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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I’ll confess here, I’m so f****ng envies of women who have male admires…

195 replies

UglyNameChange · 14/08/2023 18:37

I know we're supposed to be independent-need-no-man, who needs male validations, but god damn do I want even one man to like me.

I was reading another thread about op who kissed her boyfriends friend (yeah, not the best situation) and she went to say how he told her he has had feelings for her for long time bla bla bla. I can’t imagine how that must feel like to hear.

I want someone to like me, want to be with me.
I’ve never been in a relationship, never been on a date (don’t judge,please).

No matter how I read the advices people give to single women, I can’t even help myself to be okey with being single and it just makes me feel like a double loser.

How I wish I was a woman men liked/wanted to be with/could love.

Just to be clear, I don’t wish anything bad to lucky women (well, all the rest of the women in the world it feels) I just wish I was as lucky as them too.

Thanks for anyone who read my rant.

OP posts:
DrSbaitso · 15/08/2023 19:43

PaintedEgg · 15/08/2023 19:42

I don't think being "nice" or "liked" is a factor.

I know a bloke who is really nice, and ok looking...yet perpetually single. Everyone would love to see him dating, but at the same time no female friend wants to

It clearly is not because he's ugly.

PaintedEgg · 15/08/2023 19:47

DrSbaitso · 15/08/2023 19:43

It clearly is not because he's ugly.

Show quote history

and thats my point - being "ugly" is so subjective and genuinely dont think there are people so ugly nobody ever would want them based on appearance alone

Original poster
UglyNameChange · 15/08/2023 19:49

Do you hang out with male friends to widen social circle?

I don’t really have male friends, men have never cared to be friends with me.
The men that I know are either relatives or friends partners/brothers…

OP posts:
saffyarbre · 15/08/2023 19:51

H112 · 14/08/2023 21:08

Let me tell you, it is hell. I've been sexualised my whole life. I work in the medical field and the amount of comments about my arse and boobs in my scrubs.. my god.

And that's just in work. I'd rather look like a potato.

Same. I modelled in my youth, hair and beauty so got a lot of attention and still do. It's mostly my face, and hair, but I am slim also. I dress quite conservatively and don't try to attract attention, so it's not that.

I've been stalked twice, once recently (which was terrifying ) and I'm in late 30s. My ex is obsessed with me, and it just seems to be appearance linked. I'd have rather been more average looking than have had all the negativity. Will time cure that (as I thought it would) or just change the age of sleazy, interested men.

OP, I agree with trying the dating sites. I never have but I know of friends who have met people there. One met her lovely husband. Though I think you have to persevere as it's a cesspit by all accounts.

PaintedEgg · 15/08/2023 19:51

UglyNameChange · 15/08/2023 19:49

Do you hang out with male friends to widen social circle?

I don’t really have male friends, men have never cared to be friends with me.
The men that I know are either relatives or friends partners/brothers…

could this be the real reason? men you spend time with are either related to you or already taken

DrSbaitso · 15/08/2023 19:53

OP, obviously you don't have to do this, but if you really think you're so ugly...OK, try me. PM me a picture of yourself and I promise that if I agree, you really are just so ugly that no man could ever love you, I'll tailor my advice and thoughts towards that situation. No pressure, obviously, it's not a dare or anything. But I bet you aren't.

Original poster
UglyNameChange · 15/08/2023 19:55

DrSbaitso · 15/08/2023 19:39

OP, I don't believe you are so ugly that no man could ever be attracted to you. I just don't. I'm thinking of my other friends who say the same and they simply are NOT ugly.

But let's say that you are. Even then, be very careful of deciding that this supposed ugliness is the reason for everything that you're unhappy about. These things can sometimes be a convenient hook on which to hang our, well, hang ups, and the reason we give for everything we want and don't have.

And that stops us from making changes.

Well, I don’t want to post a picture, just take my word for it.

Can I just say that all these ’hard to believe’ aren’t actually that helpful, see all it does is take away my lived expirience.
Would you say to a woman who says she suffers because of sexism and say you don’t believe women expirience sexism?

It’s not supposed.
I don’t really understan what you mean with hang up’s, I’ve never given up abd not tried.
Well, once, when I was adviced that I can only find a relationship when I stop looking 😆

OP posts:
DrSbaitso · 15/08/2023 19:55

PaintedEgg · 15/08/2023 19:47

and thats my point - being "ugly" is so subjective and genuinely dont think there are people so ugly nobody ever would want them based on appearance alone

Show quote history

What is it about him that means no woman wants to date him? Are you a woman? If so, what do you think?

PaintedEgg · 15/08/2023 19:57

@DrSbaitso - yes, im a woman. without going into too much details - he is a very nice person, but just not someone who has his life together, sort of stuck in the permanent teenager mode. Great friend, but hard to imagine him as someone's partner

PaintedEgg · 15/08/2023 19:58

@UglyNameChange why do you even think that? did someone tell you you're that ugly?

DrSbaitso · 15/08/2023 19:59

UglyNameChange · 15/08/2023 19:55

Well, I don’t want to post a picture, just take my word for it.

Can I just say that all these ’hard to believe’ aren’t actually that helpful, see all it does is take away my lived expirience.
Would you say to a woman who says she suffers because of sexism and say you don’t believe women expirience sexism?

It’s not supposed.
I don’t really understan what you mean with hang up’s, I’ve never given up abd not tried.
Well, once, when I was adviced that I can only find a relationship when I stop looking 😆

Show quote history

I believe you haven't had any male attention because like I said, I know a couple of women like that (well, one had a single encounter when she was younger and that's it).

And they say it's because they're ugly. They actually get angry if you suggest they aren't. But they're not. No, they're not cover girls, but neither are they ugly. Sorry, but they're not. So no, while I can believe you might not be gorgeous, maybe you're even below average, I just don't believe it's as simple as you being so hideous it's impossible for a man to want you under any circumstances.

Maybe you're one of the women I know.

Original poster
UglyNameChange · 15/08/2023 20:04

PaintedEgg · 15/08/2023 19:51

could this be the real reason? men you spend time with are either related to you or already taken

Show quote history

As in outings, group activity.
Of course there are other men (don’t know their relationship status always)

Like I said, men aren’t queuing towards me.

OP posts:
5128gap · 15/08/2023 20:09

Your lived experience is that you've never had a man interested in you.
Your belief that the reason for that is you are too ugly for any man to want you is not an experience, lived or otherwise. Its simply your opinion. And given none of us know the thoughts of every man out there, is no more likely to be right than anyone else's opinion on here.
If matters of opinion suddenly turn into matters of fact merely by throwing the phrase 'Lived Experience' into our sentences, then my Lived Experience is that exceptionally ugly people find partners. So while ugliness is certainly no advantage, its equally certainly not a guarantee of not finding a relationship.

DrSbaitso · 15/08/2023 20:24

OP, suppose we found you incontrovertible proof that you aren't ugly...what would that do to you mindset and thoughts on this?

I'm wondering if you have a reason for being invested in the idea that this is all because you're ugly and beyond the help of styling, makeup etc..
basically, that it's down entirely to something completely beyond your control that can never be remedied.

PaintedEgg · 15/08/2023 20:26

UglyNameChange · 15/08/2023 20:04

As in outings, group activity.
Of course there are other men (don’t know their relationship status always)

Like I said, men aren’t queuing towards me.

Show quote history

i don't think most people would be in relationships if they hoped to be chatted up

it happens more or less frequently for some people, but its not a requirement for having a relationship

H112 · 15/08/2023 20:41

You're very self critical about yourself op. I bet if you learned to love yourself more you'd find yourself attractive.

Loopylune · 15/08/2023 20:42

Do you actually want to have sex with a man? Is it something you think about? Are you a sexual person, with yourself?

That sounds like a weird question but you need to maybe visualise having sex more and imagine yourself in that situation to start channeling some sexy vibes. Maybe you’re too uptight?

Why not have a couple of drinks then go on tinder and see what happens?!

Loopylune · 15/08/2023 20:43

Have a couple of drinks as mentioned then start messaging people yourself!

HermioneWeasley · 15/08/2023 21:17

@UglyNameChange i am very sorry you found my comment upsetting. My point was, there is absolutely no way you are less attractive than a pile of leaves. You’ve decided that somehow you are and therefore my comment was unkind. This shows your belief about yourself is false - it is impossible.

whatever is going on, it is not possible that you are not attractive enough for a relationship. It just isn’t.

Original poster
UglyNameChange · 15/08/2023 21:31

HermioneWeasley · 15/08/2023 21:17

@UglyNameChange i am very sorry you found my comment upsetting. My point was, there is absolutely no way you are less attractive than a pile of leaves. You’ve decided that somehow you are and therefore my comment was unkind. This shows your belief about yourself is false - it is impossible.

whatever is going on, it is not possible that you are not attractive enough for a relationship. It just isn’t.

I haven’t ’decided’ anything 🙄

It was a very tone-deaf remark.

This shows your belief about yourself is false - it is impossible.

Do you even know what you were trying to say with this?

it is not possible that you are not attractive enough for a relationship. It just isn’t.

Decades of life expirience would and does say otherwise.

Look, I understand it’s easier to say and believe it myst be my ’energy’ or wearing a wrong hairstyle, makes life seem more controllable or whatever.
Clearly it’s not in my head.

OP posts:
roses321 · 15/08/2023 21:37

To be quite honest with you after reading the rest of the messages with people attempting to help you and your consistently defensive remarks when you don't hear what you want to hear I'd hazard a guess that you're self pitying pain in the ass personally.

Honestly, if you carry on with that attitude good bloody luck to you. If you just want to post on the internet and get people to pander to you I'll step aside for those who want to further feed your self pity and enable you.

roses321 · 15/08/2023 21:45

OP reading your other posts you are severely depressed, have childhood trauma and need a therapist to be honest with you - I'd do it, otherwise this will be life for you if you don't sort it out. Posting here won't help you.

Original poster
UglyNameChange · 15/08/2023 21:45

@roses321
You made your views very clear from the start.
No idea why you came (and stayed) with such aggression.
I’ll happily tell you that your comments and digs are not needed here.

OP posts:
roses321 · 15/08/2023 21:48

UglyNameChange · 15/08/2023 21:45

@roses321
You made your views very clear from the start.
No idea why you came (and stayed) with such aggression.
I’ll happily tell you that your comments and digs are not needed here.

You need assistance from someone who can professionally help you with your state of mind which is depression. I'm serious. Looking at your other posts as well, it is very clear you've had issues stemming from your childhood from what you have said and posting here with your sadness is not going to help you in the long run.
Get help for this because it is no life. And cut out the defensive behaviour, people are trying to help you, you cannot go through your life only hearing what you want to hear and nothing else whilst continuing to moan about everything. It will not work, but I will leave you to discover that for yourself. Perhaps one day you will figure it out.

Original poster
UglyNameChange · 15/08/2023 21:54

Yeah, I am not the one with issues here.
You are scary.
I have no idea what you’re on about.
Please know that whatever you’re trying to do, I assume you have some deep psychological issues - your comments just aren’t normal / healthy, is not working.
I hope you find peace and you don’t have to harass people like this anymore.
Seriously, your comments and make beliefs are disturbing.
Take care @roses321

OP posts: