic, everyone happily married for years and our respective spouses are testament that we were clearly never each other's type 😂.

I think there's a huge difference between having platonic male friends and having a male best friend.

Perfectly possible to have a mixed group of friends and get on well with the men, even maybe occasionally do something as a pair, if say, the rest of the group are busy or it's a favour that needs a particular skill set.

I actually have two male platonic friends I'm spending quite a bit of time with currently (among a group of 6/7). We three seem to end up alone because our children are older and we therefore have more time than the others. I don't often just see one of them though.

Whenever I've had a male friend/colleague who's become a close confidant/someone to share feelings and emotional stuff with, a friend who I spend much time alone with, something has always happened eventually. Sometimes it takes years, but it's there.

I've been close friends with a man I've known since I was 4. Our mums were best friends and we were pretty much brought up together. Completely platonic. We both agree anything sexual would feel incestuous.

Yes - lots of my friends of many years are men. Most are married now and I am friends with their wives too. It’s purely platonic and none have made an advance and nor have/would I. My husband had lots of female friends when we met and is still friends with them. Again, purely platonic - and I am friends with them (and their partners if they have them) now too.

I wonder whether it makes a difference when you meet them? After university I noticed men who I thought wanted to just be friends wanted more, but uni was a bit of a bubble in which you are thrown together in halls etc, so friendships developed without the issue of attraction arising.

Yes, he's weirdly like the brother I never had. Absolutely no attraction from either side. Bleurgh.

Each friendship is unique; staying true to comfort level matters most.

Pretty much everyone has mixed sex social groups, don’t they? I don’t think that’s what the thread is about.

It’s about close 1-on-1 male friends.

Yes, several. I probably have as many close male friends as female. I don't really make a distinction. One in particular was like my brother at university, and good friends with both me and my then boyfriend. We used to spend all our time together. Not even the tiniest shred of attraction for each other on either side.

I only had one close male friend who started to harbour feelings, and it was obvious to me and everyone else from a mile off. I put a bit of distance between us at that point, and luckily the friendship survived (20 years now).