Page 3 | 30 days no contact after breakup

ChampooPapi · 2023-08-12T14:08:00+00:00

I broke up with my boyfriend this morning after he was very abusive yesterday, and around one of my small children. This has happened multiple times and I have ‘left him’ now at least 3 other occasions. We have only been together a year and is not any of my childrens father. There is definitely trauma bonding and I am aware that I need councilling which I am accessing through my university. I am 36 and he was my first serious relationship after splitting up from a 12 year relationship with my childrens father. Still very much in love with him even though he is clearly fairly unhinged, and quite immature (he’s only 26) in alot of his behaviour. But yes, utterly obsessed, as is he with me, so must break this cycle of madness. starting 30 days today no contact , anyone welcome to join. I have manahed 10 days at the most so 30 would hopefully help me break alot of my physical and emotional dependency on him. Anyone please join too so we can support each other and keep our itchy trigger texting fingers busy 😵💫 Day 1 💪

MrsFiddle · 16/08/2023 09:09

You are not going to stop thinking about him just like that but he will fade slowly. Remember what a shit he is when you do think about him. Reread the first paragraph of your OP if you need to.

Greenfishy · 16/08/2023 09:14

OP I thank god every day that my abusive ex decided the best way to punish me after I left him was to go completely NC….. he of course thought I would come running back but I didn’t and it’s the only way I got over him. I’ve watched friends try to split with toxic men and still stay in contact and it was impossible for them.
You can do this, you definitely can. Step forward into the rest of your life!

123easyasabc · 16/08/2023 12:20

Oh OP I hope you’re ok today. I caved yesterday on day 2 and felt much worse after that so know not to do it again! I think a lot of it is just habit for me. It’s horrible when you think someone is the one but then they show you who they really are.

Littlemisslonley · 16/08/2023 17:06

Your doing great!! I'm doing this too we broke up 3 weeks ago no contact since Monday we are in it together and we deserve better

Justkeepingplatesspinning · 16/08/2023 19:03

How are you doing? Another day nearly done, and am sending you strength for tomorrow. Do you have plans to do something with a friend? I agree, keeping yourself very busy will be the best thing to do.

Original poster

ChampooPapi · 17/08/2023 07:34

@Justkeepingplatesspinning Still here and staying strong. Spending the day out today so will be kept busy with the kids, looking forward to it being done and dusted though, brings up lits of memories these anniversaries. Pushing them down, I cant wallow or think of them, it does not help at all.

@Littlemisslonley your doing so well , I know how hard it is, I really do . Lets keep each other company for sure 💜

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Original poster

ChampooPapi · 17/08/2023 07:37

@123easyasabc how are you? I understand how hard all this is and caving was no doubt part of your journey to get to where you need to be. It is painful to start again but all journeys start somewhere 🙏🏼

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Littlemisslonley · 17/08/2023 08:27

ChampooPapi · 17/08/2023 07:34

@Justkeepingplatesspinning Still here and staying strong. Spending the day out today so will be kept busy with the kids, looking forward to it being done and dusted though, brings up lits of memories these anniversaries. Pushing them down, I cant wallow or think of them, it does not help at all.

@Littlemisslonley your doing so well , I know how hard it is, I really do . Lets keep each other company for sure 💜

Remember everything you do removes the anniversary/special occasion memory you've rewrote to day now does that make sense? Your doing amazing!

My ex wasn't abusive physically but mentally. He crossed alot of my boundaries with other women and pushed me to a point of absolutely mental frustration...when questioned he left and ignored me. I last messaged on Monday arranging the return of my stuff he messaged me back and again on Tuesday trying to get me to collect my stuff even though he has agreed to drop it to my sisters sometime soon so I just ignored it he's already agreed to drop I don't need to message again. It's hard but just remember what this man did to you how he treated you and what you deserve!

Original poster

ChampooPapi · 17/08/2023 18:30

@Littlemisslonley thank you for your message, I read it this morning before we trecked off shopping to Exeter. Had a great day out and home and dry (well not completely dry, sipping a Peroni) but do not feel at all like contacting him, thinking about him contacting me though as he did keep saying when i broke things off that ‘We WOULD see each other on the 17th’ ominous but hoping he’s so skint he cant do anything silly like gwtting trashed and jumping on a train to ‘surprise’ me 😳. He is thankfully a 45 minute journey away so doubt this’ll happen. Looking forward to waking up tomorrow, it will feel like new years day to me 🙏🏼

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Littlemisslonley · 17/08/2023 18:37

ChampooPapi · 17/08/2023 18:30

@Littlemisslonley thank you for your message, I read it this morning before we trecked off shopping to Exeter. Had a great day out and home and dry (well not completely dry, sipping a Peroni) but do not feel at all like contacting him, thinking about him contacting me though as he did keep saying when i broke things off that ‘We WOULD see each other on the 17th’ ominous but hoping he’s so skint he cant do anything silly like gwtting trashed and jumping on a train to ‘surprise’ me 😳. He is thankfully a 45 minute journey away so doubt this’ll happen. Looking forward to waking up tomorrow, it will feel like new years day to me 🙏🏼

If he contacts you somehow all you do is shut off completely remember how far you have come darlin !

Glad you had a good day did you treat yourself?

I was so tempted to message ex today but didn't wanted to tell him how selfish and uncaring and horrible he has been over the past 3 weeks but what is the actual point? So he knows I still care? To manage his ego more? Nope nope nope

Tomorrow is the start for you I can feel it. The start of rebuilding your power in yourself

LightSpeeds · 17/08/2023 18:46

ChampooPapi · 12/08/2023 18:25

Someone tell me it’s normal that I am checking my phone to see if he’s contacted me even though he can’t and is blocked 🤦‍♀️

Yes, that's entirely normal.

It's 4 weeks today for me since my partner split with me. It was a shock and I'm coping better than I thought I would - but it's still not easy.

Hang on in there x

Original poster

ChampooPapi · 18/08/2023 07:51

I made it to another day 💪, tomorrow will be a week

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FindingSerenity · 18/08/2023 11:01

ChampooPapi · 18/08/2023 07:51

I made it to another day 💪, tomorrow will be a week

I'll join you 🌺

I have a lot to process but like you, I know it's definitely the right choice.

Hope you are doing ok today and feeling strong.

Littlemisslonley · 18/08/2023 12:50

Day 4 for me now last message I sent was Monday can't wait to get to a week. Your doing great keep going

Original poster

ChampooPapi · 18/08/2023 14:26

@FindingSerenity welcome 🤗 so sorry your going through this as well, it is a rollercoaster of emotions and is unfathomably painful. The whole thing is bloody awful isnt it? but I actually think with this thread keeping us together and accountable that we can push through the hard days ahead.

@Littlemisslonley You have done fantastic! The first days are utter torture, then it does get easier, then it gets harder again, and rince and repeat 🤦‍♀️. Struggling alot today, thinking about him continuously. I will not cave, I will not 💪. But need to be open with my feelings here and say that every 60 seconds I am thinking about him for around 50 of them 😵‍💫

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Littlemisslonley · 18/08/2023 15:12

ChampooPapi · 18/08/2023 14:26

@FindingSerenity welcome 🤗 so sorry your going through this as well, it is a rollercoaster of emotions and is unfathomably painful. The whole thing is bloody awful isnt it? but I actually think with this thread keeping us together and accountable that we can push through the hard days ahead.

@Littlemisslonley You have done fantastic! The first days are utter torture, then it does get easier, then it gets harder again, and rince and repeat 🤦‍♀️. Struggling alot today, thinking about him continuously. I will not cave, I will not 💪. But need to be open with my feelings here and say that every 60 seconds I am thinking about him for around 50 of them 😵‍💫

What your doing is normal going around in circles in your head. Just keep remembering what he has done and the shit he's caused you.

Ex actually messaged me this afternoon he's recieved the stuff back in the post that I sent so he's messaged to say I have got ds stuff thank you...haven't opened the message going to open shortly and not reply!!!

YoSof · 18/08/2023 16:10

Littlemisslonley · 18/08/2023 15:12

What your doing is normal going around in circles in your head. Just keep remembering what he has done and the shit he's caused you.

Ex actually messaged me this afternoon he's recieved the stuff back in the post that I sent so he's messaged to say I have got ds stuff thank you...haven't opened the message going to open shortly and not reply!!!

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Why isn’t he blocked?! Stop leaving the door ajar, get it slammed, locked and bolted!

Littlemisslonley · 18/08/2023 16:20

YoSof · 18/08/2023 16:10

Why isn’t he blocked?! Stop leaving the door ajar, get it slammed, locked and bolted!

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Another new number 😩😩😩

YoSof · 18/08/2023 16:31

Littlemisslonley · 18/08/2023 16:20

Another new number 😩😩😩

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My ex did this to me. Cheap pay as you go phone and multiple sims.

Its harassment, by the way. I ended up changing my number in the end but wish I’d just reported him.

Littlemisslonley · 18/08/2023 16:47

YoSof · 18/08/2023 16:31

My ex did this to me. Cheap pay as you go phone and multiple sims.

Its harassment, by the way. I ended up changing my number in the end but wish I’d just reported him.

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My ex ex dd dad has a restraining order due to harrasment and breach of said restraining order very nearlly put him in prison...ex knows this so why he is now harassing me is mind blowing to me!!!

Awful what people do!

Original poster

ChampooPapi · 18/08/2023 18:02

@Littlemisslonley it is awful for you, I am so sorry your having to go through this, it just isn’t fair and is so draining.

I just got into bed with my three girls, they are shattered and I am exausted, tired from the day and late night last night where i consumed a little to much wine. But also exausted of thinking about him. Just want to sleep and to have got through another day, I wont contact him… writing that always helps. But my brain is on a one track loop. Need a re set and to get out the house tomorrow, and certainly no more alcohol this weekend, feeling vulnerable and gross does not help with the spiraling endless thoughts.

I pray tomorrow is easier, it has been so difficult today

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Original poster

ChampooPapi · 18/08/2023 18:04

Also anyone with some positive messages about getting past a week being a bit of a turning point, even a tiny bit, are welcome

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FindingSerenity · 18/08/2023 18:09

ChampooPapi · 18/08/2023 14:26

@FindingSerenity welcome 🤗 so sorry your going through this as well, it is a rollercoaster of emotions and is unfathomably painful. The whole thing is bloody awful isnt it? but I actually think with this thread keeping us together and accountable that we can push through the hard days ahead.

@Littlemisslonley You have done fantastic! The first days are utter torture, then it does get easier, then it gets harder again, and rince and repeat 🤦‍♀️. Struggling alot today, thinking about him continuously. I will not cave, I will not 💪. But need to be open with my feelings here and say that every 60 seconds I am thinking about him for around 50 of them 😵‍💫

Yes it absolutely is hard. You never think you will be 'one of those people' until you are and it's so hard not to feel foolish. Even more so when someone treats you so badly and somehow you want them and their love and approval in spite of it. I can't tell you how many times I've said aloud, I can't understand why people go back, why they're upset leaving that other person, why they want someone who treats them poorly or abuses them and now I understand all too well. I feel like a life supply has been cut off and it feels dramatic to say that but it's true. So thank you for starting a thread that offers a little strength in knowing we are not alone. I hope your resolve continues to be strong tonight, it comes in waves for sure.

FindingSerenity · 18/08/2023 18:13

Littlemisslonley · 18/08/2023 16:20

Another new number 😩😩😩

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Sorry to hear he is being so persistent with you. It's so hard to keep on track and do what is best for yourself and break away when someone won't allow it

Original poster

ChampooPapi · 18/08/2023 18:22

@FindingSerenity thank you for your kind and thoughtful words, they mean a lot to me. I have really been through the mangle the past year, it has been horrific on a emotional and physical level. I must keep posting through the pain in my heart and the thoughts in my head. I know the longer the no contact goes on for the less I will miss him , even if I crawl through some days, I am withdrawing from him in a nutshell, and I must keep sweating him out 💪

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