I’ll confess here, I’m so f****ng envies of women who have male admires…

[UglyNameChange]

I know we're supposed to be independent-need-no-man, who needs male validations, but god damn do I want even one man to like me.

I was reading another thread about op who kissed her boyfriends friend (yeah, not the best situation) and she went to say how he told her he has had feelings for her for long time bla bla bla. I can’t imagine how that must feel like to hear.

I want someone to like me, want to be with me.
I’ve never been in a relationship, never been on a date (don’t judge,please).

No matter how I read the advices people give to single women, I can’t even help myself to be okey with being single and it just makes me feel like a double loser.

How I wish I was a woman men liked/wanted to be with/could love.

Just to be clear, I don’t wish anything bad to lucky women (well, all the rest of the women in the world it feels) I just wish I was as lucky as them too.

Thanks for anyone who read my rant.

How old are you?

38

Who's to say you're not admired?

Just because you haven't been approached or had a relationship doesn't mean men don't admire you.

I don't think anyone says women aren't supposed to want male sexual partners. Most women do want that, at least for a period of their lives.

I'm sorry you haven't dated if you would like to, but the solution is to start dating via an app.

I imagine that there's quite a lot of psychology in the way of that for you. Would you see a counsellor to work it through? You could also address where you picked up the idea you should want to be single.

If I was you I would look into how to become more charismatic, and work on my physical appearance (get slim/in shape and experiment with flattering clothes and hairstyles - there's loads of advice online)

It's shallow, yes, but most men and women are attracted to the same things - and the number one thing is charisma/charm, followed by looks.

You also need to put yourself out there. Get on dating apps, go on dates, and you'll probably have about ten new admirers in as many days!

You also probably do have admirers already, you just don't know about them. If you do the above, you'll have tons more though (if that's what you want of course).

Oh, @UglyNameChange. I hear you. I'm in the same position, but a few years older.

I tried the dating apps, eventually. It's pretty grim, they're usually married and just looking for sex.

Agree with @JibbaJab. I found out that a guy who I was friendly with was attracted to me through a chance conversation with a mutual friend a couple of years later. They couldn't believe I hadn't known. But the guy was quiet and naturally shy - I had always thought I slightly irritated him if anything. I had no idea whatsoever he liked me in that way. And I know male friends who have admired women from afar but never made it known. Fear of rejection I guess. So it's not always obvious if someone's attracted to you!

I read your 'rant'.
Keep doing the things you like and enjoy. Take part in activities where there are men.
Get a good bra. Doesn't have to be expensive. I recommend Asda's t-shirt bras. Changed my life.
Stay clean and tidy, don't think you have to upgrade your presentation massively.

@albalass Yeah. I'm fairly introverted and shy but you wouldn't know by looking at me. I've admired women but I've never once approached one as much as I like them.

The only relationships I have had have been on online dating.

How are men supposed to like you if you don’t like yourself? I’m guessing from the name that you don’t think much of yourself at all.

Online dating have been impossible, it’s so look based, I haven’t had any luck on them.

It’s not just the weight, it’s been up and down, I’m am losing it again, but what bodies look like matter so much - I’m still going to have a problem, I work out a lot, but the skin won’t tighten, it’s almost worse now than just having extra weight.
I know bodies/weight are the number one thing that matters, but I don’t even have a pretty face.

I’ve been saving money to have plastic surgeries, I just worry that at this age it’s pointless.

I am doing best that I can with taking care of my skin/hair/clothes, always have.

I’m 42 and used to get male attention, now I’m overweight and depressed it’s like I am invisible now. I am however married, but it still feels a bit crap not being obviously admired. When I was younger I was more carefree and didn’t care what anyone thought. I think confidence and self love attracts people. Be kind to yourself OP.

I'll hazard a guess that at least part of this is lifestyle and opportunity. Even the most attractive women aren't going to get approached if they work in an office with a couple of other women, drive door to door and spend their nights in, or at activities where there aren't many men. By contrast a plainer woman who meets lots of men in her day to day, is out and about in public, goes on nights out with female friends to pubs and bars, will recieve more attention.
If you want to catch a fish OP there's no point waiting a mile from the river. You need to jump in with your net at the ready.

Many men do not have very high standards and I believe any woman can get attention off a man.

I think the reason you don’t is 1) because you don’t put yourself in a position to meet men and 2) because your lack of confidence shows.

What do you work as?
Do you have any hobbies?

There’s someone out there for everyone, the Jeremy Kyle show proved that!

Get on all the dating sites, go to socials, speed dating etc, you’ve nothing to lose but maybe a lot to gain!

Let me tell you, it is hell. I've been sexualised my whole life. I work in the medical field and the amount of comments about my arse and boobs in my scrubs.. my god.

And that's just in work. I'd rather look like a potato.

Many men do not have very high standards and I believe any woman can get attention off a man.

If only this was true / I find this a little bit insulting, some women really just aren’t anywhere near good enough.
I think many do think like you do, but that’s because you only consider attractive/okey-ish and average looking women as women. The rest of are some non-women creatures.

My work is pretty 50/50 men and women, no luck.
I have hobbies that are group/club, no luck.
I am out and about and an public spaces/transports most days, no luck.

Even if that means you’d spend your whole life single/alone/loveless?

I don’t think beautiful women know what their talking about, no disrespect.
Can’t imagine anyone choosing this.
If only we could swap our looks…

I’d rather take some comments on my boobs, if it means I could get a relationship.

Has absolutely none got in touch via online dating or just no one you thought was attractive?

I am a similar age to you and i recently joined online dating. If your self esteem
isn’t quite there may not be the best place to go as it can be brutal as well as filled with men looking to exploit women’s insecurities. (Although I have met a fair few decent guys on there too).

OP I'm sure you are gorgeous and just have low self esteem. But even if what you say is true - charm and charisma is still going to get your more admirers than how you look! We all know an ugly man/woman who everyone fancies because they're so charismatic and so much fun etc.

You can teach yourself social skills, be interested in other people, be funny, you'll have men lining up for you...

Has absolutely none got in touch via online dating or just no one you thought was attractive?

The former.

It's hard to say what the solution is op, but I get you. It's tough and frustrating.

If h want surgery, it's definitely not too late at 38. If it would make you feel more attractive, then it's worth it. You've got another 50 years!

Fat women have boyfriends, ugly women have boyfriends, women with saggy arm and stomach skin have boyfriends. You are right about appearances being important with OLD - but you can work on your presentation and change how other people perceive you.

Start at the top - do you have a flattering haircut? I used to have an inverted bob, and while it was quite practical, it basically made me look like an East German shot putter, because I have a fat face. I grew my hair out and it is much more flattering now, with some long layers and some highlights, even though I still have a fat face.

What about makeup? Noone should feel that they have to trowel it on like a Kardashian, but a bit of lipstick, eyeliner and mascara can make your features stand out a bit and give your face some definition.

A PP mentioned a good bra. This is non-negotiable! A good bra makes your boobs look better, makes you look thinner and improves your posture. Go and try some on, and buy one really frivolous one that makes you feel good.

Most importantly, though, you need to find a way to value yourself. If you think of yourself as the booby prize, you'll ALWAYS attract the wrong sort of men. If you know your own worth you won't tolerate crappy men who don't value you.

I tried online dating once.

I had multiple messages saying how beautiful I was and how they couldn’t wait to meet me etc - I hadn’t even put my photo up or put in any details about how I look.

I stopped doing online dating because so many men will literally swipe on yes without even looking.

I’m not trying to invalidate your feelings but I do think you’d find someone who finds you attractive or even pretends to find you attractive just to get in your pants.

I think finding someone is way easier in your 20s though as it’s much easier to pick someone up in a night club then at the local library.

If dating is something you are really interested in then carry on with the online dating.
If your weight is something you are conscious about then focus on this.
You can even get your make up done professionally, some places do it for only around £10.

If you feel up to it you can post a photo on here and some posters may be able to give you tips about what you can do to bring out your best features.