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Original poster

30 days no contact after breakup

225 replies

ChampooPapi · 12/08/2023 15:08

I broke up with my boyfriend this morning after he was very abusive yesterday, and around one of my small children. This has happened multiple times and I have ‘left him’ now at least 3 other occasions. We have only been together a year and is not any of my childrens father. There is definitely trauma bonding and I am aware that I need councilling which I am accessing through my university.

I am 36 and he was my first serious relationship after splitting up from a 12 year relationship with my childrens father.

Still very much in love with him even though he is clearly fairly unhinged, and quite immature (he’s only 26) in alot of his behaviour.

But yes, utterly obsessed, as is he with me, so must break this cycle of madness.

starting 30 days today no contact , anyone welcome to join. I have manahed 10 days at the most so 30 would hopefully help me break alot of my physical and emotional dependency on him.

Anyone please join too so we can support each other and keep our itchy trigger texting fingers busy 😵‍💫

Day 1 💪

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Beyondnine9 · 25/08/2023 17:50

It does, planning on having a nice bath with a face mask this evening.
It's true about the habit...hopefully the ache will go away sooner rather than later x

Littlemisslonley · 27/08/2023 16:13

I'm struggling so sorry I have been quiet. He's back from Ireland and hasn't returned my stuff still. Heads been a mess I haven't actually missed him at all but I miss having help with the dcs and generally having someone to speak to...

Heads really circling

Littlemisslonley · 29/08/2023 18:30

Is anyone still here?

123easyasabc · 29/08/2023 21:14

@Littlemisslonley still here lovely. How are you doing since he's been back from Ireland?

It's natural to miss not necessarily him, but the comfort he brought or even the companionship, or help with your DCs. Don't be too hard on yourself and take it a day at a time, or even an hour at a time. That's what I'm doing. x

Littlemisslonley · 29/08/2023 21:26

123easyasabc · 29/08/2023 21:14

@Littlemisslonley still here lovely. How are you doing since he's been back from Ireland?

It's natural to miss not necessarily him, but the comfort he brought or even the companionship, or help with your DCs. Don't be too hard on yourself and take it a day at a time, or even an hour at a time. That's what I'm doing. x

Hello lovie... he's not brought mine or kids stuff back since he's been back from Ireland nor has he messaged me either...its been 2 weeks and 1 day now since I last messaged him so I'm so proud of myself. He came back Saturday midday and still no stuff returned like he agreed makes me think all sorts....Thank you for asking!!

How are you feeling? Keep going your doing so amazing darling xx

FindingSerenity · 31/08/2023 17:13

Littlemisslonley · 29/08/2023 18:30

Is anyone still here?

How are you doing? I'm sorry that I went MIA but I have been following. I'm slightly disappointed in myself that I reestablished contact and have found it difficult to pull away again. It just brought some sort of temporary relief but what I realise is that those traits are still there and always will be and it's hard to reckon with that realisation. It's like a fight in your own head between what you want to be and what will be. I also feel very isolated because I don't want to speak to anyone about it.

Redruby2020 · 31/08/2023 17:22

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 13/08/2023 02:00

Why are you pursuing relationships at all let alone bringing these people around your young children?

Focus on your kids.

So the OP is not supposed to have a bf/relationship, ok not like this abusive waste of space.

I have been separated from my DC's father 3 years now. And i have had a relationship for a year, Did not bring him around my child though or to my home. So that's a bit different.

Littlemisslonley · 01/09/2023 13:38

FindingSerenity · 31/08/2023 17:13

How are you doing? I'm sorry that I went MIA but I have been following. I'm slightly disappointed in myself that I reestablished contact and have found it difficult to pull away again. It just brought some sort of temporary relief but what I realise is that those traits are still there and always will be and it's hard to reckon with that realisation. It's like a fight in your own head between what you want to be and what will be. I also feel very isolated because I don't want to speak to anyone about it.

Show quote history

Honey I know exactly what you mean regarding fighting with your own head...what we need to do is say NO what I want it to be will never be with this person because this person has time and time again shown me repeatedly the same behaviours and therefore what I want from this I will never get. If we tell ourselves enough we can start to believe it!

How are you today?.I had to break NC and reply to him about my stuff yesterday spoke to him in the evening, nothings changed same mixed up feelings however my stuff is being returned to my sisters tonight so I can go NC again now.

Littlemisslonley · 01/09/2023 13:40

Redruby2020 · 31/08/2023 17:22

So the OP is not supposed to have a bf/relationship, ok not like this abusive waste of space.

I have been separated from my DC's father 3 years now. And i have had a relationship for a year, Did not bring him around my child though or to my home. So that's a bit different.

Show quote history

Think people can still have relationships and make blended family's eventually...why can't separated people have relationships if they have kids?

Carter12 · 06/09/2023 15:41

Hope everyone doing OK. 14 days tomorrow for me. Went on the dating apps but that did my mental health no good so came off.

Best if luck

GR8GAL · 06/09/2023 17:15

What happens after 30 days? If its anything other than "crawl back to each other" then I wish you luck.

Littlemisslonley · 06/09/2023 19:08

Carter12 · 06/09/2023 15:41

Hope everyone doing OK. 14 days tomorrow for me. Went on the dating apps but that did my mental health no good so came off.

Best if luck

2 weeks tomorrow well bloody done how do you feel? I did the same....made me feel depressed and shit so I deleted....

I had to restart as ex dp messaged me about getting my stuff back...he gave it me back however didn't return my expensive stuff...standard....then blocked me so I'm 3 days no contact today....if it still counts because he blocked me? Could ring or text him I suppose so still no contact isn't it?

Redruby2020 · 06/09/2023 21:26

@Littlemisslonley I said the first bit that I did because someone had made a comment like you aren't supposed to have a partner in that situation moving forward.

And then the other bit was just me saying about my own situation.

Carter12 · 06/09/2023 22:49

Yeah still no contact so keep it up. Always harder for us who ideally want the relationship to keep going. Ideally I would rather she did block me so hopefully it does make it easier for you. Fingers crossed for you.

Carter12 · 06/09/2023 22:50

That was for @Littlemisslonley

TicTacNicNak · 06/09/2023 22:55

Make a list of all his bad points, including being abusive multiple times in just a year. Stick it in your fridge and read it every time you feel you're wobbling. Put a picture of your children there too as they are your priority, so think what you'll be subjecting them to if you get back in touch.

Well done for deleting. Onwards and upwards OP!

Littlemisslonley · 07/09/2023 08:07

Carter12 · 06/09/2023 22:49

Yeah still no contact so keep it up. Always harder for us who ideally want the relationship to keep going. Ideally I would rather she did block me so hopefully it does make it easier for you. Fingers crossed for you.

Thank you....the reason for him blocking me was clearly to try and get a reaction I am proud I didnt provide that.
Yes we would of fixes anything to continue the relationship but one day the ex dps will realise what they lost in our and our determination and it is their loss...

How are you?

Littlemisslonley · 07/09/2023 08:08

TicTacNicNak · 06/09/2023 22:55

Make a list of all his bad points, including being abusive multiple times in just a year. Stick it in your fridge and read it every time you feel you're wobbling. Put a picture of your children there too as they are your priority, so think what you'll be subjecting them to if you get back in touch.

Well done for deleting. Onwards and upwards OP!

Great idea!!!

Carter12 · 07/09/2023 10:24

Littlemisslonley · 07/09/2023 08:07

Thank you....the reason for him blocking me was clearly to try and get a reaction I am proud I didnt provide that.
Yes we would of fixes anything to continue the relationship but one day the ex dps will realise what they lost in our and our determination and it is their loss...

How are you?

Show quote history

Good. Will see how the next few days go as actually met her one year ago this weekend!! Will use that as determination to keep going.

Littlemisslonley · 07/09/2023 12:47

@Carter12 yes do! Protect yourself and your heart and values at all costs

Isolated17 · 14/09/2023 08:33

Sorry for not posting for a few weeks.

I was doing a lot better and hadn't been contacting him. I made the mistake of checking my blocked text folder (samsung) and had messages and missed calls.

He accused me of being 'a player' and arranging to have sex with men. I've literally spent all my time alone for weeks other than seeing my parents and one female friend. I've never been into casual sex and I'm not dating anyone.

I ended up sending him a screenshot of my phone record as he was convinced I had missed his 4am call because I was speaking to someone else. In reality, I was sleeping and he was blocked.

Then he claimed I called someone at 4am another night. It was my voicemail. I even sent him a screenshot of the google result.

He's ignoring me again. It's push-pull. He'll make frantic effort for a few days, accuse me of moving on (despite the fact he left me) then ignore me if I ask him to meet or call.

It's just about control and punishment.

Littlemisslonley · 18/09/2023 19:12

Please stop engaging with this man. He's using this tactic to make you engage you know the truth fuck what he thinks...sorry for my late reply had alot going on recently

2 weeks today since I got blocked...no contact going strong but felt sad about it recently

Littlemisslonley · 23/09/2023 13:15

Please tell me you guys are still here??

Isolated17 · 23/09/2023 14:28

Still here. Haven't heard from him or contacted him since last Sunday. Deleted his number.

Focused on work this week (very busy) and doing DIY today. Staying busy.

How are you doing?

123easyasabc · 23/09/2023 15:31

Still here. I didn't contribute as we've been back and forth so I felt a bit of a fraud when we were still having contact, but I'm starting NC again today. `i hope you guys are all ok?