30 days no contact after breakup

[ChampooPapi]

I broke up with my boyfriend this morning after he was very abusive yesterday, and around one of my small children. This has happened multiple times and I have ‘left him’ now at least 3 other occasions. We have only been together a year and is not any of my childrens father. There is definitely trauma bonding and I am aware that I need councilling which I am accessing through my university.

I am 36 and he was my first serious relationship after splitting up from a 12 year relationship with my childrens father.

Still very much in love with him even though he is clearly fairly unhinged, and quite immature (he’s only 26) in alot of his behaviour.

But yes, utterly obsessed, as is he with me, so must break this cycle of madness.

starting 30 days today no contact , anyone welcome to join. I have manahed 10 days at the most so 30 would hopefully help me break alot of my physical and emotional dependency on him.

Anyone please join too so we can support each other and keep our itchy trigger texting fingers busy 😵‍💫

Day 1 💪

I'm still cheering you all on x

Hello all
Thank goodness your still all here

Well done for keeping busy especially the DIY!

3 weeks today no contact since he blocked me...8 weeks split up and it has been a stressful week! Having really sad moments about him and then realising he was awful to me and its his loss and regaining myself..

I keep wondering if he will ever unblock me or if he's looking at my Facebook and stuff via his friends on fb... ridiculous I know....

I do miss him this evening. I think both period cycles and work deadlines affect how I feel about it. Also SAD kicking in a bit.

I can't cope with all the autumn and Christmas stuff so avoiding it. My birthday is approaching soon and he'd made plans for it in summer. Working that day and will aim to stay busy.

Still avoiding friends (or mentioning it) since they're all longterm single, expect me to be instantly over it and basically want me to pretend to be happy.

I've been better alone. Weird bit - I haven't listened to music or watched tv since we broke up either.

My job is emotionally draining and my capacity to deal with vindictive customers has definitely decreased recently.

Hopefully this hasn't already been posted. This podcast helped me through the no contact phase brilliantly. Theres a good few episodes on this very topic, as well as other ones she does. Give it a listen. ❤️

spotify.link/Bk6nQsjAmDb

I bumped into her again on a night out!! Need to stop going to the places she goes to. Sadly messaged her again in the morning. She did reply. Need to just accept she isn't interested and time to move on!! Easier said than done. Good luck all

@Isolated17 oh love it is hard...your doing the right things thought by keeping busy. One step at a time and we will smash it!

How many days nc are you now?

@Carter12 restart no contact and try and avoid her until you've healed abit easier said than done I know but it's going to hurt you so much everytime you message her for the same reply basically.

I'm sorry everyone it's so hard. .going to listen to that podcast!
3 weeks today since I've been blocked...

@Littlemisslonley last contact was 17 September. He'd called me unexpectedly on the 15th, but became angry and hung up when I said I was working that weekend.

Can I join please? My partner of 4 years broke up with me yesterday. We live apart but spent most weekends and holidays together and we were supposed to be moving in and blending families at the end of the year - this was at his instigation as he wasn't happy with us being in a live apart situation.

He said he wasn't in love with me any more and doesnt want to move in. Just two weeks ago he was telling me how much he loved me. I feel really stupid, as I've clearly missed signals.

I'm glad he told me now before we moved in. I'm going to miss his kids. My daughter likes him and his kids but I think she'll be ok. I feel so sick and sad, I miss him so much. I wish I'd never met him.

I'm still here too. I had went back for a little while which I now see once again was a big mistake. Nothing will ever change and now it hurts all over again. He treats me so poorly I don't know what is wrong with me. But I need to feel strong again.

I hadn't posted in a while because contact had started again and I probably feel a little ashamed.

I'm sorry to hear how much you're hurting, hope you find some support here 💐sometimes having a space to vent and get it out makes it a little easier.

The mixed messages and the 'where did this come from, what did I miss' feelings are the worst. No contact might be the best thing for you while you take some time to heal.

I should also add, you are most definitely not stupid.

Your doing amazing keep on going xx

@Crinkletinkle course you can join! Sending hugs! I'm in the same boat as you however my relationship was only 15 months... we were talking about blending families next year also then he signed another year on his house so.... I'm glad we didn't get to that point! Sorry about your dd my dcs miss my ex and his dcs however your right it's better now than once your blended! Your not stupid at all

@FindingSerenity nothing to be ashamed about... how are you now? How many nc days? You know he isn't right for you and what he's done isn't right let's keep it In the forefront of our minds

@Littlemisslonley a bit of me thinks that today is the worst day I have had so far. This will be day 1 again. He has done so much to me but really does believe it is all my fault. He is very paranoid but can't see it, so he tells me I've cheated and lied my way through our relationship. So he says the way he has treated me is in accordance with what he says I am. I don't know where my head is right now. Wish I could go to sleep and wake up when it's better. My DC asks for him still. How are you?

I'm on day one again - this is a lot harder than I thought it'd be! I can't believe I'm a grown woman and feeling like this!

@123easyasabc I've been feeling the exact same so please don't be too hard on yourself. Sometimes I feel like I have an addiction, does that make sense? But I've read a lot about trauma bonding and it's par for the course. It's as if I can't handle the heartbreak of being without him yet I know that he has treated me very, very badly and has/shows no remorse. So why I feel heartbreak probably wouldn't make sense to many but it still hurts so deeply.

I don't know why I struggle to block him again. It's like a part of me clings on to the person I thought he was at the very beginning and hopes that he'll come back. But I know that there is no chance of that because it wasn't really him.

Look up Guy Winch on YouTube or TedTalk.

He explains perfectly why a break up is the same addiction as trying to get over drugs or alcohol.

Sadly won't make it any easier but might make you feel better. Nine months in and I still can't get over her. Hopefully you all will soon - and me!!!

You were together for just ONE year, during 1st year it's a honeymoon period. You're loved up, nothing much goes wrong if 2 people are really into the relationship. As it is, he showed his true colours early. & you can't have a man like that around your children that's for sure. Just make sure you never go back to him. You were with him for 1 year not 10 years. Its not as if he's your husband. You need to rationalise things. Then you'll get through this.

@FindingSerenity don't worry it's OK your trapped in a cycle and it's hard to break. Reset and restart! You know the truth.... its the hardest when dcs ask for him...my dd has been doing it recently and it's horrible! We go again! I'm here for you xx

@Carter12 @FindingSerenity

I do reccomend podcasts too guys lalalale let me explain does great podcast which touches on all this and fun stuff too. We go again and we restart...let's keep busy....

I was in family Court today against my dd abusive dad and ex knew I was in court today he didn't even unblock me to wish me luck....I think that says alot about him as a person.... he might be gone and has left me heartbroken however at least he isn't here dragging this out and having an emotional affair at the same time!

No contact since the 17th. Deleted his number at the time. Feeling pretty good!

I'm sure I'll be down when I have PMS later this month but planning to avoid my phone that week.

Staying busy - thrown myself into work and applied for a promotion.

Still turning down invites from friends for nights out. I'm not ready, not forcing myself and need to stay sober so I don't cave in and speak to him.

Had therapy this week and it was really helpful. Feeling positive.

@Isolated17 well bloody done op!!

Not going to lie I'm dipping today badly. I hate weekends as it is but the kids are manic today!

Don't even miss ex partner he was actually very boring but he did help out with the kids alot so I miss that. How can people treat us so horribly?

How are we all doing?

Im still blocked by him so still no contact!!

Went almost a month without speaking to him. I messaged last week since I felt ill during my period and it was my birthday, which he ignored.

He sent a rude response. I noticed today he's now unblocked me on whatsapp but I'm not making an effort.

He claims I ignored him for a month. He could have contacted me but nothing is ever his fault.

@Isolated17 that's so head fucking I'm sorry how do you feel?